by guylfe » Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:15 am
Everyone is better than everyone in some way or another. It's your insecurity making you focus on those parts, and the first step of overcoming that is realizing that there is nothing objectively worse about you than others, you're just too caught up with where you feel you lack. There is always reason to feel good about yourself, and there is always reason to feel bad about yourself, it's all about what you choose to focus on. Get in the habit of looking for reasons to like yourself. You can ask your boyfriend what he likes about you, as someone else suggested. From your post it seems that you have a habit of self deprecation, and if you do try to break that. There is ample reason in the world to feel both good and horrible about ourselves. That's true for everyone. Our society is built nowadays in a way that makes almost everyone feel insecure, some just hide it better than others. That means you being awesome is at least as true a thought pattern to have as sucking. The thing about self esteem and its self-fulfillment is that getting into the habit of thinking you're awesome will justify itself, because confidence makes you do incredible things, which begets more confidence. You just need to get in that habit first. So I would suggest trying to change your self-deprecating thought patterns. Realize they only seem "realer" because you've trained yourself, through no fault of your own, to believe them and actively look for things to justify them. When you notice a self-deprecating thought enter your mind, try to squash it. Thinking of a known song, like "happy birthday", is something I've heard therapists suggest.
That said, If there are things about your life that bother you, or that you have received legitimate (as in, not mean-spirited, but rather constructive) criticism about, you can always work to change them. If you decide on that route, here are a couple of tips on changing something about your life:
1. It's all in the habits. Everything we do and are that can theoretically be changed through behavior stems from a habit, either an activity or a thought pattern. So to change your life, you have to figure out which of your habits you need to change, and then make it easier for you to change them. For example, I recently wanted to drink more water, so I put a large bottle on my desk where I sit for most of the day. That made getting the habit of drinking much easier. There are other habit tips, but then this post will go on for ages, so if you're interested you can look them up online, there are some wonderful free resources out there on the subject.
2. Understand that you can't approach that from a place of anger at yourself or feeling like you are worthless unless you change. First you must understand that whatever you're trying to change isn't your fault, but a product of circumstances. So beating yourself up over them is not not only a waste of energy, but simply wrong (maybe you already know that, but I wanted to say it just in case you didn't). Then, realize that changing those habits will be hard and require concentrated, dedicated effort, and you will sometimes fail. So if, for example, your goal is getting skinnier (which by the way is a matter of taste and not objective looks. For that matter, I personally prefer chubby girls to skinny ones, so that comparison you made), there will be stumbles setting you back a bit, but those will only be a failure in your mission if you let them define you. In order to succeed, you must do it because you positively want to improve the quality of your life and climb the mountain, not because you negatively are afraid of staying where you are. The negative approach is bound to fail because the process is difficult and as I said, you won't always succeed. When you approach change from a negative viewpoint, a single stumble will get you angry at yourself and waste your energy focusing on the negative you're getting away from as opposed to the mountain you're trying to climb. When you look at change positively, the goal will remain that mountain even after you fail.
Hope at least some of it helps, I would love to hear your feedback so I can better help you in your particular case.