Family

My son has ADHD he is 9 years old we have another 4 kids 7,5,3,1... My 9 year old threatens me , hits me tells me to die and pull knife out on me saying he will stab me...
I also get very upset and angry I don't hit him I just shout. But it seems everytime I do im wrong .. the other kids have started to do the same thing.. I call them and I have to call 20 times they just look at me, grin and look away, I have lung disease and a bowel condition so I'm not going to be here that long. When I'm in pain they laugh . They beat each other up untill someone is hurt. I feel like a babysitter as I can't tell them off or discipline them.. my missus calls her family or texts them to say I'm being nasty ect.. I'm suffering from depression and have medication from doctor due to this. The way I feel I don't have any enjoyment around them . I want to die but and to scared to take my own life.. our money goes into partners bank and I have to ask for days for sky TV bill money as it's in my name. I get no money from myself. I won 10 k a few mobth back and spent it on a holiday to Florida for us all .. then my dad died and there was some money left for me. I spent it all on the kids for bikrs and bought a cooker. I didn't spend any of the 2 amounts on me. I know there my kids but they say I'm horrible and do nothing for them . I never been on holiday ever and I'm 36 year old. This holiday is one that most kids and missus could only dream of.. I get treated like a slave and then when I say something I'm being nasty ect.. I don't even want to go on plane with them because they are out of control they say they don't have to listen to me because it's mummy's house. I don't want to leave as they are my family.