Neurotypical married to a man with aspergers syndrome

Hi Candid... hang in there. In my experience when my world is crashing about, the best thing to do is stand still and let it find it's own ending. It's often taken me to places or situations I would never have thought or wished for, but they were better places and I was happier having fate decide. Keep strong

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Wow, Candid. Thank you for this.

Insidious lies. Outright lies. Destroying lives. What a world we live in.

I'm so glad I could help out with some info for you. Please hold strong. I love you.

Candid wrote:… I gave up my voluntary job after doing it at home for six months, and quit my writing group because it was happening only on zoom.

This seems to be the most difficult. When we elect to disengage from an activity it is important to find a healthy alternative. If we don’t, it is too easy to become socially isolated and lose a sense of purpose/meaning. Of course, finding alternatives is easier said than done given lockdowns.

This person I know (yes, I have a major crush on him) is engaged to someone with ASD. He thinks that she will get better. He refuses to talk about her regarding this topic.

I first started looking into this when he told me that she has Asperger's, which was about last December. Those are the only two sites I really look at; I probably found other places to learn about it earlier on, but I don't remember them. I gather from the testimonials that "Mainstream BS Artists" put a different spin on things, making ASD/HFA behaviors something intimate partners must put up with while they themselves must disappear for the good of all.

I'm convinced that childhood vaccines are the cause of the rise in autism rates (talking U.S. here). Genetics also play a role, of course.

Recently, I've been thinking my late husband's first wife was/is undiagnosed aspie based on the bits about his life with her that he shared with me.

Candid wrote:It doesn't help that I have Complex PTSD which means I'm predisposed to depression and addictions anyway.

My crush's childhood also sucked, with an abusive father and a mother doing some nasty things herself while he was growing up that I don't want to 'publicize' here. His one friend said that he's used to yelling and what-not from growing up and that is probably why he feels his relationship with fiance is normal.

Candid wrote:That's me.
I found this site https://www.theneurotypical.com/index.html thanks to a post by quietvoice and wanted to put it here so I can easily find it again.

I've known my partner for about 20 years and we've been married for 16, with a lot of coming and going (me leaving, then going back to him) including a separation that lasted from 2010 to 2015 with no contact during that time.

Neurotypicals who interact daily with someone with ASD will find great difficulty in understanding why they are unable to have a complete relationship with their spouse or partner with ASD. This causes the neurotypical to experience feelings of grief, anger, fear and loneliness.

That is SO true, and for me matters have got so much worse since the coronahoax started, because I gave up my voluntary job after doing it at home for six months, and quit my writing group because it was happening only on zoom.

Having seen the paragraph quoted above I understand what the trouble was in both cases: neither of them gave me a break. It's now rare for me to have a face-to-face conversation with anyone other than Himself, and my life, frankly, is a nightmare.

It doesn't help that I have Complex PTSD which means I'm predisposed to depression and addictions anyway. I've gained masses of weight and I feel rotten about that too.

Just venting. And saving info: https://www.theneurotypical.com/downloa ... ochure.pdf

People live in dysfunctional relationships all the time, regardless of aspergers. Aspies can be humanitarians, dicks, nice guys, and all the rest. Just like neurotypicals. But if you want to blame it on aspergers rather than the actual person, then by all means - have a blast!

I repeat: There is no single profile associated with aspergers. They can and will differ along the same spectrum as neurotypicals.

They can be mediocre, bright, gifted, geniuses. Great at math, terrible at math. Love animals, hate animals. Love sex, hate sex.

Aspergers is fundamentally an internal condition.

Algorithm wrote:People live in dysfunctional relationships all the time, regardless of aspergers.

Right, that is true.

Are you saying that it is healthy to stay in a dysfunctional relationship? Ought not one leave it for the sake of their own sanity?

Algorithm wrote:Aspies can be humanitarians, dicks, nice guys, and all the rest. Just like neurotypicals.

Right, again. They can be a humanitarian nice guy. However, when one observes closely they see that they are not "just like neurotypicals." They are putting on an act.

Aspies have no self-awareness; the aspie ego is so large it overshadows any sense of humility.

Algorithm wrote:But if you want to blame it on aspergers rather than the actual person, then by all means - have a blast!

There's a reason for it, that you refuse to see, or rather, just cannot see.

Algorithm wrote: Aspies can be . . . dicks,

As witnessed in your recent thread. A good reason not to live with one.


From your recent thread:

quietvoice wrote:

quietvoice wrote:I wonder why a woman would purposely go after aspies.

An aspie lies his/her way into a neurotypical's life, then proceeds to emotionally abuse them.

Algorithm wrote:Aspergers is fundamentally an internal condition.

Does it matter about anything you say in defense, if the real life situations in ASD/NT relationship prove that this type of relationship downgrades/destroys the "internal condition" of the neurotypical?

The neurotypical is never happy in one of these relationships. They are always, always, always accomodating aspie's lack of all that makes an intimate relationship enjoyable. They are long-suffering while aspie enjoys his parasitic ways.

The bottom line is that those with this neurological deficit are emotional (and many times, not all the time, financial) parasites upon their partners or live-in family members.

quietvoice wrote:[
Right, again. They can be a humanitarian nice guy. However, when one observes closely they see that they are not "just like neurotypicals." They are putting on an act.
fundamentally an internal condition.
Does it matter about anything you say in defense, if the real life situations in ASD/NT relationship prove that this type of relationship downgrades/destroys the "internal condition" of the neurotypical?

The neurotypical is never happy in one of these relationships. They are always, always, always accomodating aspie's lack of all that makes an intimate relationship enjoyable. They are long-suffering while aspie enjoys his parasitic ways.

The bottom line is that those with this neurological deficit are emotional (and many times, not all the time, financial) parasites upon their partners or live-in family members.

*Rant response: Did an aspie touch you when you were a child?

Algorithm wrote:*Rant response: Did an aspie touch you when you were a child?

gaslighting

Yet again.

I'm out of here. Bye, Algorithm.

quietvoice wrote:
Yet again.

I'm out of here. Bye, Algorithm.

Goodbye, German teaser.

Algorithm wrote:

quietvoice wrote:
Yet again.

I'm out of here. Bye, Algorithm.

Goodbye, German teaser.

Are you a nonce? Sure are creepy

tokeless wrote:


Are you a nonce? Sure are creepy

You're just jealous that she wrote to me in German!

Algorithm wrote:

tokeless wrote:


Are you a nonce? Sure are creepy

You're just jealous that she wrote to me in German!

Of course I am creepy guy... such a lonely, saddo existence you have. Do you know anyone in the real world, you know, that you don't inflate?