Hello-
I know similar questions have been asked here but I feel that I need fresh advice.
My husband has a shoe fetish. It’s very specific- he is sexually aroused by women’s oxford style shoes. They can be flats or heels but must lace up. Sneakers or other shoes with laces are not a part of the fetish, only oxfords.
I’m not completely opposed to his fetish and have tried to accommodate him by wearing shoes during sex about 75% of the time. But he is constantly begging me to wear these shoes in public and buy new pairs (basically the same freaking shoe over and over again).
Not sure exactly what my problem is with this, but part of it is that I don’t like the idea of bringing something that sexual into our public lives. I hate the idea of being out with friends or family and knowing that he is being sexually aroused or thinking about sex while we are there because of my shoes. I also Struggle with anxiety and self esteem issues and can’t help but feel the shoes are the only way he feels attracted to me, despite his insistence that it isn’t like that. My other issue is that I find this style of shoe to be hideous for the most part. I think I wouldn’t mind as much if it were a shoe I found fashionable and comfortable.
Finally, I am having trouble with the extreme guilt I feel about just not being into it. He claims that if I want him to stop asking me to wear the shoes he will. But that seems unfair to him and there must be a compromise. It seems he has all or nothing thinking- either I indulge him whenever he asks or not at all. Why can’t it be a once in a while thing?
Can anyone weigh in here? I don’t think our marriage is in trouble because of this but how can I accommodate him without forcing myself into uncomfortable situations? Anyone found compromises that work? How can I be sensitive to his needs without sacrificing my own?