i can't control myself, please help me

Hmm... so the anger outlets are getting in the way... perhaps you should contemplate why you aren't able to control it? What first triggered these anger/emotional outbursts to happen 6 months ago?

As to your doctor, if he is to help you perhaps you should be honest with him as s/he cannot do a thing to truly help you unless they know what needs have to be met. Letting him know can be very useful in both letting it out for another to know and for the feeling of acceptance he has to give as a practicioner.

As a naturally curious person, might I inquire as to what it is that first triggered your anger 6 months ago and/or continued to trigger it over the months? I've known many to suddenly have spouts of anger, however, very few have been able to maintain it and I'm curious if it has to do with their motivation or if it has to do with their emotional strength (there is a chance that intelligence does play a part in it, however, if that is the case then it would be in reducing it... however, intelligence playing a part in it at all is highly doubtful as all people of every race, sex, and walk of life are generally capable of the same blessings and tragedies).

I do not believe that intelligence would reduce my anger, i am an intelligent person with a good career, an excellent qualifications.
I am emotionally weak, I am one way in my professional life but my private life is a different matter all together, it's almost like i have two personalities.
I've been through quite alot in my life, the thing that first triggered the fights was a comment my ex made about having me deserved to have been put through certain incedents i suffered in the past. I'm not sure why it has continued, i think i have had increased resenment for my ex over time (he continued to put me down at any given oportunity and i reduced my working hours).
It's hard to explain, it feels as though i've gradually lost myself over the past six months

Hi there, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, I am going through exactly the same thing at the minute with my girlfriend. I have been losing control for about 6 months also, and last Friday night when we were both drunk was the last straw for her. I have spoken to my doctor about it and he has referred me to an anger management counsellor. I am hoping that I can show her that I want to change and as you are hoping, to win her back. Dont give up trying, I wont.

Hello guys

Have you read this article:

http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/relationships.html

I learnt a lot from that about the good and bad ways of arguing and indeed, I did show it to my boyfriend as well. We both have 'bad temper' and can very easily work ourselves up so that we really just end up TRYING to say things that irritate each other. It is terrible and I hate our arguments. We have learnt to be more sensible but it takes two. If one of you argues 'the wrong way' the other one is bound to get irritable too. That of course is NOT an excuse for hitting but it does not make arguments anything else but destructive, either.

When you hit, is it because you feel you "cannot get through"? Because you cannot get the other person to understand what you are trying to say? Is it a sudden thing that just 'happens' because you have too much to say and you are too angry to be able to form words? Learning to argue in a different manner could help you with those.

Do you feel that when someone says something about what you have done it is always criticism? And when you feel you are being criticised is it very threatening? Is someone stepping into your area which means that you have to attack? And that you cannot EXPLAIN your reasons for doing something?

Violence causes a lot of fear. It takes away the love and respect. All is not ruined if you do want to change though - definitely you must do something about it! I think those anger management courses are very good. I have not been myself but a friend of mine said her boyfriend had been and they had learnt a lot from the material and exercises he had been given. Maybe you should give it a go! Meanwhile, remember that your partner is an individual, someone you cannot control and must not control. There is a famous sentence that goes somehow like this: "Relationship is just that. A relationship - not an ownership." (Mark Tyrrell knows where I got it from I think!!). I appreciate that you are both intelligent and deeply feeling guys but what you need to learn is really get that thought into your heart so that next time you get angry you will respect the other person's space and remember that she has got the right to have her views and feelings.


Hope you found my view helpful. I have suffered from jealousy and I know what it feels like when you are so angry that you just want to hit!! But I GOT to do something about it, I do not want to hit anybody, ever. I have been hit and there is enough violence in the world, I don't want to be one to pass it on.
I also come from a family where my stepfather beat my mother up really badly, only once but we stayed at a hotel and that was the end of it so I know what it is like. You do not want to put your kids into a situation where they come between Mummy and Daddy to prevent one from hitting another.

Thanks guys, more suggestions welcome

what's_happening_to_me wrote:I do not believe that intelligence would reduce my anger, i am an intelligent person with a good career, an excellent qualifications.

I didn't question your intelligence, I questioned what changed months ago that made your control weaken. However, thanks for answering the questions.

Thanks guys, more replies welcome!