Back again...

Was pleased today as was with one of my oldest friends who had this weed vape pen which he was very fond off. He kept telling me to have some and when I refused he was scornful with me. Eventually he said to me ‘what’s wrong with you why won’t u have some’ so I told him ‘mate I can’t have one drag of that cos if I do I won’t be able to stop and I don’t want that’ his response was so nice in that he just said ‘full respect why didn’t you say that when I first offered it to you’ he never realised what I am going through but once he did he never mentioned it again. Be honest is the lesson I’ve learnt here - if they are a true friend they will understand and if they don’t stay away from them cos u don’t need them.

Good for you! Yeah your true friends will understand.

Are you experiencing PAWS? I told my friend who smokes a lot about it, and what I was going through and like most he didnt believe weed could do that to you but in the end he believed me and doesnt ask me to smoke out anymore.

For me it wasnt the wasting time that made me quit - I actually was very productive when high and made it far in my job, but its the physical side effects I had; and most notably the fact that if I didnt have access to weed (while traveling, etc) I just couldnt function (bc of withdrawal and lack of sleep). Now Im going through PAWS which is hell but cant wait to be clean of it all, and able to travel and sleep with no issues except a time difference.

SparkleFly12 wrote:Good for you! Yeah your true friends will understand.

Are you experiencing PAWS? I told my friend who smokes a lot about it, and what I was going through and like most he didnt believe weed could do that to you but in the end he believed me and doesnt ask me to smoke out anymore.

For me it wasnt the wasting time that made me quit - I actually was very productive when high and made it far in my job, but its the physical side effects I had; and most notably the fact that if I didnt have access to weed (while traveling, etc) I just couldnt function (bc of withdrawal and lack of sleep). Now Im going through PAWS which is hell but cant wait to be clean of it all, and able to travel and sleep with no issues except a time difference.

Hi mate thanks for dropping in on my post. Luckily I haven’t had Paws. Only symptom I have is night sweats and dreams where I am still using. Am blessed I don’t have them to be honest as they sound horrific! Hope you are well!

Ah man smoked on Sunday night, completely know where I went wrong and got no one to blame but myself. I justified it to myself in so many ways but ultimately the reason I’m back to square one is on my shoulders. It was only hash and
I don’t have a lot but enough to make me ‘whitey’ and be a bit light on me feet. Sort of pissed off but at same time not majorly bothered it’s made me realise what I need to avoid and that I don’t really like the buzz

So lot to fill in from last time I was on here. Basically tried woth moderation again and it worked ok but was always a struggle and started to smoke cigarettes a lot more frequently. Had some heavy personal stuff go on and guess what I done to get through it all??! Yes you guessed it I buried my head in the sand and smoked my through it. Been using constantly since September 2019 and ironically have got multiple dealers offering a huge variety of weed. Work has always been a natural break for me as wouldn’t smoke before and would wait till finished to start again so in theory would have a fairly large ‘break’ each day and then squeeze as much as possible in the evening.

Since this lockdown tho I’ve never smoked as much as I have this past 11 weeks. Was using three different dealers as was embarrassed they might think I smoke too much (as if they would really give a sh** anyway!) and as no office to go into have been smoking tfrom dust till dawn. Anyway enough is enough and last Friday I smoked my last spliff and threw away all the paraphernalia I have. Am starting to check in here again as well. For all the people on here who supported me previously I want to apologise for letting you all down and for not being on here to support others.

I followed one of your quits back in 2018 and let me remind you of some of the posts you made:

So here we are again, have once again fallen into the trap and become totally absorbed by weed.... I am not surprised that I am back on here and am annoyed with myself for not being stronger but it is what it is. I think I once got to about thirteen months or so but have have now been constantly smoking I think for 8 months (before that I had been socially smoking but not buying any) than I started to buy it again and before you know it I was smoking every day.

It’s not cool really being a secret smoker, creeping around etc and being stoned in front of my kids is really not cool.

____

So been feeling really good lately! Weather is beautiful, eating well (putting on some much needed weight as well) and exercising regularly which makes me feel positive!

Feel like I’m the exact opposite of my stoned self, enthuastic to get stuff done both professionally and at home, I definitely need to keep myself active and busy. Weed makes me feel like all the things I am currently grateful for disappear. So weird!

Sleep feels like it’s proper rest and dreams no where near as vivid as first couple of months. Overall I’m happy and will do everything in my power to continue in that way!

________

Look at the difference between the two posts. The first one is apologetic, regretful and someone who is under pressure to stop doing something he knows is wrong.

The second post is positive, assertive and enthusiastic.

You gotta choose which one you gotta be. I know happiness is only a fleeting emotion and not a permanent state of mind - but from the person in the second post - that is someone that can take control of their life and take on the responsibility around them.

As it seems from you've written here you have some external hardships going on in your personal life that really need to be dealt with, and doing that stoned and disengaged is gonna keep you in a perpetual state of suffering.

I sucked at worklife, homelife, relationships, friendships my body image - but once I shook off the shackles mary jane had place on my mind and body - each and every one of those things began to turn around.

You have the power Steven, once and for all shake this thing off of you. It's not worth it. A couple hours of being stoned...for what? To repeat the same mistakes, to have the same arguments and feel the same sense of worry?

Set yourself a goal, get yourself to a year and see how you feel. Once you've reached that barrier its really hard to turn back. Life is stressful and full of suffering but its better to deal with it head on then for it to creep on you behind your back while you're not looking.

Edit: do not fall into the moderation trap. Its the biggest lie. For people like us its not workable. I tried moderation twice and consistently went back to daily use. Others have also reported here there attempts and failures with moderation.

I'm really wishing you power and strength to break free from it this time because I can see you've had multiple quit attempts - and I really want this one to work for you.

All the best, i'll be tracking your progress as you go.

Take care

Tokes - thanks so much for your kind words. It’s come at a really nice time and to see the difference between 2018 & now is quite insightful.

You are so right about what I need to do and I’ve been thinking a lot lately how my actions have held me back both professionally and personally. I am still going well seem to be suffering from night sweats more that previous quits and been lethargic in the day but that could be the lockdown fog we are all suffering from.

Moderation for us will not work - it’s the definition of madness to keep trying the same thing and expecting a different result! I’m gonna remember that going forward now.

It’s so nice to know there is people like you tokes who have took the effort to help me out and o really appreciate that. Once again thanks so much.

you are so lucky that you don't have to experience paws steven... i don't even know if i'd need this forum if i didn't have paws. LOL thanks for your posts