This situation is getting serious. My wife and I purchased a home 12 years ago. It was not a mother daughter, It was a 2 bedroom home with 1 and 1/2 bathrooms. My wife and I live in the basement (which is finished but very cluttered, We have a bathroom with toilet and sink and a tiny kitchen that has a microwave and a toaster, There are no cabinets, no counters. This little kitchen also has our washer and dryer. When we are ready for bed we climb a v ery steep set of stairs, to the 1st floor (where Mother in law has been living for 12 years) then climb an equally steep set of stairs to our bedroom which is a converted attic.
My mother in law has lived on the first floor of my home since we purchased it. She sleeps in the master bedroom, which is a few steps from the full bathroom, and she has the full kitchen with a stove, dishwasher, my beautiful custome made dinning room table all to herself. Once a month she will have a dinner party and invite people she calls her children, but they are not. One is the son of her husband who left for Greece where he lives but she refused to go. Anyway... She basically has all the things I don't. She also has her things stuffed in every single room in this house. She sits in the living room on the first floor all day. I pay for everything, she pays zero because she doesnt work. She is in her 80's. I am 66 and my wife is 63 and we both still work and put in long hours.
The part that has gotten me really depressed and angry is that when we purchased this house and I saw what my wife and my sister in law were planning I was told that this would be only 5 years and my mother in law would move in with my wifes sister who lives less than a mile away. That has not happened. My sister-in-law has a 30 year old son and 2 years ago she spent some money to split her home up so her son could live there with a private entrance. She wanted him to finish school. He has quit school and tends bar, and as far as I can see will never move out. My sister in laws home is much larger than ours, she has 2 full bathrooms, 4 bedrooms.
At one point she was supposed to make a room for mother in law with a bed and a place for her to be confortable so at least my wife and I could have a little privacy for a day or two a week. She bought a footon, and the mother-in-law stayed there 1 night.
I have lost all hope of ever getting her out of this house. I do not like this woman 1 bit. 4 years ago I had a fed ex package that was supposed to be delivered to my home. It contained some very vital software disks for my work as an IT Manager. Because the company had my name a little off she told the driver no one by that name lived here. By 11am when I didnt have my delivery I asked her if Fed Ex had come. She lied and said no. I called Fed Ex, they told me they had attempted delivery, of course I told them they must be mistaken because my mother in law said there was no sign of the truck. This went on until 5 PM, when I finally spoke to the driver. Understand that I had called and asked my mother in law 3 more times about this delivery and 3 more times she lied about it. Finally at the end of the day the driver was back at the Fed Ex Depot and I got him on the phone. He described my mother in law perfectly. So I confronted her with the truth. She told me that yes she lied to me because she doesnt like people yelling at her. She's insane. 3 weeks ago started yelling at me because some ancient laundry mangle was not where she thought it was. Of course I didnt touch the thing, but saw it had fallen behind her chest of drawers.
I have place to hang even a shirt, her stuff is in every single room of my home except my basement. I want her out of here. I am started to feel guilty for having these feelings towards my wife's mother. But my poor wife doesnt know what to do. She works very hard and I try not to burden her with my feelings about this, but I am not successful much of the time. She wants her gone as much as I do. I just don't know how to get rid of her. I feel like selling this house and moving away, but I am not sure how that would solve our problem. We can't just throw her on the street and expect her to fend for herself. Lately I have been getting so upset of this that my blood pressure gets very high. I think this women is going to live forever and I will be stuck with her until I die.
We (my wife and I) do not entertain or have friends over. She (mother in law) has people over every day. She sits up stairs in my living room, which is a joke because in 12 years I have not once sat in that room to read a book or watch a movie. It's filled with her stuff and its making me truly crazy and hard to live with at times.
I need to find out what our legal responsiblilities our, and if there is any place we can put her, or at least threaten to put her, to get my sister in law to allow her mother to move out of this house.
Every single person that I relay these circumstances to are amazed at how unfair this is. I realize that compared to refugees that have had their homes destroyed and families killed by ISIS are suffering, and my wife and I live in comparitive luxury. It just kills me that this woman did zero to try to build a life with anyone, didnt think about her future, and now my wife and I live in a basement and attic and have a poor excuse for a kitchen. i have given my mother in law 12 years of life living in a nice home, big living room, large master bed room, full bathroom. I have a bucket I have to use if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's crazy, and although I tell my wife I will not bother her anymore and rant about this, I do not want to drop it. Tonight I told her that her and her sister have to talk very soon and decide or plan for their mothers future.
Thank you.... I know I probably have repeated myself and the things that drive me crazy every day... believe me there is so much more here that I havent touched on. I don't speak to mother in law at all anymore, and I am sure she must know she is not welcome. I heard her tell my sister in law one day after she took her shopping for 15 minutes.... "You are quite wonderful" What a joke. She's not wonderful. It's her other daughter, Leslie (and myself) that are wonderful because we have sacrificed a home we worked very hard to get so she can live as if she actually prepared for her old age. She did'nt. Twice the entire family had to kick in thousands of dollars to help her pay off her debt. She has to get out of here or I am gonna have a stroke. Any advice would be helpfull.
Thanks
LongSuffering
Elmwood Park, NJ