Hello all,
Let me preface this post by admitting I've been lurking here a while, and have learned so much from the experience and advice of everyone on this site! It means so much to know others are going through marijuana withdrawal and recovery, where 'common knowledge' suggests no such thing exists. To this end I wish to contribute my experience, from start to finish, and would like to use this forum as a tool to do so. The one thing we all need - more than anything - is the assurance that one day the pain, anxiety, depression, and confusion will lift. I pray I have the strength to see that end, and for this diary to serve as a source of hope for others - just as your stories have served as a source of hope for me.
I've been an occassional smoker all my life - in my mid-40s now - but I never had a problem with weed until 'medical marijuana' made growing my own a legal possibility. For the past 3 years or so, that's what I've done. During those years, I smoked day and night, having access to an effectively unlimited supply of extremely high quality, organic herb (mostly sativa). My tolerance grew quickly, to the point where I was probably going through 1 oz / month. That's when the problems started. As many here report, I started to develop problems with anxiety, high or not, where I never had such problems before. I started having chronic muscle aches, mostly in my back, chronic headaches, problems dealing with stress, tinnitus, heart palpitations, muscle tremors, and more. I fell into depression, which combined with my inability to handle stress and focus, resulted in the failure of my business. I saw doctor after doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me - completely unaware any of it was related to weed. Why I couldn't put the pieces together I don't know, other than to say belief is a powerful force. If you believe that weed is 'harmless' and 'non-addicting', you tend to ignore the obvious facts to the contrary.
Anyway - really long story a bit shorter - I quit, and went through horrible withdrawals. Whoever says weed doesn't cause physical problems doesn't know what they're talking about! The only thing worse than the physical problems were the emotional ones. I went through hell. By the end of that time, I was feeling much better. But I still wasn't sure it was weed(stupid, I know), and tired of dealing with doctors, I ran my own experiment: I started smoking again to see what happened.
Initially, all my remaining problems pretty much vanished! Feeling pretty sure I was, in fact, going through withdrawal, I then stopped again, and they returned. Each and every problem returned. Proof positive. Time to quit for good.
That's where I'm at now. I now know, for sure, that my heavy use caused numerous physical and mental problems while using. I know now that withdrawal from weed caused even more physical and mental problems. And I'm confident - at least at the time of this writing (one of my 'good days') - that I can get back to normal given enough time.
My plan is to post every week, until I feel I'm back to 'normal'. I'm currently on Day 14 of quitting cold turkey after spending a month weening down my use. So my first two posts following this will be playing catch-up. I'll do my best to make my weekly entries past those two.
You've all done so much for me already. I hope I can return the favor.
- JR