by TalkToMe » Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:29 pm
Hey there.
Well, hmmmmm....I guess first clarify if your BF is making criticisms to help you or to rub it in. While some people will make criticisms as a personal attack on another person, a true test of a companion will be that they will risk making you upset if they know that it is something that can benefit your life. Is he trying to help you or harm you? If his intent is to be a toxic person...well, the answer is self-explanatory. If he's there by your side to help you, then congratulations.....you have a good catch there....one worth holding on to. It's sometimes the case that a person wants to help you, but just isn't experienced at knowing exactly how they can help you. find the true intentions and motives behind the words and that will help clarify the communication between you.
Assuming that he is there to help you, then accept his advice and criticism rather than rejecting it. Treat it as one possible option in a sea of options that you should consider. Afterall, no one is right 100% of the time, so when someone criticizes my performance, instead of getting angry and defensive, I simply ask them to elaborate on a better solution and ask for their advice--afterall, if they are able to criticize, then they must have a better way of handling the situation, right? The people who have no viable alternative or solution to your situation, but still make criticisms are the ones who are full of crap because they shoot you down, but they don't know why they are shooting you down in the first place, so to these people, I let them know that they are idiots by questioning their criticisms...."Well, if you don't know a better way of doing it, then what's the point in telling me my way is the wrong way?" or "Why would you criticize my way if you don't have a better way of doing it?"
As far as self-defeating behavior.....well, no amount of advice can compensate for some therapy sessios, but one thing that someone told me once was, "Think like a successful person and you'll become successful. Think like a loser and you'll be a loser." It was this type of thinking that was important when I was at a low-point in my own life. Everyone told me how my life was ruined by someone close to me and that I lost everthing. I didn't see it that way though. I saw it as an opportunity and a challenge to prove myself to the world and instead of feeling down on myself, I did the opposite and treated myself like a successful leader and sure enough it took little time to get back onto my feet from there. Think highly of yourself like I do for you and you will find that it has the effect of pushing out the bad and replacing it with the good.
