Lifelong low self esteem/confidence

Yes, you learn not to care about rejection and judgment, by intentionally putting yourself in situations where you might be rejected and judged. The more often, the sooner you will learn how not to care. Like other skills, it takes deliberate practice.

Even I do have the same kind of issue, I always care about the people like what they think when I fail and how they feel and what they talk and spread around; Hence I could not achieve anything in my life so far as I have not started taking any risk in my life. could be great one can help me in this as well.

Iamincode wrote:...Hence I could not achieve anything in my life so far as I have not started taking any risk in my life. could be great one can help me in this as well.

I'm not sure how to respond, because you seem to have a solid grasp of the problem. You say, "I have not started taking any risk in life." The problem seems pretty well defined which means the solution is pretty clear cut, start taking risks.

What do you consider risky?

- jumping from a plane
- talking to a girl
- washing your hands

Whatever you consider to be a small risk, you take it. After taking the risk you will realize you are still alive, you are still breathing, you are not hurt. Sure, you may have suffered a little pain, a little injury, but you will be perfectly fine.

Repeat the process, take another small risk, then another. You don't overcome your fear of taking risks by reading a book or baking bread, you overcome the fear of taking risks by taking risks.

And I think that's the problem, I don't try because I fear rejection or judgment too much but how else can I learn if I don't just do it and learn that it's not the end of the world at all. Any tips other than to just do it and not think about it?

There are 3 ways-

Affirmations- in this technique you have to repeat empowering phrases to yourself, or a loud if possible, over and over again.

For example- I am confident
I am calm and confident
I can talk to anyone
People enjoy my company

Visualisation- First find a quiet place and a time you will not be disturbed. Relax your mind. Take deep breaths for a while or listen to calming music( whatever works to clear your mind).

Then picture yourself in a situation with a new person, imagine yourself talking successfully to this person. Imagine what they might say, imagine yourself responding confidently.


Do this at least 10 minutes daily.

Mirror technique- look in the mirror and talk to yourself, tell yourself how confident and talented you are, etc.
Do this st least 5 mins in the morning daily.

All of the above techniques can be googled for further info.

The mind believes whatever you put into it, and how you feel and so you create your reality.

Therefore examine your thoughts carefully, be mindful so you can use your thoughts and feelings to your your benefit.

Hi,

Confidence can seem like a massive goal to achieve but in actuality if you do a few things consistently then you should be well on your way to achieve your goals.

However don't be fooled into thinking that becoming self confident means that you will never have doubts or feel nervous or insecure again because this simply isn't true. Becoming confident or self confident provides us with the tools to handle anything that life can throw at us and come out the other end stronger and happier.

A great tip I can give you is to look at how your body behaves when you are feeling low. Our physiology has a direct link to how we feel. Just changing your body language can bring about instant change! Try holding your shoulders back, chest out, head up and see how you feel.

Then cross you arms, lean your shoulders in and crouch down with your head hanging low and see how you feel after that.

I have a website offering tips on confidence and I think a few of the articles will help you, I can send you a link if you'd like.

I also talk about a great book on body language which will help you.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Good luck

Neil

Yes that would be awesome

Do being shyness and lacking confidence play into eachother? Shyness has always been a part of my life and I can't get over it

Let me tell you something.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shyness. Actually I like women who are sort of shy.
Trying to change that will force you to become somebody who you are not.

So from my point of view: shyness is not your problem. There is something deeper you must work on.

Can you for instance talk to your mother, your father? Brothers and sisters in a open honest way, so that you feel"This is who I am?

You will need to determine what you find risky and what you find uncomfortable. The two are not the same. If you are so afraid of rejection, you may want to start doing what's uncomfortable before you do what's risky. I have the feeling you are uncomfortable in some situations, before you have even taken any risks. Take some time to establish what makes you uncomfortable and what you consider risky. But don't make things up. Take real life situations you have been in as examples. Then start deliberately getting out of your comfort zone, and then take some risks. You will inevitably make mistakes. And that's great because it means you are taking action, you are doing something to learn more about yourself. As you take more risks, you will find your risk tolerance level. You risk tolerance level will change with time as you gain more experience and confidence. You will learn how to take well calculated risks. There is no way to develop that kind of knowledge without getting bruised a little bit here and there, so to speak. Can you get bruised really badly? Yes. But there are ways to avoid those situations by associating yourself with people who are already successful in the areas in which you want to succeed. This is why it is great to start with determining your goals. Hire a coach or go to a seminar, read, learn...

Shyness and a lack of confidence do go hand in hand, although you can be confident and a little shy at times.
As I'm a new user I can't pm you yet but I can point you in the direction of a few people that helped me massively.

Check out Tony Robbins.......he has loads of free clips on youtube that you can watch and gain a great insight from. He has helped millions of people and has worked with presidents and royalty and he really helped change my life.
Becoming confident is all about working on yourself and improving yourself and a great way to start is learning how to control your mind instead of letting it control you. There are some great books on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that should help with this.....Check out 'The Ultimate Introduction To NLP Hoe to Build a Successful Life'. Its an easy read and a great start to your journey.

This is something that you can achieve!! It will take a little bit of work and a lot of persistence but it's a fun and rewarding journey.
Let me know how you get on or if you want any more pointers......I'd be happy to help.
Good luck
Neil