Don't feel myself since cannabis

Hello,

So I have this really weird story that is almost happening 2 years now and it is making me more miserable every day.

So over 2 years ago I met a girl and fell in love with her. Well that is the only good part of the story.
I knew she did cannabis now and then and decided to try it with her once (what could possibly go wrong?).

Well it actually ruined my life since, atleast I think it has I am not even sure. When we used it I suddenly felt sick. I didn't worry too much about it at first.. I felt sick but thought it would be over soon. When the worst part was over I decided to sit on bed with my then girlfriend. When I looked at her suddenly all my loving feelings where gone. I panicked like how can I suddenly lose my feelings in just one second. Since that night I have always been worried why my feelings just dissapeared and never came back. And been obsessing by things that I didn't even care about before. I felt nervous when I was near her. Couldn't have much fun with her anymore. Still didn't want to leave her and hope it would all be okay.

At first I was really depressed about it. I went from the happiest time of my life to the worst of all. I couldn't work at school, couldn't have fun nothing really. I talked to my GP and told me that I was currently depressed and shouldn't worry about my feelings as they are flat when you are depressed. So I kept positive and tried to hold on. But the worry never ended. I kept thinking why I don't feel it. She was everything to me.

I actually hold on for a year, because I couldn't leave her I kept thinking about that time I had and suddenly it was all gone. After a year I started to try to feel happy again and do fun stuff. That worked, but I have never felt truly happy anymore. I don't know why. Was I still depressed or still couldn't accept I lost my feelings?

Anyway I started to be a not so nice guy to her. I've always hated myself because of that and it made me sad but I couldn't help. And for some reason I really couldn't leave her. Scared of making a wrong choice.

She ended the relationship eventually about a month ago. And I thought maybe this is better. But as soon as I realised she really meant it, it all went back to the start. Feeling depressed. Depressed she left me. And I still worried about not having loving feelings, which I have been doing every minute of the last 2 years.

I still talk to her currently asking why she broke up. It was really me doing not nice stuff.. Since that moment I forced myself to be nice and she is suddenly thinking of maybe she made a mistake. I don't know if that is the best thing at the moment but I want it so badly..

So if you read the whole story, thank you.. now my question.. what is it what I have experienced? Did I trigger some depression? Did I trigger something that made me anxious that never really dissapeared? Did that stuff change my brain? Did I just really fall out of love because of smoking that stuff or was it all a coincidence? I've had relationships in the past and never experienced this nor did I get depressed about falling out of love or something like that. It's all been very strange for me and I don't know what to do anymore.

I realy hope someone is taking this seriously and has some answers because it is destroying me.