Hi all,
I grew up in a dysfunctional family when it comes to communication and emotional maturity. Combined with my birth order - have a bunch of older siblings, some of them so immature and control freaks, I feel that despise doing much better than my counterparts - the other two youngest siblings, I still feel that I lack the maturity I am capable to have and should be having accordingly with my age.
I did consciously put effort to teach myself and so for the most part, I feel that I am okay. There is one particular area that I feel I lack maturity utterly: That is in romantic relationship with men. In all my associations with men, I just never felt like I had the emotional skills I should have at that age. In my 20s, it didn'tmatter because I was occupied with getting advanced education. In early 30s, I ended up with a much older man and so it worked out in a way. I was childish but it didn't cause problem because he was 11 years older. With never experiencing a serious long term relationship and staying out of emotinal roller coaster, I feel that I never developed relationship skills with the oppsoite sex.
Now, what I am concern about is behaving like when I was in the age range of 25-35, i.e. get attention from men and let them make all the moves and let them take leads in not so serious relatiosnship instead of a mature woman in her early 40s especially when it comes to dating and finding the right man. How do I fix and develope what I am lacking? And these days, I am particularly feeling a little resentful about my birth order because I feel that my older sisters in their control freal acts have caused me from feeling like a mature woman. I am being totally honest.
The other area I feel I am lacking is the softer skills of the female gender. I was listening to John's Gray on a youtube video yesterday where he was saying about women these days having to act like men in the work force and hence needing to nurtur the softer skills we lost along the way. He was talking in th context of married couple but I totally agree with him. In my case, I feel like I never developed those skills. I chose a hard core science major and the field, especially the industry, was dominated by men. Then, I got into a highly technical field and more interaction with men.
Don't get me wrong. I am not a Tomboy by any shred. I do not look anything but female; I don't act girly though.
Anyway, any tips/guide on making myself feel like a mature woman with confidence in handling issues in work environment to dating and in developing the softer skills of my female gender?