relationships

Timsar wrote:I like to have people around but I can only take so much of them.

I suspect that when you're with other people you make a great effort "to be friendly, kind, open minded and generous". For some reason this feels foreign to you, the effort makes you tired, and you start longing to be alone again so you can relax your guard.

If that's the case, you'll go on being "extremely lonely".

I recommend you get to know yourself better, realise you really are innately kind and generous, and then you'll be able to relax and enjoy yourself with your friends.

Thanks for your advice!!
Getting to know myself,............... ok!
What do I do about friends' jealousy???? I love them but somehow I can feel their anger/resentment or sometimes even hear it in their voice.

Timsar wrote: I like to have people around but I can only take so much of them.

Yeah, I've been like this for a while. I relate.

Why do you think you think your friends resent you?

With me its quite the opposite actually, I think I resent specific people at home, and that has grown to feeling tired around different people.

Loneliness is just an illusion. If you look deeper, we are connected to all creatures and all things at all time. You are never alone really.

Just be yourself! If you believe your friends are jealous of you ask them why. It could just be that you're trying hard to please and misintepret their attitude towards you.

Timsar wrote: . I feel that everytime I get close to someone (especially girls) they get jealous of me and I don't know how to deal with that, it destroys our relationship. I have what every one considers a good life thank god; Health, good education, nice house well a perfect life, at least what it looks like to the world. Please give me some advice.
Thanks

I would suspect that you are so needful to have friends that you reach out and latch onto every person you encounter.
The process must be one of mutuality on every level, interests, lifestyles, spirituality and so on.
If you don’t have areas in common jealousy and resentment will ensue. I would recommend finding friends and not just people to fill your time with.
I have met with a great deal of success in life as well and those who are true friends are grateful for me, those who have not done well for themselves or who are merely acquaintances automatically resent my success.
You can have associations with whomever you wish, but look for friends who are on the same playing field you are on, and you can play together.
Psychologme

Timsar wrote:In general I like to have many friends but people bother me, do I need to get help?

No, like others have mentioned, you need to look inside of yourself and come to realise who you really are. I don't think you like to have many friends, I don't think you're very close to your many friends, I just think you like the idea of having many friends, it's fits your perfect image of your perfect life.

Timsar wrote:I try to be friendly, kind, open minded and try to be generous. I know that I am very sensitive, I shouldn't but I take everything personal.

That you act friendly, kind, open minded and attempt to be generous doesn't automatically make you a likeable person, especially not if that is a behaviour which doesn't come natural to you, but if you're actually making an effort acting a certain role, a role of the person you'd like to see yourself as.

Timsar wrote:I just wish I had more friends I am extremely lonely. I like to have people around but I can only take so much of them.

You're going around this all wrong. You're not lonely because you don't have friends enough, you're lonely because you have too many "friends", but you don't actually have any close friends.

I'm getting the impression that your entire existence is a big act. You want to live a "perfect life", and in order to live a perfect life and be a perfect person, you must live in a nice house, have a good education, be friends with everyone and act kind and open minded and generous.

You seem extremely shallow and I can't imagine what you'd have to offer in a friendship, if everything you do and say is just another line in the act that is your perfect existence. People don't get jealous of you, they get sick of hearing about how lucky you are and how perfect your life is.

Try being yourself for a change, stop acting like you think you're supposed to act in order to fit the role you've chosen to play in your life. Try to play the role of yourself. I'm sure that'll make you real, close friends.

It’s a sign that you are too sensitive and emotional, perhaps you could learn to develop a thick skin. It’s difficult not to feel paranoid about what people think about you and feel defensive if they are being bitchy but sometimes your mind can play tricks make you think that people are talking about you etc.

Timsar wrote:In general I like to have many friends but people bother me, do I need to get help?
I try to be friendly, kind, open minded and try to be generous. I know that I am very sensitive, I shouldn't but I take everything personal. I have been hurt so many times I am tired of getting hurt. I feel that everytime I get close to someone (especially girls) they get jealous of me and I don't know how to deal with that, it destroys our relationship. I have what every one considers a good life thank god; Health, good education, nice house well a perfect life, at least what it looks like to the world. I just wish I had more friends I am extremely lonely. I like to have people around but I can only take so much of them.
Please give me some advice.
Thanks

hi. I know that it is not easy for you to live like that. lonely. Why don't you try to think more positive. For example, when someone tries to talk to you, be friendly to you, then you just need to think simply that they like you and they are not bad persons who always jealous with you. I think you just need to think positive. Although it's kind of "fairy tale" when we always thinks that all the things are good, trust me, it does work. Make it simply and positive. I think you will be fine. Just ignore the bad, and negative things, and replace them by good and positive thoughts. Hope you can do it and happy with your life.

Timsar wrote:In general I like to have many friends but people bother me, do I need to get help?
I try to be friendly, kind, open minded and try to be generous. I know that I am very sensitive, I shouldn't but I take everything personal. I have been hurt so many times I am tired of getting hurt. I feel that everytime I get close to someone (especially girls) they get jealous of me and I don't know how to deal with that, it destroys our relationship. I have what every one considers a good life thank god; Health, good education, nice house well a perfect life, at least what it looks like to the world. I just wish I had more friends I am extremely lonely. I like to have people around but I can only take so much of them.
Please give me some advice.
Thanks

Then schedule activities with friends that have an expiration date of some sort. I'm the same way; being around a ton of people for a long time is exhausting. I cherish alone time, but also need friends. Perhaps take in a ball game with a friend, or go to a movie with a friend. In those activities, the focus isn't as heavy on the conversation/relationship, but a shared experience of something else. That's usually what friendship is: a shared experience.

As far as the jealousy factor, if you have such a fancy houes and they do not, then try and hang out with your friends somewhere else so they do not feel self-conscious. On the other hand, you could offer to have people over for activities at your home that they cannot have at their house, and they will feel you are generous, rather than be merely jealous. That can backfire, however, if they sense that you're bragging. Perhaps rely more heavily on my 1st paragraph.

i am not expert in therapy training etc. i can just help you if you understand what i mean.
there is one core concept under your problems face- what is that ? you know better than us all. the core very core concept that is bothering you- i guess it is ' friendship is your pride or friends must be there to fulfill your needs in the time of need' etc...what is that ? first find out it. then work on it. it is not bad thing to stick to any concept but it is bad not to use it positively. we somtimes really dont know even what is our problem. so first find out the cause. then figure it out . then if you get my point , then talk to me. may be i could solve your problem by changing your conceptual background in which your brain is striving now.
good luck.
dr mona