Hello,
Today I bring to you the greatest dilemma of my life so far.
It’s a long story and bumpy, so I kindly ask you to buckle up and keep reading.
I have known my ex-gf since we were 10 years old. We always had that special thing for each other even as little kids, she was my crush and I was hers. Life went on, we got separate ways and one day, we were already in college, i decided to contact her and we clicked. We have started dating and we were obviously very happy. 8 years went by with ups and downs that I have always considered quite normal on long-term relationships, but we have always kept strong in face of adversities, because we were so special for each other, right?
2 years ago, we have decided to move in together and it was a very happy time, such responsibility and companionship, a bed a and a table to share, we know that we would always find each other at the end of the day to be together. However, she was never happy with her job and professional choices and me, on the other side, I loved my job and I was very focused on it. Too focused. Among other issues, we have started to grow apart emotionally and I have found out that she was meeting some other guy, more or less 4 months ago.
At first she said it was no big deal, that he was starting to like her, but that for her, he was only a friend and she guaranteed thar she had already told him to step back a bit. I believed, but the weird behaviours did not stop and I have found out again that they were dating behind my back. By that time, I have decided that I would not endure more of it and I left home. We have decided that we need time apart to think about our feeling and she told me that she wanted to be with me, but she was too into the other guy and she would be making all efforts to get over him for the next month, so me and her could be together again.
I was living somewhere else, and very painful month of almost no contact between us went by and one day I was missing her quite bad and I have texted her. She did not reply and I was feeling miserable for making such stupid move. I then drove to our house just to see her a bit and I found the other guy’s car parked in front of the door. I got away from there and then texted her stating that we should take care of our common belongings so we could move on properly. She replied telling me that she could not sleep and that we should talk. I drove back to our house and we told how much we were missing each other, that being apart did not make sense at all. We both decided that we should be working together for our relationship and she told me that she was going to break it off with other guy. She did, but her heart was still with him.
2 very confused months have passed in which she was dating me and dating the other guy, she had no idea whom to chose as a partner. We were breaking up and making up almost every week, because i always kept my hopes that she was going to decide to be with me, even though I was feeling very manipulated, but I was so emotionally dependent on her that had to keep waiting for it. My dignity was in the mud already, so why shouldnt i sacrifice myself a bit more, right? I was sure it would pay off. It was however exausting for both of us and I understood that I could not keep living a lie, as she clearly did not want to let go of the other guy.
A bit more thatn a week ago, we have then both decided at the same time that it was time. We were not meant to be together. We were no longer special to each other. We were both accepting the idea that we would go separate ways in life, the the end of our long love story has come to an end.
But in that very same day, she called, she was having a panick attack (it was fairly common, and I always helped her through it when we were together) and she asked me to come as quickly as possible. When I arrived at what was once our home, she told me that the other guy has just had accident and had die… I did not know what to react, i was petrified, a guy so young (our age) did not exist anymore… but she was devastated…
I very quickly grew a pair, tried to forget all our history, and told her I was very sorry for her loss and that I was available as a friend. Took her to the hospital and endured qll my ambiguous feelings just to be there with her.
She has been suffering a lot, she is having a very hard time dealing with him being gone. I now have information about their relationship that I had no idea about. She was living a life that I had ignored completely. She was very much in love.
She tells me that she feels very sad and very lonely and that she has no one in her life that she can call a friend. She tells me that she doesn’t want to lose me either and she needs us to be friends, that I am the best person she has ever met.
But even though I feel such need to take care of her and to shield her from the pain, I can’t help but to feel:
resentment for being cheated on and stepped on by her
a very low-self esteem for being replaced and feeling that I was not good enough, when I was under the impression that we were meant for each other
depression-like feeling because the love of my life is no longer mine to love
genuine concern about her mental health
a great sadness for a lost life, even though he was someone who brought so much pain to mine
a stupid little persistent hope that makes me believe that one day she will truly see me again as the love of her life…
I can’t even begin to describe you the greatness of my love for her and under normal circumstances I would accept an opinion like ‘there is plenty of fish in the sea’. But someone has died and she is in such pain…
Sorry for the long comment, but this is eating me alive from the inside. What would you do in my position?