Is humor the best way to go?

it's_a_me wrote:Is humor the best way to change perspective/reframe mind on things after having gone through trauma? I try to make myself laugh at what I went through, but I feel like this is indignifying myself.

For best effect, the humor has to strike you as funny. If it doesn't, it's probably best to move on to the next thing on the list.

it's _a_ me: Your on to something very significant. Humor is a way to 'change perspective/reframe'. The punch line of a joke does just that; but notice that occurs involuntarily. How to learn to 'shift to higher perspective'?
See my to-days entry to my thread, "Are 'thoughts' subject to the laws of the material world".

I think there are at least 2 sides to this. One side to see the lighter side, find humour in what you have gone through. I think the humour needs to be mild however, so that you can relate to it. But does this cause you to suppress the negative emotions, only to be re-traumatised at some later stage?

The other side is to emotionally connect with what you have gone through, deal with each stage and come out the other side. Can you then see the funny side and genuinely laugh about it once you have created some distance on it?

Each person is different and at different stages of the trauma. The nature of the trauma can also affect you. You can only learn from experience. If you feel like humour is indignifying you then you are not ready for it or it's not your style of coping.

In my own view, identify your emotions first and deal with them in a way that moves you through the events.

All in the mind wrote:I think there are at least 2 sides to this. One side to see the lighter side, find humour in what you have gone through. I think the humour needs to be mild however, so that you can relate to it. But does this cause you to suppress the negative emotions, only to be re-traumatised at some later stage?

The other side is to emotionally connect with what you have gone through, deal with each stage and come out the other side. Can you then see the funny side and genuinely laugh about it once you have created some distance on it?

Each person is different and at different stages of the trauma. The nature of the trauma can also affect you. You can only learn from experience. If you feel like humour is indignifying you then you are not ready for it or it's not your style of coping.

In my own view, identify your emotions first and deal with them in a way that moves you through the events.

According to you, what are the stages of trauma?

I would google this, there are numerous well-written articles on this subject.

I consider the stages to be

1. high alert/adrenaline stage or the fight or flight mode.
2. Various coping stages that can include denial or trying to deal with the different emotions. This stage could be days or years.
3. Recovery/acceptance.

These stages would vary in length and intensity depending on the type of situation, the values you have, your personality etc.

Humour at 2 could be more of a denial/suppression of feeling more pain, but not always.
Humour at 3 could be more helpful to your recovery, since you are over the worst, but not always.

Emotionally, where are you?

I think I'm in stage 2. I have yet to come to terms with the fact that I have permanent physical damage. I was admitted to a mental health crises facility in which the staff tortured me. I don't know why, but they did. They gave me really strong pills that were not prescribed to me and because of this, I had a stroke that caused permanent brain damage. I have trouble moving my right eye and have lost some dexterity in my hands. I think I might have some problems with memory as well. The worst part is that the people in that place disclosed private information about me so that I cannot get any help in town or possibly in state. I am very angry that they broke the law and did all of this to me and I can't do anything about it. To make matters worse, my parents emotionally abuse me continually and tell me that they don't care about what happened to me. I also fear that they might inflict physical damage to me if the conditions are right and they can get away with it.


If you want to get a better idea as to what I'm going through, you can read my thread entitled "What would cause this to happen?" and my other thread entitled "What should I do?". Both of these threads are found in the relationship section of this forum. If you take the time to read them, I would be really thankful.

See private message.

Not necessarily. You can try to laugh about it, but if there is still intense emotions around the trauma it isn't really going to help.

A very traumatic situation I had, after it I was telling the story over and over to people and laughing at certain parts of it that usually would have been funny. It didn't help, in fact I realized I was addicted to telling this story for a while to get people to go "oh my god". But it did nothing to clear this trauma until I specifically worked on the emotions around it.

I feel acceptance is much better, than trying to "mask" it.

Let's say you think you are ugly. You could:

-laugh about it

-say you are not ugly

Or:

-accept that you are butt ugly, but very important: feel fine with it, but that's part of acceptance.

I thought I was ugly, even when I got compliments that I'm "hotstuff". But than I accepted that I was butt ugly, and the compliments felt much better. And I did not let ugly or good looking decide how good I felt.
If someone would say "you are ugly" instead, I would have thought "yes, I know I'm butt ugly. What's new?".

My philosophy, not backed up by science. Belief however is a strong emotion.

I must agree with All In The Mind. It certainly depends on what stage you are at and it doesn't seem that you are any way close to using humour to deal with your situation. There must be someone close or local organisations that can help you get a resolution? You would be surprised how much help is there when you look for it.

gwen wrote:I must agree with All In The Mind. It certainly depends on what stage you are at and it doesn't seem that you are any way close to using humour to deal with your situation. There must be someone close or local organisations that can help you get a resolution? You would be surprised how much help is there when you look for it.

I can't get help in my town. I need to go out of town or out of state.

Laughter is really good medicine, being open to happiness is very healthy, mentally and physically.

Laughter is not the same as "happiness" particularly when it's false.

When you feel great, laughter comes easily and it can work the other way, when you don't feel so great even pretending to be happy by trying laughter can reconnect you with your inner happiness (which is always there). It can be useful to let go of all that is not fun too. Let go of fear, anger, jealousy, blame, guilt, tension, sorrow, resentment and irritation. This is as straight forward as repeating it and allowing it to leave, believing that you deserve happiness, we all do!