I feel so disconnected

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 8:33 pm

Hi, I'm Tyffani.
I'm not sure where to start, but I have been having an issue with connecting to people in my daily life. I feel like I don't have trouble with talking to them, but when it comes to actually connecting with them, I just don't feel it. I don't know any other way to describe it.
I used to be the kind of person that could connect with people almost instantly and we could talk for hours about literally anything, but it felt like we were being really deep about stuff. Now, I just feel so burnt out on it all. It feels like everyone is standing thousands of feet away from me and I can't reach them, even though they are right in front of me...
I don't understand these feelings at all, or how I am supposed to deal with it. Not even sure what I'm asking for... But if anyone has advice of have felt the same, I'd love to hear it..

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 9:19 pm

What are you trying to accomplish?

Connections are based on the goals you are trying to achieve.

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 11:00 pm

I don't want to feel alone.. I want to feel something again I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. I want to feel happy with where I am and not empty... Does that make sense?

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 11:17 pm

Tyffani wrote:I don't want to feel alone.. I want to feel something again I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. I want to feel happy with where I am and not empty... Does that make sense?

Sure it makes sense, but it doesn’t answer the question about your current goals.

Having a goal, “not feel alone,” is achieved indirectly by pursuing goals related to career, education, spirituality, community, hobbies, etc. etc.

What are your current active goals? The connection to others will be indirectly related to the shared interests people have in your pursuits.

The goal “not be alone” in isolation has no relevance or actions for others, i.e. no shared purpose.

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 11:28 pm

I don't know.. I'm not really in a position to go to school.. and I'm not really sure what I could do...

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Apr 26, 2018 11:52 pm

That is why you feel alone.

You can choose to participate in life or you can choose to let it pass you by. Other people can suggest paths for you to take, but only you can choose to take a path. You can reject every opportunity or path that comes your way and this will result in you remaining alone. Or you can choose a path, start walking, and meet some fellow travelers along the way. When you share a path with others you are not alone, there is plenty to discuss and enjoy together.

Currently you are just sitting there, hoping someone will come along and talk to you for no reason.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:36 am

Tyffani, how do you get on with your parents, any siblings you might have, and extended family? Do you feel connected to them?

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 10:13 am

I have 3 sisters. And I used to be close to my mom. We still hang out and do stuff but it's felt the same... It sounds so dumb..

I feel like I don't know them anymore... Which is stupid because how do I not know my own family??

I'm sorry, this makes no sense...

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:40 am

In your first post you wrote:I used to be the kind of person that could connect with people almost instantly and we could talk for hours about literally anything..

so what happened to change that?

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 2:13 pm

I'm not sure.. I mean I moved out and I'm working, so the amount of time available has gone done, but I figure that's typical of growing up. But I feel like when I do hang out with my mom and sisters, it's like they are just different people to me... I can't help but watch the clock closely because I start to get a bit of anxiety over nothing... I don't know why I'm like this now...

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:11 pm

Do you work with other people? Does that cause anxiety and clock-watching, too?

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:18 pm

I work at a law firm now. I'm the receptionist, so I'm pretty much alone 85% of the day, with the occasional delivery man, client, or phone call. I like it a lot because my job before that was hostess, where every other day was dealing with some ridiculous guest or difficult coworker at the restaurant. I used to get really bad anxiety there and dread going in, but it's not really like that here. I've only been here for 2 months though.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:13 am

It's interesting that the change of job, and removal of some stress, has got you thinking about your relational behaviours and looking for help. It doesn't sound like a job in which you could build co-worker relationships, and I'm guessing that's comfortable for you.

Seems to me connecting with other people is largely a matter of showing an interest in them, asking questions and 'active listening' to their answers, plus the non-verbals that indicate positive regard. When that doesn't come naturally or feels like too much trouble, we usually find people have distressing interpersonal memories telling them it isn't safe to put themselves out there.

**Posts:** 18 · by **Tyffani** » Sat Apr 28, 2018 11:22 am

So I just need to keep faking it? For now at least? Until I feel something..

I'm sorry, I'm trying to understand..

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:36 pm

I believe it's better to be among people and engaged with them than to shut ourselves out.

I feel so disconnected

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