Hi, I wanna talk about some social issues I have related to low self steem.
I think that one of my main problems with low self steem is that I dislike myself to the point that I can't stop being so fake and forced when i'm around people, I hate it, I ended up avoiding social encounters because I know the "fake Me" will show up, I just think it's better that way, without risks, without the fear of being laughed at or humilliated.
This particular scene is very common: I meet someone new, I act very friendly, but in a way that is too forced and I'm like trying to make a good impression or "be confident" or whatever, then, after that, I realize that it was too much and it wasn't honest, so now I'm bound to be acting like that anytime I talk to this person again, and I don't want that, because it is soo exhausting, so I just avoid the person.
I tried to become aware of this "process", so I could have some control over it, but it just got worse, because with self awareness always comes anxiety and (more) fear, it's like having a little tyrant inside my head. So now my mind is divided, in one hand I give in to the temptation of being "someone else", in the other hand I'm a souless robot, so methodic and paranoid. I hate that my only solution is isolating myself from the world, look, I'm a very quiet person, I like to have my privacy and my space, but everyone needs human contact, it's not cool to be a stranger to life.