Can anybody out there give me some advice?

Hi Sam!

You made a good choice to join us here - this is a place you can discuss what's really going on with you, and can feel sure that there are people who really do understand what you're going through, and who certainly won't think that you are wasting time!

There's lots of resources to help you on the Uncommon Knowledge site, as well. One of the first things you will learn is how your depression keeps going, and that what "fuels" this is the amount of time you spend focusing on the misery of your situation. Of course, it's quite normal for you to do that - it's just that the consequence is that the cycle keeps on going! So one of the first things to do is to find a way of reducing this! You'll get plenty of help and advice here about this!

Great to hear that you have two cats to help you - pets are brilliant!

I'll write some more later!

Kathleen

Hello Kathleen,

Thank you for your words of advice and support.
I am slowly working my way through various sites including the Uncommon Knowledge site, and there really is a lot of information and help out there, it's just working out where to start with it all!

I completely agree with you that pets are wonderful ! I wouldn't be without them! As well as my cats, I have a rabbit and a Guinea-pig. Animals are so faithful, affectionate and comforting that they can't help but make you feel better, i couldn't be without them!

Sam

Hi Sam

It certainly sounds like you are suffering many of the symptoms of clinical depression, but the good news is, there is much that can be done.

The place to start, as Kathleen indicated, is our depression website.

Once you have got a good understanding of what is happening, come on back and let us know how you feel once you know 'how depression works'. We will all do our very best to help you.

All the best

Roger

Hello again, Sam!

I've been away over the weekend, and have come home with an awful chest cold, so I am feeling rather groggy this morning. I remember when I was depressed (yes, it happened to me too!), I used to experience all my colds and coughs as part of the depression. I used to ask myself - why am I ill? What does it mean? And that made everything seem ten times worse. It's wonderful when you stop being depressed, and a cold goes back to just being a cold and not having anything deeply meaningful about it!

And you will stop being depressed too, Sam. I know it doesn't feel like that to you now, but hold on to that promise, because it will happen.

I can understand that you feel somewhat overwhelmed by all the material you have discovered here, but you don't have to assimilate it all at once! Take one step at a time, and get some help.

The first kind of help you could look for is just the support of a friend or relative to encourage you along. Have you got someone you could call on? Someone who would be willing to help you by talking over the ideas you find here and help you make some changes in your life? This can make a big difference. If you have cut yourself off from friends and haven't told them what is happening with you, maybe this is a time when you could make contact and ask for help.

I was helping a client of mine and gave her this advice too, and she said "Oh, I couldn't tell my friends! I couldn't burden them with all this!" So then I asked her whether, if she knew that one of her friends was struggling with depression, would she be willing to help her friend? She said: "Of course! I would do my best to help her, I'd love to help her, because she is my friend!" And I said, "Wouldn't your friends like the chance to help you, if they knew you needed help? But how can they help you if they don't know about what's going on?" This thought gave her courage to approach a dear friend and get support, which helped her to progress much faster.

That's enough advice! Here's a joke:

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all these years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic holiday together, so she wished for them to travel around the world.

The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom ! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him that he could have any wish he wanted. All he needed to do was to ask for his heart's desire.

He paused for a moment and then said, 'Well. honestly, I'd like to have a woman thirty years younger.

The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! he was 90!

(Don't you just love fairy godmothers?)


Kathleen

Hi, Sam!

I really liked the message you sent. I appreciated your warm and honest writing.

You were asking for advise... Well, I think you've already made a very important step forward by your having the very COURAGE to look at yourself and honestly talk to us about what you felt and thought! So, you see? You CAN do something for yourself! And why not say it: when you are caught in the spinning blurry thoughts that keep going on and on in your mind, it IS easier sometimes to make it all a bit clearer by talking to a screen!
Why not carry on with it? Or simillarly, I think that it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to try keeping a diary... put down your feelings and thoughts (even if they are "cloudy"and unclear) when you feel like talking to someone and just can't find the right person to listen to you. If you look back at them after a while, you will see that you may change your mind about some of the bad down-bringing "adjectives" that the depression tempts you to use about yourself.

I haven't been officially diagnosed but I am also fighting the same condition as yours. I have made a lot of progress lately by trying all sort of methods for scratching that ever-spinning disk of negative thoughts about myself. It had gotten so bad that I said I couldn't stand it anymore. I was like a vegetable, unable to think, to make decisions, to remember the simplest thoughts that I was about to say a moment before, etc. If I wanted my life back, I , MYSELF, had to do something about myself. So, step by step I began to collect information about my condition and to neutralize the symptoms once I could recognize them. I made a lot of progress, but there is still a long way to go in front of me. Hope I will be able to do it till the very end! ...

Anyway, anyone has the power to change something about them, so why coudn't you do something about yourself? Try to be honest with you about what you feel at the moment, but always compare that to the YOU you KNOW you used to be! Then, little by little, MAKE THAT CHANGE back to the way you know you were. It is THAT ONE that you really are!!!
And most of all: Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

I hope I could be of some help to you and if there is anything that I could help you with just let me know!

Talking to you is actually a great help for me as well because I know how awfull you feel when sometimes people don't manage to understand what you are going through and but also how relaxing can be to DO find someone to make you feel understooden and comfortable.

In the meantime, take good care of you and of your animals (by the way: I am not that fortunate to have such an extraordinary help as you do). I'm trying to get a pet but I haven't found the right one yet... Still looking though...Wish me luck!

Take good care of you in the meantime and don't let it get to you! I'll talk to you soon!

Gratzi

Sam and others. I am from the school of Hypnosis and many a time depression is a very difficult problem due to its constant evolution,it becomes like a drug after a while and you loose the principal idea tha cause the problem.Please relax before you go to sleep and create an Island whith all your mental ideas and desires ,feeling very fullfill and happy,it is dificult in the begining,but after a while you could do it more often and then create a personality like you wnt to have ,after being able to hold that personality every time you go to the Island,try transfering that ideal personality to your every day forgetting any and every aspect of your depression,no matter what the root of tha depression is,read about reincarnation,no matter the problem,this is only a test to make you a better person and to make your spirit more pure.Also find a Doctor of Homeopathy to give you medicines of the Bach system,they are derivated from flowers. My Love and good wishes to Sam and others. ROMAN7

Sam,

I was touched by the original message you posted in the forum and would also like to let you know so that you are definitely not alone. I have been suffering from depression for 2 years after my younger sister killed herself. I only sought help for it last week and in that time I have been going absolutely mad. Like you I assumed that if I told my doctor he would just tell me I was being silly but I am currently taking Effexor XL although it is possibly too early to see what the effects will be. Although I believe that anti depressants are more likely to help the symptoms of depression rather than the actual illness (however this is my opinion I am also seeing a counsellor. I have taken the biggest step and told my family, which is possibly one of the hardest things that you can do as you feel that you are burdening them with your problems but I have found that they have been truly sympathetic and are really helping me. I also have a rabbit who is so wonderful and I smiled when I read about your pets as they are truly wonderful to have around.

I truly hope that the sun starts shining for you and please remember that you are not alone. Keep smiling !!

Hi sam and everyone,
I am not sure my case is worse or not, but actually I feel depressing everyday. Whatever I do, research, work...... For some time, I don't want to meet anyone, I just want to put everything away. I cannot drink much, but I somke. I don't somke much, but I feel I need it. And sometimes I want eat, even I don't feel hungry.
And there are some people whom you cannot trust around you. There are many work, which even you will not finish even you don't sleep. There are someone don't want more than sleeping with you. Think about no friends care about you?! I feel awful when I write these stuff down!!
Things are going like a infinite loop, and you can never jump out from it.
Well, just write what I feel everyday here under some pressure. I am looking for some help also, coz I don't want to live like this in my whole life.

Hi Hobgoblin and welcome to the forums!

You said

Things are going like a infinite loop

This is a real insight into the depressive process, and it why we call it the Cycle of Depression.

To understand this loop and how you can break out of it, you should spend some time over the next week absorbing (and I don't mean just skimming) the Depression Learning Path

I promise you, once you have read and understood this, things will be a lot clearer to you. Then you can come back here and tell us how your understanding has changed.

Best of luck

Roger

Hi Sam

I have and still do from time to time experience depressions.
I think the main reason it isn't worse and it is getting better is because I know more and more what I like and what I want to reach in my life.
Try to think about all the different hobbies, professions, careers, sports… just all the things that are out there that people enjoy doing and try to find something YOU ENJOY!
I know it is not always easy. But it is worthwhile thinking about. I think it helps a lot having something you enjoy doing and thinking about so you can take your mind off all those things you don’t like.

Good Luck!