The Stupid & Funny Quotes Thread......

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:11 pm

I went to the butchers the other day and said: "two large pork chops please... and can you make em lean?"

The butcher said: "certainly sir... which way should I make them lean... to the left or the right?"

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:16 pm

"Either this man is dead... or my watch has stopped!"

Groucho Marx

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:22 pm

"Those are my principles... and if you don't like them... well, I have others!"

Groucho Marx

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:28 pm

"She got her looks from her father... He's a plastic surgeon!"

Groucho Marx

**Posts:** 167 · by **Lilith78** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:23 am

Is this a thread for quotes or one liners?

Groucho and Mae are funny..

Hey..........When did Mae West die? (she is dead? i'll have a look on findadeath.com) She's fiesty

I like her style :wink:

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am

A man went to a Zoo. There was only one amimal there; a dog. It was a Shitzhu.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:36 am

A skeleton walks in a bar and says to the barman... "I'll have a pint of beer and a mop please."

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:32 am

A man and his wife were sitting together in the living room. He turned to her and said: "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife then got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out all of his beer.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:38 am

The Shortest Fairy Tale. Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" .The guy said, "NO!" .
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted. THE END

**Posts:** 14949 · by **Nonexsistent** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:39 am

I have PMS and a handgun, any questions?

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:48 am

Shortest Essay

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery

The prize-winning essay read:
"My God!" said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:00 am

"Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself"

Mae West

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:03 am

"I used to be snow white... but I drifted"

Mae West

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:34 am

"Why was I with her? ... She reminds me of you! ... In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"

Groucho Marx

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:43 am

"Any man who says he can see through women is missing a lot!"

Groucho Marx

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