Scary-out of stock

Wow Candy, you do write, don't you!

CandyApples wrote:There are some churches that will do like very low cost but I do not (done it in the past) like going there because they answer everything with a biblical answer and that does me no good at the moment, at all.

Funny story here. In Australia (long ago and far away) I got a Diploma in Community Welfare then got myself back to my home town in England and walked into this big building... It looked vaguely like a place where I might find the job that would enable me to stay in the area.

There was this presumed counsellor bloke, unsmiling behind a desk, and he listened politely while I gave my spiel. Then, still without cracking a smile: "We help a lot of people here. I have one answer for all of them: Jesus Christ."

I hadn't actually sat down because there wasn't a second chair. After one (or maybe three) beats of utter incomprehension, I said: "Jesus Christ!" then turned and walked out.

I dream of a retreat where I could go, a place where there are little cabins in the woods, nothing for miles, were there is no tv no nothing, to think and emotionally vent/let go. If you wanna run and cry and scream into the wind you can, and if you were to lose control, there was someone there who could handle that.

Closest I've got to that was Julatten https://www.resortsandlodges.com/lodgin ... treat.html where I had a (very costly) week with a dear friend. The pic is of the owners' house with gorgeous pool where stone Buddhas watch over you as you swim. Friend and I had separate cabins, enormous bed in each one and an amazing bathroom with stone basin and a sloping floor, gap at the bottom in one corner so shower water ran straight back into the earth. Louvre windows open all hours and at that time of year (November) just a sheet over you at night. Any time we showed up poolside the owner would come out with healthy snacks. Breakfast and evening meal were served in the house -- can't recall the menu but definitely nothing quietvoice would object to. A couple of women came in from the nearest town to give massages, of which friend and I had two each. The one we both chose was called Shiva Vichy, where you lay on a kind of butcher's table, channels all around it while they used hands and hoses all over you. Mmmm!

Crikey I slept well up that mountain!

to touch lightly on my mom for example (loaded loaded topic, her) ...(and what folllows)

Mine turns 90 this year and a cousin is organising a party in the nursing home. By mutual agreement I haven't been anywhere near her for nearly 40 years. My siblings will all show up: mixed feelings about each of them and awkward email contact with only one... Sorry Candy but you've stirred up every kind of good and bad stuff and here I sit bleeding all over one of your threads...

and then christmas comes and she flat out def didnt get it, and then claimed she didnt know it was the day my dad died.

Mine croaked in 2015. They were a package deal, you can't have one without the other, but he used to call me from time to time until he lost the plot. I was at that stage very far away but still in the same country, and at the end of a session playing online I would morbidly type his full name into the search bar. It came up around 2am six weeks or so after the event and as expected no one had told me. There was no one to call. Instead of going to bed I segued back to surfing, waiting for whatever might happen in my psyche. Nothing did and I had work next day so I went to bed, then not long afterwards I lost control of my pushbike while drunk and roaring down a hill I never tackled sober, landed on my head (with helmet) and bingo, acquired brain injury (ABI). I often think that should have been The End, damn Queensland's bike helmet law, but once the surgeons had pulled my face back together they sent me on my erratic Way.

Re. Christmas: December 25 1983 I showed up to do the family thing, was putting presents for everyone under the tree when Mother came and hissed at me I wish you hadn't come, you always cause so much trouble. I mostly ignored the Silly Season after that, was a journalist at the time and always volunteered to be the one who worked that day and the next for triple pay... until I married a man who does Christmas (with suitable cynicism), so I go along to all the family beanos and let me tell you they've been a prolific bunch... weird stuff if you come from a line that's so close to being extinct.

MTC for the post you actually addressed to me, but need to get ready for work now. I think you and I are very alike.

CandyApples wrote:I cant believe you were timid when you were younger though. How did you get past that?

Not with any conscious effort, that's for sure. It was spontaneous, something to do with gaining confidence and no longer caring what other people thought of me. A very gradual thing, so that one day I remembered people used to walk up to me in the street and be nasty, and I thought, that hasn't happened for a very long time. The next thought, even better, was and I wouldn't care if they did. Because not caring what other people think of you is, ironically, what stops the bad stuff happening.

How did you assert yourself (and know how to do so properly) where people kinda knew not to mess with you? I do find this very hard...

Well, that's a bit different. It's not that easy for me, either. I can only tell you I read that post about your sister-in-law and couldn't understand why you were letting this person tell you what to do. I think you said they had more money than you do, yet you agreed she could have her Christmas at your place, and to add injury to insult, you were to pay for it all? That kind of blatant abuse is not just easy for me to deflect, it's a pleasure. Where I fall down is under-the-radar stuff, for example someone asks me to meet them in town and somehow I end up paying for it.

Reading about your sister-in-law it occurs to me that she gets away with being controlling because the people around her allow it. Turns out Christmas at your place wasn't good enough for her, she lets you know that by saying she'll have it at hers, but what she actually does is recruit a friend to do it instead. If you behaved like that, would you expect to have friends? I wouldn't. The fact that she gets away with it suggests she's either charismatic, or people are for some reason afraid of offending her. It's virtually impossible to be assertive if you're afraid of offending someone. If you're afraid of offending anyone, you're in real trouble.

Im like your having a friends christmas, and dont care if family is ok with plans....how...does that make any sense? You have a mom, you have a dad, you have your own blood family...this is MY family (I got 20 yrs invested) and I and we cherish our traditions of just being with eachother...

And if you made your family the priority, this woman couldn't get you to do her bidding. There's a whole range of behaviours between pushover and bitch. You need only to know what your priorities are, and stand by them. You are NOT powerless; you literally give your power away when you let someone get away with appalling behaviour because you're frightened she's going to stamp her feet.

Let her get mad. Let brother-in-law get mad. Let husband look bad if he must, but I don't see why he should look bad for defending his own castle.

Alot of their actions is very very self involved with zero consideration. They want you to make plans around the times their dogs need to be let out (no lie) but will disregard that you have a kid and that is a factor in things.

Of course it is. But if you agree to rearrange your schedule to accommodate their dogs, you're not too many stops away from letting them sleep in your bed while you take the couch or move out.

CandyApples wrote:You know whats scary, a virus that may head our way and yet, all too soon -.

video, latest upload from Doc Morse, first part of video talking about viruses.

Hi Candid and everyone,
Work has been a little crazy over the weekend and I probably wont be on until late tomorrow or Tuesday as I have to update all of the docs inventory/supplements, hours of data entry. ---- Candid, I really wanted to take the time to address your posts properly. First I appreciate you opening up the way you did and I have soo many questions, so that is my first task when I get a moment to focus on here, I dont want to rush it or inquire, preoccupied. I just wanted to let you all know, I didnt fall off the face of the planet, yet.

Back to work now, good spirits bc it means good paycheck.

I will be back with some novels for you all of you soon, exp Candid

CandyApples wrote: You know whats scary, a virus that may head our way . . .

Video, Pamela Popper on the Scary Virus.

CandyApples, please watch this one and my previous post's video link. I'm sure you'll let me know what you think.

Hi Candid, Im going to write two posts so please do not mind the long read.

Then, still without cracking a smile: "We help a lot of people here. I have one answer for all of them: Jesus Christ."

I hadn't actually sat down because there wasn't a second chair. After one (or maybe three) beats of utter incomprehension, I said: "Jesus Christ!" then turned and walked out.

You are the only person, ok well the 3rd person, that ever understood how that feels. I just, cant comprehend oh that is a answer for people. I get the theory behind it, but its like me saying "hocus pocus" and then expecting someones leg to heal or something. Sometimes tossing a few words around is not a end all for people, I get people want to preach and share the love of the bible, ( I think in the rules it says I cant discuss this so Ill stop) but..I will say..there is a time..and a place for it..and when someone is not at that time or place...it does not..help..them at that moment.

The retreat you spoke of sounded like a wonderful time. Like you said though, it was a costly trip and you went with a good friend. Those options are way down the road for me but I do like the idea of it. Sometimes when I try to fall asleep at night (Im a night owl so its hard, but work in morning) I will pretend the room is a small cabin, and outside is woods and we are snowed in and I tend to drift into dreaming from there for a few hours. I wonder why they do not offer retreats for those going through a life crisis, I mean you do see those for people with like drug addiction, but not really for like..heartache or grief for example.

Were you close to your dad? I know you were long distance, but did you have a relationship with him? I was a little confused as you mentioned you would on occasion type up his name in the obituaries to see if he had passed or not. I never understand , if you really think about it, why Christmas time ---is the time people lose people alot more it seems. What gets me is ..no one told you he passed, you had to find out for yourself? That is unforgivable in my opinion. I understand how you must have felt when you went into the ocean and wanted nothing more for the waves to consume you sorta speak. I know when my dad lost his son at the age of 3, my grandparents thought he was going to kill himself, and hours later found him parked in a field, passed out drunk as a skunk. He was wreckless for a while after but much like you, through waves and motorcycles, the universe had other plans and decided to keep him around for a while. I thought many times to just get in my car, crank the radio up, and just press down on the gas as hard as I could---right off a cliff. I thought about just screaming until my head exploded and everything around me came crashing with it. When kept me from all that is my child. Sole reason. And that being said, I dare not go past a few seconds of crying...bc Im not sure what it would be like to venture further. When you crashed that day on your bike, what was your emotional state once you walked away from the hospital? Also, I think if my mom ever said " I wish you didnt come" on christmas, or any other time, not only would that crush me....Im not sure if I would ever speak to her again, but.....somehow...they can say such things and do things that we would never do ----and we still call them to see how they are doing. Do you do this? Why is your moms relationship so strained? I dont think mine was ready for kids -----(again another topic) (my dad raised us and it saved our lives. That I believe.)
Christmas is not the same for you or I, and doesnt it amaze you how people chose to ignore that.

Because not caring what other people think of you is, ironically, what stops the bad stuff happening.

I feel Im at that point when I dont care or want to care about what ppl think or take their crap, which is why I think Im having some of the problems I have now. Me asserting myself is not working out so easily family wise. Stranger wise, no problem I got a stare on me that I think does enough talking. I dont understand the logic though of someone who can go up to a stranger or someone they just met and just be rude...like...why? And what makes them so certain they could get away with it?

she gets away with it suggests she's either charismatic, or people are for some reason afraid of offending her.

Nail on the head with this one! other people have said the same thing including my husband. Which is also why I mentioned that she brings people gifts...all the time, each and every time she comes in contact with the group, even if you say no thank you. Charismatic. (my mom does that.) So Im like ok so people are afraid of offending her so they dont, but its ok to offend me? But it is so true, no idea how to handle someone like her and the people that fuel it--either are blind or frankly Im less of a person they care about as far as feelings so what I say or feel doesnt matter compared to her. She does get very quickly aggressive so alot of their other friends avoid certain conversations with her and when we are all in one room as a group, friends in all, she will gravitate toward me, or my husband (she uses him alot so the "two brothers interact" which means she gets included too) which is strange bc shes always included. It makes no sense. I feel my last blow up (not sure if I mentioned it in detail about the tickets for my husbands bday that I was exluded from) was heard on all ears, so Im not sure how to be around her when the time comes or even if I need to say anything at all. I kinda went over board but it was just all held inside for so long. (my husbands headset was on so Im certain his friends heard).
There are two quotes I like "You deserve a partner who isnt afraid to hurt other peoples feelings to protect yours" and "dont be a gentlemen to other peoples women, while you are a monster to yours". Those were the basis of what I was so fed up about...but I feel and hope from here, things get better. This whole time I thought you were saying I was crazy for being so upset with my sis in law, I totally misunderstood your other posts.

I appreciate your feedback very much and like I mentioned earlier, its been so helpful to come on here- I notice I just feel a little lighter, a little less alone I guess even if people agree or disagree. Go figure.

Hi Quietvoice,
You should be happy to know I kinda calmed down about the virus thing. Figured hey you cant prevent it completely and Im willing to take the measures needed to self care if I was to be exposed. What I do not like though is the fact that people with a chronic cough, like every 120 seconds, chose to go to places like the comedy club for example, and open air hack and hack..like gooey hack, and not cover their mouths or think, gee...maybe they should stay home. Like the old commercial goes " a cough isnt just a cough