Hello! I am 24 years old and I need advice on how to handle this situation. To give some background, my father has always been a cheater. He left my mother for another woman when I was 4, this new woman's name was lynn..she was so kind to me and loved me truly as her own. Lynn set a standard for what a good step mom should be, I felt respected and loved just like I was her own child. Me and lynn still communicate to this day and I want her to stay active in my life.
My father left lynn when I was 14 for a woman named kim. Kim was not warm or loving...everything but. I'm sure I was kind of annoying or bratty as well just like any 14 year old kid was. I just couldn't understand why she didn't feel the need to form a relationship with me. She would be kind when my father was around and talk and engage with me but the moment my father left she would ignore me even if I spoke to her! She would give me dirty looks for getting in the fridge, just anything to make me feel uncomfortable. She acted the same way towards my friends, I couldn't get them to come over and I didn't want to be there so I would just stay at my moms.
I tried to tell my father how she treated me for years! He acted like I was being dramatic and Kim was "weird"sometimes he would say. Even though I was the only one she was this way.
He didn't want to deal with the "drama".
I moved away wheb I was 19 and moved back home at 21 after a failed relationship. My dad said I could stay with him, he came to NY from Ohio and picked me up and took me back home. I was reluctant to stay with him but my mother didn't have an extra room. Kim continued to act the same way, all smiles when my father was around and the momen he left going back to her psychotic negative energy I hate you vibes she would send to me. I couldn't take it anymore.
I moved in with my mother and the only place for me to stay was the garage, I had no heating or air conditioning... it was not pleasant. I went into a deep depresion and just slept my life away for a couple years. I was so upset with my living conditions aND failed relationships and knowing my father was a couple miles down the road with a fully furnished room for me to live in just made me build up an immense amount of resentment towards her and him.
My father would call and make me feel guilty for not coming to visit, I would tell him why but he never took it seriously and just blamed me for never coming over. Kim is so good at putting on her poker face for my father and twisting the situation around to him to make me look like I was just dramatic.
I started to come out of my depression and cried to my mother about the loss of my relationship with my father, I had honestly accepted that it was over between us. It broke my heart.
I craved a new life and a new start, I packed up my car and took off to Colorado. Long story short I fell in love and I am so happy with my life here. I am 3 months pregbant and so thrilled to be having a child. My father was excited with the news but when he started talking about watching the baby and calling kim grandma my stomach felt sick.
This woman who has been so manipulative, and turned into someone else the momentire my father turns his back, surely she would do the same to my child...
I told my father how I feel and and very honestly about her behavior and how I don't trust her and I don't want my child around her. He stopped sending me money to help out and now when he calls he will bring up the situation and it just upsets both of us. He says he is the only one who has to deal with this and is hurt by it.
He asked me if I wanted kim to call and apologize for soemthing, I said if kim wants to call me that's her choice. Don't tell her to call me. He then said well what do you want her to apologize for?? I just laugh wheb frustration I feel like I'm going crazy. This woman has treated my like sh** for 10 years and once again my dad refuses to acknowledge it or put any responsibility on her.
A big reason I left and started a new life is because I had to get away from the negativity and I'll be dammed if it follows me here or put my child around it in anyways.
My child already has two grandma's my mother and lynn and a great grandma, I am not depriving them of that. It makes me said bc I know my father will choose kim and she is his wife I get it but if he woNT have a separate relationship with me without her we will not have any hope for a future relationship. It makes me sad to think about my child missing out on a grandpa but honestly I live half way across the country, visits home will be short anyways. I have built a new life and I just want the stress of this situation to go away.
I told my father he is welcome whenever but kim is not, this includes when I give birth and baby shower back home etc.... I don't want her involved. Point period blank. My boyfriend thinks I am being harsh to expect my father to have a separate relationship with me but in my eyes our relations hip is already so danged bc of her it honesty just feels like the end to me.