Passive Agressive Anger

Hello, i'm not sure if this is the right place to post what i got to say. I hope someone here can offer me some insight into my situation.

I've recently become married, as of last july, and well, alot has happened before and after that is resulting me in not being able to control my agression.

From the very start...I met my current wife about 4 years ago, but it was just last December when we got together. She was kinda still with her ex at that point, and they were pretty much seperated. I left her move in with me, as i did have previous experince with her...and alot of emotions that were never resolved due to a very short fling.

Well, needless to say, things were weird. She would go meet her ex all the time, and they would be on the phone or msn chatting for a very long time. He would call at all sorts of weird hours of the day. I started to get pretty suspicious of all this, and confrounted her with it. I told her, you can't be with both of us, either you are with me or her. She started to tell me she felt nothing for him, and for the most part i believed her. That i was just a freindship.

Well...about 3 months into the realationship, i confrounted her with it again. I told her, if you really want to be with him, them move out and be with him. (i accidently heard the word love used in a phone conversation, and a few times she was online with him she was crying...).

After a few difficult weeks, she left one day in a fit of rage and had sex with him. She came back to me crying, and i told her to get out, go talk to her parents about getting her stuff out of my apartment. Well, it didn't end there, her father called me...gave me every excuse in the book for his daughters behaviour. After about 3-4 hours of being on the phone, i agreeded to speak with her. I let her stay at the apartment. Getting back together was never mentioned. After i got back from work one day, she had packed some bags, and was waiting in the pourch for me when i got some, saying that she was going to run away but changed her mind. Oddly enought, a few days after i let her back, my grandmother and my brother came to town. My grama just happened to hint that an ex of mine might have had a kid with me, which turned out to be totally bs.

This enraged my ex when we got home, she screamed and yelled for a whole night, and the accusations didn't stop. As of exactly one week after she first cheated, she went and spend the night again with her ex. I was out with my best friend and running later then expected...she left a note telling me how much she hated me, how much she like sex with her ex, and how she thought of him when she was f***ing me.

I'm not to sure how we got back together after that. I know i was incredibly hurt by the experience. I forgot to mention...the fact that before any of this stuff started happening, there was talk of marriage. After cheating, The ex really pushed the marriage issue. At that point, i really didn't care, i just went along with whatever happened.

We did get married...but the whole time, she kept up constant contact with her ex. The night before we got married, i told her i would not go throught with it if he was still to be in her life. She agreeded, and we did.

For the most part, contact with her ex was brought down to a level i didn't notice. It did not stop thou, as i discovered she had nearly 5-6 sites just for him to communicate with her. These sites were all created during the time of out realtionship as well. I confrounted her, very upset about it, and she promised time and again to end this sh**.

As of 1 month ago, we started conselling. She promised to cease any and all contact with her ex. As of a few weeks ago, she was still receiving messages from him throught these sites. She says that she has been deleting them, but i don't believe her.

It's really tearing my up inside when i have to confrount here. It's seems the lies never end. My behaviour towards discovering this stuff is really becoming quite intense. I get angry, and fustrated. For the most part, she gets pissed off, and defensive, and keeps lying straight to my face.

Here's the real kicker thou.

She has a diagnosed depression disorder.

She has a hormonal imbalance.

She was previously in a extremely abusive realtionship (physical) and her ex, the one she cheated on me with, was a real control freak, who has used every trick in the book to guilt her about leaving him. He threated sucide one multiple occations...and her father is no help, still claims this guy is a good guy after all the emtional abuse caused..

She is seeking treatment, with both a consellor, and a mental health worker.

She is has and will be continuing conselling with me.


For the most part, i am willing work stay with her, as long as she is being treated. I need to deal with the triggers that set me off.

As for her ex and all the business, he has moved to another province, so that issue is over with. I still find myself thinking she is cheating or decieving me. I get very aggrivated easy...and can't stop myself.