Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:You are saying "The Patriarchy" = women are obliged that heavy footsteps may signal a threat and if something happens people will claim the woman is at fault. And in your mind, this is not fair.
Please correct where I have misunderstood.
The quoted text raises three points. Every human female knows that heavy footsteps behind us when we are alone may be a threat. We are inculcated with that knowledge right from the start: by our parents, by adult conversation, by the media. It’s not much different from being a gazelle and warned early that there are lions in the area. This will be a daily, constant oppression, and it will go on all her life.
Indeed, if a woman is sexually assaulted she will treated as the one at fault. She has some reason for walking alone at night. It’s a compelling one: she needs to get somewhere, and if she doesn’t drive, she hopes she’ll get to the bus stop unscathed. Of course, she is also be at risk if there is no one at the bus stop, or if there are males waiting. Or she has miscalculated: she went somewhere while it was still light, and the lift she expected to be present didn’t show up. She is unsafe walking. She is unsafe getting a cab, because after dark almost all drivers will be male. There has been at least one female cab driver murdered by a fare.
In my mind this is not fair? To me, the
blame is unfair. Of course it is. Victim-blaming is bullying.
There is no lifestyle that will guarantee a female human’s safety. If we were to attempt to keep ourselves safe, reproduction would come to a halt. We could never be alone with a man. But even that would not ensure safety. Rapists break into women’s homes. One of them boasted publicly about removing roof tiles to gain access.
At work these days I’m saddened to see so many cases of mostly teenaged girls who ‘meet’ a male online and agree to go to his home. Or they meet him in a public place, and he’s charming and polite, and then they go off somewhere.
There are cases of women drinking at a bar, then waking hours later in an unknown place (usually the perpetrator’s home) with their clothes in disarray and vaginal soreness. They have to consider themselves lucky if the man or men has gone out.
The majority of sexual assault victims, apart from being female, are aged between 13 and 35. In addition to a fear of males (whether innate or learned), they know by the often-cruel media that they must be slim, beautiful and flirty, displaying their wares to all comers. There’s the meat market, folks; the meat is waiting and hoping to be consumed. They are driven by their biological needs every bit as much as men are, but what they are waiting and hoping for is that old-fashioned thing called courtship: first the appreciation of their efforts to be appealing to males, then the display of protective behaviours, and at all times, evidence of the means to support the as-yet unthought-of offspring.
Last time I walked along my town’s nightclub strip after dining at a restaurant there, I was truly frightened for the girls and young women I saw – but someone shaped and dressed like Amy Farrah Fowler is no safer than someone shaped and dressed like Penny.
Rape is not flattery, it is punishment. It can be punishment for being ‘ugly’ or it can be punishment for being the kind of female that the brooding male believes would never agree to go out with him. When researching on line – and without visiting the dark web – I see horrific misogynist writings by men, advising each other what they should do to the [insert disgusting name-calling].
Virtually all women have been colonised early. Throughout the rest of the animal kingdom it is the male who struts and displays to the female. An obvious example is the peacock spreading his beautiful tail, turning in hopeful circles while the drab females peck at food all around him.
Homo sapiens has evolved in a way that means both females and males must show ‘em what we’ve got: younger females show their bodies while males of all ages show their physical and financial prowess. For females it’s more urgent. We have roughly half the time males have in which we are fertile.
Do you think that whenever I'm walking and hear heavy footsteps behind me that I am not obliged to consider that it might be a threat?
I hope and expect you will acknowledge the fact that you are not anywhere near as likely to be physically assaulted as a woman is. Any male who attacked you would most likely be after your wallet rather than your anus, so all you have to do is hand over the money. In the unlikely event of you being beaten to a pulp, no one will say you were asking for it because of what you were wearing, or because you were in that place at that time.
Children, the elderly, men, women, we all...each and every single one of us, evaluate whether or not it is safe to walk down a dark ally alone at night.
I agree with you, and I understand that a lone male walking around in a third-world country would be as vulnerable to physical assault as a lone female, but that the lone female is very much more likely to be a target, a) because she’s highly unlikely to be able to fight back, and b) because this would be a double coup: she too is carrying money, and once he’s pocketed that he can get his rocks off as well.
I actually quoted this par to point out that the dark alley is a myth. In all my years of working with survivors of sexual assault, I haven’t seen a single dark-alley case. On our tick-box form the ticked box is almost always either client’s home or perpetrator’s home. Rather more shocking is entertainment venue, in which a person – chiefly female but occasionally male – has been followed to the toilets, shoved in, and sexually assaulted. By a male, of course.
There’s an unlit alley adjacent to the block of flats I live in, and I’m a frequent user. Fortunately it’s a short alley. If it were, say, three times as long and had a twist or two in it, on winter evenings returning from my writers’ circle meetings I would have to consider whether it's safer to take the alley or the route that would mean I spend much longer on the street. It’s Hobson’s choice, really.
I think the majority of people simply recognize that risks are not equal for everyone.
Yes, obviously. I may have worded it badly, but I wanted to make two points. The first is about
blame. I don’t believe anyone is going to blame older people or any-age males for the fact that someone has attacked them. We consider ourselves a reasonable and educated species, and we know that the aggressor is always the one at fault. This falls down when
a woman in her fertile years is sexually assaulted. That’s what it’s all about. Patriarchy somehow has a contempt for fertile-aged women. A child as young as two is neither immune to sexual assault nor blamed for it; the same applies for the elderly.
Within the past year, by the way, I have seen referrals for these people, the baby and the old person, both of them female, both sexually assaulted by men. Yet when it happens to women of fertile age, both men and women will immediately look for absolutely any reason to blame her for being attacked. You must surely be aware that in the minority of cases dealt with in court, the reasons for blame and disbelief go to ludicrous lengths.
The second point is about perpetrators. They are invariably male.
This is not to be confused with the notion that all men must be blamed because some men rape.Is that the fault of "The Patriarchy"?
Not the examples you gave in this paragraph, but in cases of male-on-female sexual violence, yes indeed. In a conversation with the counsellor who sees exclusively those going to court***, she confirmed my understanding that it didn’t make any difference whether the jury was mostly men or mostly women. It is patriarchy that makes the average male and the average colonised female choose to humiliate the fertile-aged woman weeping in the witness box.
A feminist friend once said to me: “What’s needed is for men to collude in their own oppression the way women do.” Patriarchal values set us up in competition with each other for the male 'prize'.
You may be surprised to learn that 90 per cent of people are biased against women. My mother-in-law once told me "I don't like woman" in an ordinary conversation in which she neither blinked nor batted an eyelid. I was speechless despite the fact that I've heard it from other women as well.
https://www.france24.com/en/20200306-ne ... tudy-findsWhen men talk about men they include themselves. Clearly when any woman says "I don't like women" she means
apart from me. I'm not like that. Perhaps you remember the outpourings of QueenBeauty?
Everyone I work with knows what the elephant in the room is, and it isn't that so many
people are sexually assaulted by other
people. The real elephant is that it's biological, probably evolutionary, and therefore unlikely to stop. Ever. The rapist is going to disseminate (I use the word purposely) his genes far more widely than the faithful husband.
The assumption at this point is that it was the apex predator, the young adult male, full of testosterone between the ages of 18-25.
Bang on, Richard! You’ve nailed the most common perpetrator age bracket on referral forms. We have the data, so there’s no need for assumption.
The dogs, the highway, the unequal risks we face in life are not the same as the "young male predator" risk. Why? Because out of all the risks out there in life it is the young male predator that has volition. And the young male predator chooses to make those more vulnerable his preferred victim and this is unfair.
Again, this is natural (which of course doesn’t make it right). What one surely must object to is the victim-blaming levied at fertile-aged women.
Heavy footsteps must mean the same thing for everyone.
Hardly! Heavy footsteps may signal physical assault for a male, but it definitely threatens both physical and sexual assault for a female. Of all the young buck’s potential victims,
only those females of fertile age must decide whether to suffer in silence or to talk about it. The results of either are equally horrible.
As a tall woman who habitually wears flat shoes rather than high heels, I see women shrink away as I pass them on the street after dark. I know some men experience the same thing. It’s wry comedy that we (kindly men and I) hurry to pass the lone woman because we know she’ll stop worrying then. Comedy comes in because on hearing this, she will immediately start walking faster, too.
Let's pretend "The Matriarchy" exists. It's a world where the system favors the woman. In such a world does the woman no longer need to take care when alone with a man or when the sole female in a group of men?
It’s hard to take this post seriously, but the answer to this question is no. It’s no for the same reason that there can never be a matriarchy. We are womb-men; we can start a statistically unlikely maximum of six offspring in one go, and will then have to wait at least nine months before we can make any more. The demands on our bodies, even if we exclude
giving birth, are enormous. The need for pre-contraceptives woman to deny entry to any and all comers is obvious, an instinct over-ridden by certain groups of women now that reliable contraception is freely available.
Denying entry to one’s body surely ought to be a fundamental (not feminist) human right, protected by law in the interests of society. Protected by law means suitably punished. There’s nothing anyone can do to prevent rape, but a great deal could be done to prevent the automatic victim-blaming faced by fertile-aged females.
Does this system mean she no longer has responsibility for placing herself in such a situation?
Of course not. All rational adults are responsible for placing ourselves in any situation. I reiterate:
no precaution exists to ensure a person will never be sexually assaulted. There is literally no safe time or place, there is only relative safety.
What I will concede is that in a Matriarchy violence against women would be reduced. Penalties for violence against women would be increased.
I like this very much, and would add that we need a much higher rate of conviction. To this end we also need to stop a defence barrister’s
irrelevant questions (re. how she was dressed, whether she’d been drinking, her sexual history)
accusations and insinuations that she is lying
insulting suggestions intended to set the jury against her
ridicule when she's crying or (understandably!) lost for words
But no one is asking for a matriarchy, Richard. Feminism asks merely for equality of respect and wage-earning capacity. Feminists are merely people (yes, there are male feminists) who are both aware of grotesque inequality and sick of kowtowing to male supremacy.
The point of events such as International Women’s Day and Reclaim the Night is education and awareness, of the kind that went on before attitudes changed towards those seen as Others such as blacks and disabled people. Change the law and attitudinal change follows, most of it positive rather than backlash.
Your examples of old-men accident victims and canine perpetrators are irrelevant in this discussion. In this struggle to be included in the human race, we know
those who are not for us are against us.
*** They are special counsellors because they may talk about anything
other than the assault, ie. they must stick to repercussions, feelings, coping skills etc. Counsellor notes are subpoenaed pre-trial to avoid accusations of coaching.
Perpetrators, on the other hand, are coached in every conceivable way.