Live in (almost) Mother in law!!!

Your mother in law is not the problem. If you want help then your fiancé must be by your side, that is the problem. Focus your energies on your relationship with your fiancé.

chacker15 wrote:I couldn't add my story to a topic so I'm making my own.

I have lived with my fiance for 4 years, This Past year, I had our son in April. In August his mom came to live with us. She had been living with my fiances younger brother but had overstayed her welcome there and needed a place to live. Since she has moved in she has made my life hell. . My fiance is never home he is a full time student and works full time, so i have to deal with her every day 24-7. She told my fiance she didn't like my 5 cats so he made me get rid of them and she got to keep her smelly dog in my house and i do not like dogs. She is constantly over ruling me on everything and criticizing every little thing i do. She says i don't praise her for doing all the good she does,so i have to publicly thank her on Facebook for being such a good help when shes not. She does what she likes, eats what she likes and basically runs me over. She has cable in her room i buy her food she like i do all kinds of things for her and she still treats me like dirt. Her only job is to keep the kitchen clean and watch my son when me and my fiance want to go out, she half asses the kitchen and sticks my son in his bed with a bottle when she doesn't want to watch him. And my fiance won't kick her out because it's his mom.So I'm stuck with this! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Chacker,

This is a change for me. In marriage problems I have been taking the side of the men, but, well, this situation is unique in that you are the first woman I have dealt with who has submitted a problem for consideration that deals explicitly with Marriage. But, yes, I definitely see your problem, and I have no qualms taking your side.

Oh, do you know that your Situation would be the Normal Situation in India, or at least what used to go as Normal over there – that Husbands and Wives rarely went off to start up households of their own, but the New Couple would move in with the Groom’s Parents, and the new Bride would have to submit to the Mother-in-Law as the authority of the Household. And situations like that are not always happy in India either. There have always been terrible rumors that angry Mother-In-Laws would fabricate ‘kitchen accidents’, that is, they would pour kerosene all over their daughter-in-laws and set them ablaze. Well, one or two such incidents maybe could seem accidental, but it just happens too often. Also, they have or used to have a Dowry System in India, where the Bride’s Family had to pay the Grooms Family to take the daughter off their hands. Well, if they kill off one Daughter-in-Law, well, they can advertise their Son as again being available for Marriage, and then re-marry him and collect another Dowry (and they apparently do not have to give the former bride’s family a ‘refund’! What a System that is, the Dowry System – It seems an odd arrangement, doesn’t it? Some poor girl is sent off to be a virtual slave in her Husband’s Ancestral Home, and her ‘Slave Masters’, if you will permit me to call them that, instead of having to pay for her, they are paid to take her! Well, I suppose the logic of it is that the girls, in either their new household or their old one, are seen as ‘eating’ more than they are worth. Now that seems to be a Social System developed explicitly for a Society undergoing chronic and endemic poverty. Well, when our Society grows chronically and endemically Poor, we will have to be sure to keep their System in mind, but for those of us who do not take a Life of Poverty entirely for granted, well, it just seems horrible for the poor helpless brides to have to submit to such abuses and indignities.

And this is what they are trying to do to you, in sorts. You are like a poor helpless Indian Bride. Is your husband from India, by the way? For him all of this may be too natural and assumed and he may be wondering what you are complaining about.

Anyway, I suggest you get a divorce. You might want to see a lawyer to determine what must be done to guarantee that you will get custody of the Child. One lady I knew who had a similar problem as yours, well, in order to keep custody of her child, she waited for either her husband or his mother to lay hands on her, and then she immediately dialed up the police and had the incident recorded officially as domestic abuse. In that way she cleared a smooth path for acquiring legal custody of her child. Perhaps during all of the Legal Proceedings your Husband might wise up and decide to choose you over his mother, but if not, just go through with the Divorce. You will be much happier that way.

But, I may be guessing far too wide and you may think that such desperate measures are not, yet, called for… ‘yet’. But, keep it in mind. The situation at present could be wearing you down and destroying you as a Character. How far do you want such a process to go before you decide to just step out of it.

Oh, and since this is an Anger Page, we should all point out that you have apparently done a wonderfully good job at maintaining your composure through all of this. How you have apparently submitted and have gone much further than half way in all your conflicts and disagreements, well, you are a virtual Saint. So you have no Anger problem, per se. But the unhappiness and frustration of your situation should not have to be dealt with by a young woman who has always lead a life that she has considered valuable and who thinks she warrants being treated with dignity. In This Civilization you are considered worthy of the Food you Eat. You deserve your own home, and not to be made a prisoner and a servant in a house that should, by all of our own customs, be considered as being your own. A Lady’s Home is her Castle.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes.