Not Eating

I've suffered with severe depression for awhile now. Self-harm, an eating disorder, drugs etc.
But after awhile things get so heavy and sad that it's not really even sad anymore.
I'm depressed and that's that, there's no need to acknowledge it any further.

But lately I've been under a lot of stress (summer school) and often when i'm under a lot of stress my digestive system shuts down and I have no appetite.
After that horrible experience with that psychiatrist and him telling me I was starving myself even though I wasn't because at the time I was eating bunches of food and trying my very best to gain back muscle and I had been eating for months and was proud of that life change. But everytime I think of him and everyone and everything it all just piles up and I don't know why I can't ever take much but I can't.
And now I can't eat and just thinking about it makes me so angry.

I don't want to starve myself anymore. I don't want to relapse but I just can't...
Everyone acts like I'm doing this on purpose to myself but I'm not.
And God when I think of that damn psychiatrist I want to cut my wrist likes it's no tomorrow and I get nauseous and don't want to eat.

I did a lot to get this far and now it's all just being ruined because of a little stress.
I try telling myself to snap out of it, that I need to eat an apple or something but I end up procrastinating and it never happens.

Sometimes I'll eat two bowls of peanuts to make up for all the calories I missed in a day but then the next day I eat nothing and sometimes I'll eat one apple but that's it.