Are my triggers normsl

John_smith wrote:... a difficulty I have is trying to explain to people how I need them to act around me and why.

People don’t need to act how you want them to. The world doesn’t operate around your needs. Whatever triggers you, that is your problem, no one else’s. If you don’t like eye contact or thinking people are joking or talking about you, tough. That’s the way the world works.

Take your list, and no matter how long it is, start working on your problem. Start working on eye contact, being able to take a joke, etc.

Yes I know that I think need was a bad use of words since most the time I try to stick to how I want them to act. Also the main reason I give people the lists isn't so they will follow it perfectly because people don't work that way and I know that's a lot to ask. I give them the list because when my depression gets bad my friends have no idea what to do and I want them to understand what helps me calm down.

Your relaxation and happiness should not depend on other ppls actions :

Dont try to control everything: nothing bad is gona happen even if someone laughs, stares, and all of the list

You have to trust oneself that you are good enough, you trust oneself you will succeed in life, you trust oneself you can handle whatsoever comes

Why even bother at all? What someone thinking, whats someone laughing about is not going to effect anything about your life, so why act like you are on survival mode, defensive mode

Relax and enjoy : allow others do their own stupid things , you oneself do your own stupid things dont try so much effort, no need for garding, defending, feel free, feel safe, enjoy , relax

The world shouldn't have to revolve around you, and what "triggers" you. You're going to be offended by things, people are going to joke about you, and people are going to bad mouth you, and you don't get to control people, and bend them to your will, that's not how life works.

Moreover, why should you care about what other people think of you? They aren't you, and they should be able to do things their own way, just as you should be able to go about your business in your own way.

Depression can be characterized in different ways but in my experience it is usually defined by a sense of feeling bad about myself. The worse I feel about myself the worse my depression gets. For me guilt and depression are the same thing.

It took me a long time to realize that the guilt and the shame and the worry about who I was, were caused by the fact that I internalized bad things around me. It is not uncommon for depressed people to be extremely sensitive, and that sensitivity causes them to be deeply affected by suffering around them, or anything they perceive as negativity directed at them. A person with less empathy would shrug these things off, but a sensitive person will internalize them, and instead of feeling bad ABOUT something that happened, they feel bad about themselves.

I had a rough adolescence and less than ideal home life, which meant a lot of negative stuff happening around me. The logical thing to have done at the time would be to say, hey, I'm a good person and it's not my fault this stuff is happening so I'm gonna be me and live my best life and not let this stuff get me down. That would be the logical approach to take. But as a highly sensitive person I internalized all this suffering surrounding me, and I redirected it on my innocent self, and I legitimately believed I was a bad person and needed to be punished. That I needed to be hard on myself. And I experienced many of the triggers you are describing above. If someone laughed around me I worried they were laughing about me. If someone was loud or aggressive I would feel it was directed at me. It was hard for me to make eye contact. This sense of feeling bad about oneself because of negative outside stimuli which you are not responsible for is a well known psychological phenomena and a psychologist can tell you more about it.

It took me many years, but eventually I realized that I was not responsible for most of the negative things happening around me. It took me even longer to realize that even if I am responsible for the odd dumb thing or mistake, or even a big one, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if someone laughs at me because I did something odd or if someone I meet doesn't like me or if people talk about me behind my back. This stuff happens to everyone and it's just a part of life. The reason it triggers some people and not others is because of their sense of self-worth. If you have a strong sense of self-worth then I guarantee you these triggers you are worried about will not bother you.

You might wonder how to get to that point. Well there are a number of tangible things you can do, such as doing what makes you feel happy, doing what gives you a sense of purpose, being productive, etc. But the first step is to try and understand how to love yourself. It is easier said than done. My suggestion to people trying to understand how to do that is to imagine someone you love very much (most sensitive/depressed people have been in love before or loved someone a lot), and think what you would want for that person. Think about how you would want them to feel. What that sense of happiness would look like, feel like, for them. Think about if that person made a minor, or even a major mistake. Would you want them to feel guilty? Would you want them to feel bad because one day someone laughed at them? Very likely you would not want them to feel guilty and you would tell them they are great and there is no reason to feel bad. It's easy to imagine this state of being for someone you love.

To be happy all you need to understand is how to apply that same logic, that same perspective to your own soul. If you can love yourself then all of these triggers will melt away I assure you. It sounds dumb but it is the foundation for everything when it comes to finding happiness and doing the things you want to do in life and getting what you want out of life.