Cutting, Anger, and Depression - Advice?

Thank you Mike
I see a lot of good in your answer. I have recently been confronted by my pshychiatrist about confronting the behaviour or bflat.sharp the person vs. bflat.sharp the self mutilator. It was quite difficult to stand up and confront the behaviour, and asking myself why ? At least I am at the point where the war is going on in my head. Previously I just did sometimes without stopping. Now I can stop and with a lot of pain say no. One of my other therapists have suggested that I chop up a bag of wood with a real big axe. I did that yesterdag and although my body is sore from doing it, I did not hurt myself. That I see as progression. I think I reached the same level of adrenaline than through cutting. I also bought a dartboard and 9 darts and paste the persons name/situation on the board and throw them and say what I think as I throw. So one gets rid of the agression. I might not change this behaviour in one day, but at least I made a DECISION to start fighting it.

Sometimes I feel better doing som eintense physical activity. But it's hard to MAKE it happen. When I am at that point it's like a ton of lead poured over all of me and I can hardly do anything. It's all slo-mo and dark. Like a veil falls down from my head. I can even seem to FEEL it. Am I nuts?

Actually, I have been better for a couple of weeks. I have set some goals and projects, and am working hard at them.

Hi Moozer!

Good to see you back - I wondered how you were getting on!

Curiously, I've been having that "ton of lead" feeling recently - I was talking to my masseur about it (she had been helping me with a pinched nerve in the hip). It's a very curious feeling, because I know that I CAN move all my muscles, but it seems such an unbelievable effort to do so. The feeling seems to last a couple of days, then it fades off and I get back to normal. At first I thought I might just be over tired, but when I thought about it I realised that I was quite OK for energy level, and actually had quite a few plans and things to do, and I was getting quite frustrated because this feeling was making everything so difficult. Like you, I have noticed that serious activity seems to pull me out of it, and I am now thinking of ways to increase the amount of activity I do. I swim regularly, and walk a bit, but I do spend an awful lot of the day sitting down...

Kathleen