Hi,
My boyfriend is currently suffering a bad depression time again; he has had depression since he was 12; now he is nearly 29. We have been together for a year and 3 months. for the past few months he has had depression moments like he explodes and he said things to me that hurt, like he didn't love me and he was so angry when this happened that he didn't want me near him. I am the closest person he's got here and in a sense he sort of took it out on me. It was like a different person. Also he also told me that if he didn't get better he would split up with me. At the end of April we went out one day with friends and suddendly on the everning he became angry and was not too nice to me, he wanted me to leave him alone and said so many horrible things. I wanted to help him and be there for him. He wanted to split up that night and the following day he said sorry but he had to get better other wise he couldn't do it. We called his parents and decided to take him home where he could be with them to gain support and seak some help. I supported him all the way. So he asked me to go to NZ with him and I said yes. I was there for him and had no intention to stop supporting him. So got the time off work and went with him. We had a nice time and ensured he got the assistance he needed. He got on medication, I think it's called Celopram. He is taking it for 6 months, up until December. 3 weeks after we got back. Things were so great and nice. We were very close to each other & I was starting to see an improvement on his situation. Suddenly one day he woke up low and different again as in keeping himself to himself. He always try to keep his emotions inside and not to talk about it. That night he told me that he wanted his space, some time alone and that I have smothered him. He said that he felt smothered. I have been there for him through this hard situation. My father passed away last year and my boyfriend felt pain too, he gets too concerned but I tried to reassure him and tell him that it is ok. He can't change the world. He cares and worries about everything. Anyway he wanted to split up, in fact he did. The following day I was in so much agony and my heart felt dead. We decided not to split up and to remain as a couple but that he wanted us to leave separatly at least until December 2004 when he wants to reassess things with his depression and us so I am worried bout this talk time. He thinks that the best way to deal with his depression or understanding it and what he needs is to do it alone. By seeking time alone and piece. Now we are living in separate flats not too far from each other. He asked me to give him this other wise there is not other option left except splitting up. He needs this time alone to figure out what he needs and how to deal with depression. He also decided that we will only see each other once or maybe twice a week when it feels ok and when it feels right. We also have 2 trips booked in August and another around xmas in cuba for 3 weeks; I know that this is hard but I think he still loves me, he told me but after saying those horrible things to me I don't know anymore. It is so hard that he has asked to accept this and get on with it. I find it even harder not to see him regularly when we used to live together. It is making me so sad and my heard hurts. I don't and he doesn't know how long this will take. We having our chat at the end of the year but I am only prepared to wait till then. This is painful and I respect what he needs but it feels like he hasn't really thought about me on this one. All I have left to do is to accept it and hope that he will get better. I am here for him and I truly love him. I thought about backing off for a while to give him the space that he needs but I would love to see if after some space time he might start come to me and realising that he misses and wants me.
Please help me seaking advice. Everyday I woke up and this is all I think about all day and all the time. I can't help him and that hurts more. Also he is pushing me so far away. I wish he will soon start coming to me and want me back in his life.
This is a lot to ask someone but I don't want to give up but at the same time he is creating a wall between us. He told me that once he is ok then we will be ok. I hope so. I wish for us to be fine again and supporting each other together, united not like now
Hope you can help
Thanks
Fran