Where to take an energy for consciousness?

When a panic attack comes, I begin to feel the fear that my mind wants to leave me. I do not have the strength to keep my mind. All the time it seems that there is a struggle, where there is I and something bad in me with which I fight. Whoever wins this fight, I do not know. I do not succumb to hypnosis and do not want to distract myself from this problem. I want to look this enemy in me right in the eye, face to face and not be afraid of it. Because when I'm afraid, it immediately kill me. But the trouble is that I do not like fighting, I never liked stressful situations and conflicts. I would like to occupy myself more useful. For example, creativity. I work as a freelancer as a designer in Photoshop. Very much I worry, when there is no success. And when there is luck, I very, very much rejoice and such inspiration that it gives me a lot of strength and I can share my energy with other people. How to distribute the forces of the spirit, where to take energy for your consciousness?