Thinking of Suicide

okay.

I'm more concerned about the content of my dreams to be honest.

Are you taking any kind of anti-depressant, Zanoni? Some of them list 'nightmares' among their side-effects.

Escitalopram

I don't think that causes nightmares -- but you don't define them as such, anyway.

I know you spend a lot of your waking hours thinking you'd be better off dead, so it looks like this is bleed-through. Question is why you can't accept that you aren't going to die anytime soon, and focus on the good things in your life.

I know you'll say there isn't anything good about your life, because I've seen that from you before. It's a matter of reframing, and focusing on what you want. And by the way, most of us think life would be better if we had oodles of money. I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can be more original.

Admittedly, I sometimes have moments where I struggle to forget that there are other reasons to stay alive other than the potential grief of others.

Candid wrote:I don't think that causes nightmares -- but you don't define them as such, anyway.

I know you spend a lot of your waking hours thinking you'd be better off dead, so it looks like this is bleed-through. Question is why you can't accept that you aren't going to die anytime soon, and focus on the good things in your life.

I know you'll say there isn't anything good about your life, because I've seen that from you before. It's a matter of reframing, and focusing on what you want. And by the way, most of us think life would be better if we had oodles of money. I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can be more original.

This is where I get lost, how can I know what I want from life if the life I have is something I don't want?!?!

Even if I say something like "I want oodles of money" that option is denied to me from others...this is where I get lost again because its not what I want but what others are willing to give me in this regard.

I honestly do not know what I want from life.

I believe you. And I know how that feels.

All I can tell you is that if you have no direction in life, no goals to aim for, it's tantamount to saying you don't care what happens to you. And there's great freedom in that.

Far as I can see the only point to life, if there has to be one (which I dispute, but anyway...) is to connect with at least one other person. Preferably more, but one will do. I know from your many threads here that there is no such person in your life.

It's relationship that gives life its savour. And if there's no human you can tolerate for that, it's not a bad idea to get a dog. Someone or something to care about is what gets people up in the mornings. I've had primary relationships with dogs before now (yes, I know how that sounds) and all that adoration helps you see yourself and your life in a different light.

f/j wrote:Admittedly, I sometimes have moments where I struggle to forget that there are other reasons to stay alive other than the potential grief of others.

Who else knows that feeling?

Zanoni wrote: Even if I say something like "I want oodles of money" that option is denied to me from others...

That option is not denied to you by others, it is denied to you because of yourself.

If you wanted oodles of apples, you don't want to have to pick the apples, you just want people to give you apples without you doing anything in return. You could get oodles of apples if you made the effort to plant apple trees. You blame others, but you are the one doing nothing to plant a tree.

They have money trees now? I didn't know that. Remember all that I am doing is asking others for money nothing more than that Richard. (Have you seen findom on twitter?)

So what other ways is there? You couldn't even me 10 realistic ones given my current situation. Ones that might actually happen in reality.

Zanoni wrote: Remember all that I am doing is asking others for money nothing more than that Richard. (Have you seen findom on twitter?)

That is called begging. Most beggars don't get "oodles" of money/apples. Most put in long hours so they can buy a few apples. Beggars provide a service, but it is a very low value service. Beggars allow people to feel good for a little while in exchange for a small bite of an apple. It's not like the service a doctor provides when they alleviate physical pain for several barrels of apples.

I was not familiar with findom, but looked it up. It is erotic humiliation, traded for apples. I doubt the market for financial humiliation is so large that all but the best findoms can adequately humiliate enough clients to gain enough apples. Findom is providing a specialized service that requires effort.

So what other ways is there? You couldn't even me 10 realistic ones given my current situation. Ones that might actually happen in reality.

Lol, this forum has provided you hundreds of ways over the years. You simply don't act on any of them. You make excuses to maintain your "current situation" as if somehow it is a permanent state that can only be changed by others.

The ones that might happen in reality are dependent on you. Every real idea anyone has ever offered, you rule out. There is no point in me listing yet another 10 options, because you will rule them all out, the same as in the past. You are stuck in your current situation, because of you, nobody else.

A funny thing is how so many people don't understand apples are money, that money literally does grow on trees. If money did not grow on trees, a lot of farmers would be poor as hell. People see money as paper, they don't understand money is grown.

So how do you grow it? I'm asking genuinely.

I've a fake findom twitter account and make £200 a week for doing nothing.

Zanoni wrote:I've a fake findom twitter account and make £200 a week for doing nothing.

Cool. That's oodles relative to your effort. Why not have 10 fake findom twitter accounts and make 2,000 a week for doing nothing? Why not 100 fake accounts? Certainly there is more than findom you can fake and make apples for relatively no effort.

How about crypto mining? The computer mines bitcoin and other e-currency while you sleep.

I had another death dream last night. Its freaking me out.