Anger

AJ wrote:it's like she is prodding me with a finger in the ribs all the time, only mentally rather than physically. I must stop this behaviour before it escalates into something more serious.

Hi AJ
First thing, good move for writing what you wrote... seems to me that saying it 'outloud' as you have is a good first step. Its out. You're officially in danger of serious physical assault on your wife. Now that's one HUGE step closer to dealing with it than anyone who doesn't acknowledge it at all.

What to do? Stop this behaviour - just like you said. Remove yourself from the situation when you can feel it developing into the argument (you know full well when it is). Do something else. Agree with your wife what else you'll do instead of striking out at her. Perhaps don't get into it too deep with her (see below) but tell her that it's not ok; that you're committed to doing something about it and that you've taken the first steps.

Go spend money on counselling... once a week maybe. A place where you go and look at your anger - but at the same time, where you remember 'Hey, I'm here doing this, so I'm doing something about it... '

Good for you!