new here, my story, what do i do next?

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Hi i am Matthew and am five weeks into attacks mine seem to last longer so you could be lucky
I know what your going through and i know you think no one else feels the same as you do but i can
Like you i feel like im going mad and heard that if you think you are then your not and like you i did not belive it so have done a lot of looking into this.

Its true if you go mad you are one of the last to find out as you do things in front of people without knowing you did it, that is a sign but i expect like myself you are fully aware of what you are doing but just think your going screwy.

The fact me and you are putting all this on this web site means we are not Mad.

Regards and feeling for you Matthew

Oh i meant to say, i am or was realy low but got the self help tape from here and although not cured the panic it has helped and given me hope.

Regards Matthew

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Untill i had the tape i was confused but it explained what the brain was doing.
I can go two - three days without full panic but am worried all the time and i swear to you that i to can NOT eat the smell of food makes me feel sick.

Whenever i used to feel down i would watch tapes of OPEN ALL HOURS used to make me laugh but that to has gone but after looking into it and talking to the best ever GP i know im not going mad its just slight panic all day every day hence can not eat and fearing worst becuse brain is thinking it.

We both have a problem i.e we can not relaxe im only 31 in a job i adore and have had to miss for a month (this week first week back) but everyone assures me that even though i feel like im going mad they are just seeing me the normal Matt..... Its fact if you are going MAD everyone else will notice far faster then you do honest

Helz: You saw your doctor, right? He gave you a complete physical? He said everything was normal with your body?

There's nothing wrong with you, Helz. What you're going through is normal, I think...or at least I hope, because I have those moments of terrible thoughts as well. Like when driving--I'll be listening to music, singing at my loudest worst, and all of a sudden I'll get a dazzling psychic premonition that I'm going to run headon into one of those big trucks that are speeding in the opposite direction. These are really bad thoughts, and I can see them in graphic detail. I've been in two bad car accidents in my life, and I remember that dazed, numb feeling afterwards: "That just didn't happen to me!"

But when the thought is gone, I have to remember that it was only a thought. No, I wasn't contemplating purposefully running headon into one of those big rigs. It was just a thought, what would happen if one accidentally crossed the line and hit me? I have to remind myself that life is good, fantastic! And it's a blessing that my terrible thought didn't come true.

I'm 6-years panic free now, Helz. My panic attacks came on much like yours...drinking an awful lot and then pouring caffeine into my system the day after. Caffeine was the hardest thing to quit. I depended on caffeine to wake me up in the mornings, give me an extra boost in the late afternoon, and then gear me back up before I started partying that night. I felt like the world was picking on me when I stopped, and I went through withdrawals--believe it or not. I desperately needed caffeine, and my body screamed for it constantly for about two months after I stopped.

During that time, the panic attacks went on. Daily. I had at least one attack per day. At LEAST. These would leave me tired, with no energy left to do anything. It felt like I was mentally raped, I swear!

But in time, the caffeine cravings simmered down. I realized that without caffeine in my system, it was a HELLUVA lot easier to go to sleep at night. Before, I would toss and turn until three or four in the morning, and then the alarm would wake me up at six. After the caffeine withdrawals stopped, I would lay in bed for ten minutes and then be out until six. Eight hours of sleep feels so wonderful, you really have something good to look forward to, Helz. You're going to love it.

Take care of yourself, Helz! It won't do any good to read self-help books alone. I tried that. I had to read and then firmly apply what I was reading to my life. I had to keep constant reminders all around me that there was a reason I was striving to change my life. Eat right, sleep 8 hours a night, drink plenty of fluids, talk about your problems with your mom, exercise, and stay away from alcohol! I can't stress the alcohol enough, my friend! When I drank, it was like rubbing sandpaper on my soul, until it was raw and bloody. The caffeine the next morning was like pouring salt over this bleeding mess, and the panic was the pain that came on immediately.

You're young. So is Matt. Around my age. I was young when the panic came on...I'm wondering, is this a way our body has of telling us that we're not 18 anymore? Time to take care of ourselves now. Time to shift down one gear. Time to move into the next step of our evolution.

You're not bonkers, I know that you feel like you're going crazy--but you're not. I felt the same way, and I still consider myself pretty sane.

We must have missed this class in high school, huh? He he he...

God Bless

Have switched to de caf coke but the drinking????????????? wow the only way i stop feeling like world gonna crash is to climb into a large vodka and coke..
Alway drank lots anyhow but more so now.
Have been refered to priory hospital the posh one by my company so may be able to get off booze i hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, Matt - I wish you the best, I truly do. I hope God is with you while you take your first steps towards a better life.

But remember...if the posh hospital doesn't work...? There's a free solution floating around in your neck of the woods, too. It's called A.A., and that's the road that I took when i realized that I was hiding way too much alcohol around my home.

Is there a C.A. for caffeine? hehehe

Or an I.A. for the internet...?