Need help with quick fuse

Damn man, im sorry for your "affliction". I once had something similar long ago. For me, i would get intimidatingly angry for little to no reason. I took medication but got off it due to my pride. Eventually i realized that my anger came from a different source. My childhood. I took it out piece by piece for any reason i deemed necessary. I don't know you. Maybe your angry about something else. A dark past you either repressed or ignored. Try exploring that with a therapist. You could even do it with your wife. Im sure she would be willing to listen.

Thanks for the reply. You may be on to something. I didn't have a horrible childhood but my father and his father we're both the same way. They both we're no nonsense with a short fuse. My wife says may of the times I blow up, it's not that I'm mad that bothers her it's the level of mad. I've never directed anger towards her. I don't scream at my wife of belittle her. She just doesn't like it when I'm anger. I really need to slow this fuse and manage my temperment.

Hi Wolfie.

Welcome to the Forum.

Yeah, you are angry all right. I know how that is. But I have a first question: are you ever Angry just all by yourself, or do you get angry for the benefit of the people who are with you. I noticed that about myself – that relatively Serious Trigger Events would occur when I was all by myself, and I would be annoyed, but there would be no ‘Drama’ – no prolonged cussing or tossing things around. In my own situation I guess I needed to show the people I was with that Things Were Not Going Right, and I would do it with rather Demonstrative Anger. I guess it was a Residual Habit from having been just some Stupid Kid, and I just never learned how it was to behave like a rational adult. You see, if Something Goes Wrong for a Rational Adult who is keeping company, and he wants to signal to his Friends that This Was Not What He Expected, then he will simply shrug his shoulders, or if he is Host of the Party, then he might apologize for any inconvenience to his Guests… but there is no reason to kick and scream and have a Baby Crying Fit Tantrum over it.

But, it could be the case where you get Angry AND Destructive even if you are alone. I would have to think about that one, but I will wait for your answer before I waste too much brain power on it.

One of my favorite pieces of Advice is to Monitor your Adrenaline Rushes. Whenever anybody is destructively Angry – cussing and poking at strangers (that’s assault by the way), and kicking down doors – THAT is Adrenaline. Most people think that Adrenaline HITS Instantaneously, but it doesn’t – it takes a few seconds to ratchet up, and in that few seconds, if you catch it, you can stop it simply be willing it stopped. I have found that The First Sign of an Adrenaline Rush is the Clenching of the Teeth.. the jaw Muscles. You see, the Jaws muscles are the closest Muscles to the Brain, and they are close to the Arterial Blood Supply, so they are the first to ‘feel’ the Adrenaline. Here is the Trick: if you feel your Teeth Clench, simply UNCLENCH THEM, and realize that you Just Dodged the Anger Bullet. It may take practice. You may have to get over somehow WANTING to get angry. You will find, in the beginning of your Anger Management Efforts, that you will see situations where you Know You Can Stop It Before It Even Starts…but you find yourself Ignoring Your Better Judgment, and you just Let the Adrenaline Pour Out, and just seconds Later you are Doing the Anger Thing. And, boy oh boy, you will regret it! It’s part of the Learning Process.

Now, just to talk Anger Management, and to use details from your Post, for instance, about the car. Whenever I get a New Car, I KNOW… I understand that there will certainly be a First Dent. Sometimes I think I should just give the new Car a good kick before even leaving the Sales Lot, just to get it over with. But, when it DOES Happen, I expect it, and take it quietly…crying about it doesn’t help, does it? Now, YOU must have thought about something like that. And why is it that you go to the far reaches of the Parking Lot and you are probably one of those people who use 2 Spaces so you have Extra Clearance… and then you can walk a half a mile to get to the store. It is REALLY inconvenient. Wouldn’t it just be easier to let your car get all dinged and dented up, and every 10 years, get the Body and Paint Job, like you did before? You know all this, but it is like you are Irrational.

And about the guy “hitting on your wife”. You went outside with him, right? Well, what did he say… you didn’t tell us that. He probably said he was just talking to your wife. You know that happens all the time. If you would have just sat down and smiled when you got back, the ‘Gentleman’ who was talking to your wife might have explained, and filled you in on what he had been talking about with her. Or if he was ‘hitting’ on her, well, he would have had a chance to apologize, and congratulate you one having such a nice beautiful wife. You see, Stuff like this Happens All the Time, but 9 times out of 10 it is harmless. In many cases the ‘Intruder’ winds up buying the both of you a drink. Would that be so terrible?

Anyway, your whole Life is probably One Angry Story after another. To really get some Control over your Anger, it will take some Time and a lot of Self-Discipline. Tell me, if you would, please, are you comfortable with Reading Books. Some people hate reading. But if you are not uncomfortable with Reading, you should begin to get acquainted with the Anger Management Literature. When I first started addressing my own Anger Issues there were only about 7 or 8 books available for Anger Management, but now there are dozens. Read the reviews and see what appeals to you. My favorite Anger Management authors are Peter Favaro and Ron Efron-Potter; but there are a number of good Anger Management books out there.

What Reading does, if you do it Every Day, is it keeps you Aware, Alert, and In the Zone as far as Anger is Concerned. You learn to anticipate ‘Trigger Events’ (such as when you let your Wife drive your car… you must be prepared for her to have an accident without you getting all irate about it– you learn to go into situations already prepared for the worst, so to speak). And there are Benefits in these books which I just can’t easily describe. The Better Books are written by really smart people who have thought about it all for a long time, and they have hundreds of different great ideas, and stories to tell. These books can be very helpful.

Hi Wolfie,

I have a very simple exercise for you. But if you actually apply it, you will be amazed at how things change between you and your wife.

(I'm not going to address your issues with other people here, because it seems that it's your relationship with your wife that is your top priority at the moment.)

Every time you feel like she's done something wrong (even the smallest things, and even if you don't get angry about it), rather than pointing it out to her from across the room, come up to her, sit or stand next to her, take her hand and then say, "Honey, I want you to know that this action of yours really upset me" (or whatever you would like to tell her). This shows to her that you are not coming from an angry place, but from a place of love. And this strengthens your bond, so that when serious arguments do occur, you manage to keep your cool and express your concerns without hurting each other physically or mentally.

I realize that when you are angry, this is very hard to do. So your goal is to practice this exercise on a day-to-day basis with the smallest things, so that in a couple of weeks it will become a habit. And then you will be able to apply it even when your temper is about to get the best of you.

Again, it might sound simplistic, but this stuff works if you actually apply it.

Hope this helps!

Best,
Olga

Hi Olga,

Wow! Olga, the 'Soft Voice and the Holding Hands' Way of Doing It, is Certainly the Best Way, when it works, BUT, I think that such a Soft and Loving Approach must Start a the Beginning of a Relationship... that the Soft and Loving Approach has to be proved in and have the Confidence of Both People, particularly the Weaker Partner, if they are not physically equally matched. Why? Well, the First Thing I thought of was our Angry Man walking up to his Wife and 'snatching' her hand.... Oh My God! She would Panic! What if He Won't Let Go!? and then he starts Criticizing! She Knows Where that Always Goes, and now, holding one hand, he is close enough to smack her with the other, and she can't get away! What would keep her from getting hysterical? .

No. I don't think it would work. angry people soon lose the Physical Trust of the people they are in relationship with. Indeed, some people who have come from a Background of Anger and Physical Abuse don't feel SAFE with anybody. I remember when I was first dating my wife, before we married. If I would make a quick movement in her proximity, she would jump back or snap into some defensive stance. "Wow", I thought at the time... "somebody was smacking this girl around". THAT should have been my Warning! she was Damaged Goods and Stay Away! But IF we have ever been Angry in a Relationship, and not necessarily Abusive... just Loud and Obnoxious, still there seems a Plausible Threat of Violence in that, and so there is a Forfeit of Physical Trust. You can't just walk up and take Their Hand anymore... not without some Calming, Soothing and Reassuring Preparation... like a Date Night that all goes well, or a romantic dinner that all goes well. But NOT right after your partner commits some Screw Up... she would be Terrified with you even just Getting Close Enough to Hit Her.

Or maybe I have been living on the Shadowy Side of Town Too Long. Your Advice is for Nice People, but nice people aren't so common in my experience, but that may be the fault of 'my experience', not your good advise. .

You might actually be right, Leo! I have never thought about it this way

osenych wrote:You might actually be right, Leo! I have never thought about it this way

Wow!

Hi Olga,

I am so glad you agree. I have so much respect for your Anger Management 'savvy' that I had to think and think and then re-think to make sure that I wasn't being delusional somehow.

You know, I have worked a lot with Animals, particularly Cats -- I would 'socialize' kittens to make them more 'adoptable' (to get them to come to the front of their caqe and meow for attention whenever a human being walked by, and you can guess how I managed that -- treats and affection!), and I worked with Strays and Feral Cats. Working with Feral Cats taught me how to work with and recognize Beings who are Living with Fear but who find ways of Working with it and around It-- these Feral Cats would at first adopt a very Conservative Safe Distance -- 20 feet, but would study me and learn my limitations and so they would allow me closer -- an inch or two closer every day. Then there was the importance of Ritualized Behaviors -- things I would do Every Day would be classified as Safe, including reaching out and thumping them (affectionately)... at first it would startle them and they would jump back, but if I instantly turned away and resumed normal Activity they would conclude that 'It Was Nothing to Worry About'. And I would build on Acclimatizing them to such Ritualized Behavior. Some Ferals I could pick up and kiss... as long as it only took about a second and half -- Up, Kiss, Down.... that fast, that was Okay.

So the Idea of Doing Something Completely New, especially Approaching inside their Personal Distance Zone and Taking Hold of and Arm or Hand, to Somebody who was Living in Fear but who had Adapted to It, probably by using Safe Distances and only accepting Ritualized 'Safe' Behavior Patterns.... well I KNOW it would Freak Out a Feral Cat, so why not a 'feral' Human. Such was my thinking.

You know, I should have kept a Journal in regards to the Work I did with those Feral Cat Feeding Stations. I have enough Scientific Background, and I am so quick to spot a 'good story' that such a journal would have been both useful and entertaining. But i was busy.... Maybe in my Next Life...

Do you think that discussing the change in your behavior first with your partner would help? What if Wolfie actually told his wife that he learned this new technique and would like to implement it? And only then started practicing it?

Just curious what your thoughts are on this) Because that's how my husband and I started doing it. But we never had any serious anger episodes in the first place. For Wolfie and his wife things might be different.

osenych wrote:Do you think that discussing the change in your behavior first with your partner would help? What if Wolfie actually told his wife that he learned this new technique and would like to implement it? And only then started practicing it?

Just curious what your thoughts are on this) Because that's how my husband and I started doing it. But we never had any serious anger episodes in the first place. For Wolfie and his wife things might be different.

Oh, Yeah! IF our Angry Friend can Maintain Control, then it would be Excellent if he could say to his Wife "Sweet Heart, I've been talkin to People and readln stuff, and I want to try something, and YOU are going to like it.... I promise! This is what I want us to do -- first I'll talk soft and won't raise my voice and I will come up and get close to you and we can sit down and hold hands and then I'll talk nice about the weather or whatever, and nothing bad will happen. This will get us used to talkin without anything bad happenin. Sound like a good idea to you?..."

But it takes control and our Angry Guy has to Deliver on his Promise. Also, if the Wife is skittish and nervous, and prone to sarcastic comments, then our Angry Guy has to be able to take that in his stride.

But, yeah, when I was working with Animals, I did not have the Benefit of Exact Verbal Communication. I had to work exclusively with Safe and Secure Repetition of Beneficial Actions -- they learned to trust me from Pure Experience. So, yes, Communication CAN speed up the Process.... but it takes some Solid Control.

It is Almost Like the Guy has to NOT CARE Anymore What his Wife does or says. I was able to work with Animals so well because essentially I was in a place where I didn't take Anything Personally. I was happy with "Win Some, Lose Some". But Wives! Then there is the Matter that Wives know how to 'Push their Husbands' Buttons' ... they may Want some Drama... they may Want to start a Fight, and they know exactly what to do or say that will cause trouble. It is not nice to say so, but I feel that a lot of spousal abuse is intentionally provoked by the 'injured party', who may not know that their Spouse's Reaction will go Too Far, but if you could study the Dynamics of the Situation you would find that the subsequent Violence was Reactionary and Responsive -- that the Injured Party was the one who was Controlling the Situation up until the Point of Civilized Breakdown.

Anyway, it is a Formidable Task for an Angry Guy to attempt to reach a détente with a leery, cynical, defensive wife, who is probably an Angry Person herself. But what else can a Married Angry Person do? They have to try.

I wish that Angry People could just Report In somewhere, to take an Official Break from Career and Relationship Responsibilities so that they could first have a chance to Unwind and Reflect, and then to have a chance to undergo Active Therapy, replete with Evaluations, Repetition and Practice. And then, finally, When They Are Found Fit for Human Society, they could be released to go back to their Careers and Relationships. but as it is, People have to Try to Act Better, even when they have hardly Any Idea what that means, and they have Zero Practice trying to achieve It.

It took me years to achieve significantly good results with Anger Management, and the whole time up till then I was still cutting 'a mile wide swath of destruction' -- no, I wasn't that bad, and I was getting better all the time, but it doesn't Take Much to lose credibility with the people you are trying to Impress. If a KNOWN Angry Person is Completely Okay for Six Months, well, nobody remembers any of that if he has even has One relatively Minor Blow Up.... it is all "Look! he hasn't changed a bit!". So I wish People had more Options, but we are stuck with everyone at least trying to do their best with very few resources.

You know, maybe it would be better if Husband and Wife could agree to Keep their Distance for a while. Make an arrangement. The Angry Man could tell his wife that he just needs Time and Space to get used to being Un-Angry, and he can't deal with her at the Same Time. and She could probably use some Space too. Then Cut the House in two. There could be Family Dinner -- not to exceed 45 minutes (anybody can Stay Nice for 45 Minutes). There would be Rules. Everyone Dresses Nicely and promises to be on Best Behavior and only use Proper Language -- this is for Guaranteed Safety and Calm. But the Angry Couple CAN'T go on just like it is still Business as Usual, because their Anger is Part of Their Established Pattern.

Wow, Olga, it really gets Complicated, doesn't it?

Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed reply, Leo!

A lot of "aha" moments for me. I feel like you've touched on a lot of things I've noticed in my personal life, but couldn't verbalize this well in my head

I am definitely guilty as charged on what you mentioned about wives knowing how to push their husbands' buttons. I notice that even when my man is on his perfect behavior and is doing his best to keep his emotions in check, I will sometimes still reply with a sarcastic, mean-spirited comment instead of acknowledging his noble actions

And when I read your last paragraph about husband and wife keeping their distance, I remembered that when occasionally my husband and I speak English at home instead of our native language, we are usually much nicer to each other, because we can't "spit out" sentences with the same speed as usual, and therefore have some time to think before we speak

The only thing in your whole message that I have certain doubts about is taking a break from human society while you're working on yourself. I wonder whether in isolation a person would feel much better because everything is perfect in this environment and no one is pushing their buttons. And so they would go back home in 6 months thinking that they are "fixed", only to find out that they are still triggered by the same people, events and situations, because they haven't learned during their break how to apply their newly-found knowledge and skills in actual human interaction.

What are your thoughts on this? And thank you for being so generous in sharing your thoughts and experience with us!

Hi Olga,

Good! I was wondering about your own Anger Background... after all, you wrote a Book about it, and it is your ONLY book that I could find. So Anger MUST mean something to you. ... But I was too polite to ask....

anyway, about Isolation. Yes, Isolation is ONLY useful as a Preliminary -- a Time to Study Up and Reflect. Indeed, in the Old Spiritual Literature there is a story of an old Holy Man who lived in a Cave for 40 years and established himself in Perfect Peace. Then an Inspiration came that told him he should share his Great Realization with the World... well, he got as far as the first small village when the Barking Dogs, Teasing Children, and impatient bullock cart drivers had him totally upset, distraught and enraged... and so he returned to his Cave with a due sense of humility.

So when I was Imagining a Program, well, the First Part of the Program would be for Peace, Reflection and Study, but then the Practice Section of the program would involve a kind of a Military 'Boot' Camp, where the Instructors would push and provoke. the Place would Create a Small World where Nothing Would Go Right, and where Everybody would be out to Push your Buttons and Start a Fight. Of course, IT would soon become too much, too stressful, and the 'Inmate' would have to be 'flagged' and returned to the 'Classroom' for Discussion and Reflection, but THEN back out into the 'Nastiest of All Possible Worlds' for more practice until he could 'Handle It'.

Just imagine a Year in such a Camp. After THAT there could be Nothing so half-hearted in the Real World that could make a person Angry.

Of course, it would make a person 'different' -- noticeably 'different' from other people. People simply are not always THAT Calm. In fact, that IS one of the Big Problems with 'Special Military Forces' -- their Training is at that Intense Level and a kind of Perfection is Aimed for. You heard of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), well, a lot of it is just From The Training. Yes, the Wars can be traumatizing, but the Training Itself tends to create problems later when these Men (and Military Women) have to fit back into Civilian Society.

So I guess there would need to be an "ADD ON" Course on how to 'Present Oneself Like a Normal Human Being.

Oh, you haven't been Here long. So, You know, I should tell you that one of my Favorite pieces of Advice is to tell people to stop all cussing and swearing. This is not because I want to be 'prissy' and righteous, but because it seems that It is Almost Impossible to Get Good and Angry without working yourself up with Swear Words and Cussing. You probably noticed the same thing at home with your Husband, on English-Only Evenings... until you get used to English Swear Words. I hear that the English Lexicon of Swear Words are kind of like International Favorites -- they must have a kind of Nasty Sound that matches up with their Intent. Oh, I used to be the Perfect Cusser! Oh, have you been to America? In America the Best Cussers are from the East Coast -- from Boston down to Washington, but the Best of the Best are probably in Brooklyn and North Jersey... maybe Queens. and I spent some time in New Jersey. It is a blessing and a curse, literally. On the East Coast Cussing is taken for granted and is largely socially accepted, or used to be (I haven't been there for a while) but when these East Coasters go West or South, well, they are kind of Demonized...for instance, they would get 'written up' at Work for foul language... it just seems 'Out of the Blue' to the East Coasters ... They get in trouble for talking the way they have always talked. BUT, it is also TRUE that the East Coasters are more susceptible to Anger Episodes... oh, yeah, and Anger also is far more Acceptable on the East Coast then anywhere else. People are Expected to 'Get Man' when things Don't Do Right. the way you know something is 'wrong' is somebody will start yelling and cussing about it. Its Normal Behavior!

SO, to get to the Basic Center and Core of the Problem, well, just Eliminate the Cussing. Once the Cussing is Stopped, the Anger follows. It is like Cussing is to Anger as Fire is to Smoke.

anyway, I know you are trying your Best (and Writing a Book must be Great Therapy!), but now you have Me, Leo, telling you to be nice to your Husband. Remember, there are Things you Cannot UN-Say. some insults just stay in a guy's Mind and it kind of Poisons the Well of Intimacy and Good Intent. and the Best Way to keep from ever Crossing that Line is to Stay on your Good Behavior... but you also need Time to just relax. SO, you and your Husband should NOT try to be Always Together. A Man should always have a 'Library', or a 'work shop' or some place where he can be expected to not be disturbed. and of course the Wife should her own Special Room (done with such a feminine style of décor that no man would want to be there anyway!). When Husband and Wife are together, an effort should be made to dress respectably -- no Tee shirts and Underwear. Treat each other with Respect. I have noticed that a lot of Women DO treat their husbands with respect -- they keep up their appearance, and their hygiene and don't make 'rude digestion noises'... but MEN are often unaware of just how Repulsive their Casual Behavior can be to a Woman. so often Women, who become Demoralized by the low Behavior, give up trying themselves, and the Home becomes, well, unlivable for 'polite' company.

Well, that is enough from me for this evening... I don't want to become tiresome... Take care, Olga.

Thanks, Leo! This is great marriage advice indeed

My man does have his own office/workshop, but whenever I enter that room, I immediately start nagging him about the mess inside It's a good thing I now have someone "external" to remind me to be good to my poor husband, because that quiet voice of conscience in my head is sometimes too quiet to be heard))

It's funny - my husband and I don't cuss at all, but I feel like we both have a very "dark" and sarcastic sense of humor, which might actually be even worse than cursing in terms of hurting each other's feelings.

Regarding my anger background:
Anger was never a problem in my life until 11 months ago, when I had my daughter. After I gave birth, I oftentimes started finding myself stressed out, tired, and irritated. What is even worse, I am a neat freak, and you know how messy a house can get with young kids. Since my husband and I live alone, and I don't see my friends as often as I used to, unfortunately, he is the one I snap at whenever something triggers me. So, as you've pointed out, the book is my own personal therapy and also a creative outlet during this "lonely" period of my early motherhood.

Oh, and please don't ever be too polite to ask me anything

Can I ask you a personal question too? I hope I can Have you ever thought about starting the program you described, for real? Or working with people one-on-one to help them overcome their anger issues? Or writing a book about anger?

I hope your knowledge and expertise has a far greater reach than this forum. And that you are able to monetize it in some way

Again, I hope this is not too personal to ask. If so, please forgive my curiosity.

Olga

Dear Olga,

Dear Me! First Thing: STAY out of your husbands room! That Room is Invitation Only. And Knocking Before Entering doesn’t count. Your Husband is too nice to say “Go Away!” So on your own initiative, treat His Space like Forbidden Territory… and if he should ever Invite you In, well, consider it an Honor, and Don’t Look Around and Notice the Mess.

Oh, yes, Being Funny is in most cases a Curse. I come from a very Funny Family – all of us are quick to see the humor in things, BUT, very often what ‘goes as’ funny is mean, insulting and hurtful. I got lucky. In the 5th Grade I said something hurtful to a young teacher, who apparently liked me more than I had any idea of, and I made her cry – she teared up and her voice choked in front of the whole class and I had truly wished I had just dropped dead on the spot, I was so ashamed of myself. Anyway, it was a Transforming Moment in my Life… perhaps one of the most important moments in my Life, as from that moment onward, I set up Boundaries for the funny things I would say. Of course, I am a Terrible Back Biter and my Gossip can be Deadly, BUT I will never use ‘Humor’ against anybody in a Social Setting… not where I can anticipate any Hurt Feelings. And every time I make a Mistake in Judgment, it goes to my Heart, and I learn from it. The Pay Off is Great. I know so many Old Men like myself, where their Youthful Sense of Humor just seems to have turned into Sarcastic Bitterness (my Brothers think they are Funny but it just comes across as Grumpy and Bitter). But I am generally perceived as ‘cheerful and happy’.

Oh, and about anger management ‘monetary projects’ … Olga, for me, Anger Management is a sort of Necessary Hobby. I am actually doing other things for Monetary Interests… I am Studying Math in order to pursue a 2nd Career, perhaps in Academia… maybe becoming an Assistant Professor in some barely accredited College somewhere. And I also practice my Music a lot. Writing a Book about Anger would be difficult in the sense that I KNOW there are already some very good books out there, and some very competent Authors. Peter Favaro wrote an excellent book, and Ron Efron-Potter specializes in Anger Management Books and I wish I could read every one he writes…. I think he Writes Faster than I can Read.. and I can’t keep up with him! As for an Anger Management ‘Boot Camp’ or a ‘Half-Way House’ kind of Project, well, the problem there would be in finding and then paying the necessary Skilled Professionals. Bad Employees would screw the whole thing up. Look at the Military Boot Camps (oh! Personal Question! PM me and tell me your Home Country… I am curious, and you know me and my Stories… I might have a good one for you regarding your Home Country, and it IS only idle curiosity… I am quite the Cosmopolitan and try not to make trouble for people as regards to where they Come From. But I may know something about your Home Country’s Army…)… all the Best Militaries make it their Highest Priority to Pick and Choose the Very Best in their Ranks to be the “Drill Sergeants”. All the ‘Magic’ comes from These Select People… the Best Idea in the World is worthless without the Vision, Know-How, and Craftiness of the Best Professionals to give the Idea actual Substance. That is why Private Companies do so Poorly – the Profit Motive is nothing compared to the Capacity for a Super Large Organization (such as an entire Army or a Socialist State) to Talent Scout and Select the Best Individuals for the Job. So, in short, I am simply Too Small to do anything. But, I Write, and my Ideas are out there. You are Young. Maybe you can pick up some of these ideas and develop them into Something that might Work in the Real World. And God Bless You if you do.

Your words made me blush from shame, Leo I promise, I'm not entering my husband's office again!

And what you shared about humor in a social setting is an eye-opener indeed. I should be trying much harder to bite my tongue when I don't have anything nice or productive to say. There is too much negativity in this world already without my 5 cents.

Thank you for answering my question regarding anger projects. I wish you best of luck in your academic career! But I won't forgive myself if I don't say that writing a book on anger management doesn't necessarily mean aiming to be as good as Ron Efron-Potter or Peter Favaro. The truth is that people are sometimes just too lazy to reach such "rich" and detailed bodies of work. You can write a book that may not be as brilliant and excellent, but still helpful to so many people. Favaro's style might appeal to certain people, but others might react much better to what you have to say in your own words. Anyway, I know that ultimately it's your personal choice, but only think about what the fiction world would look like right now if no one was brave enough to write another novel/play/poem after Shakespeare and Lord Byron

And to answer your question, I am from Ukraine. We've had some military action going on for the past 2,5 years, which is very sad... I wonder if you know anything about our army.

Olga