I'm so terribly ashamed of this but i need to get it off my chest, sorry it's a long one
I know i'm going to sound like a terrible person but i never used to be like this, it's driving me crazy.
For about 6 months I have been unable to control my temper. I get so anygry at the slightest thing and I'm ashamed to say that i have hit my ex when in these rages.
He, understandably, left after one too many fights, they ended up being every few weeks or so.
I've had depression for about three years now, have been seeing a councillor, but i'm far too embarrassed to tell him about this.
The arguments always started with me flying off the handle when i couldn't express my feelings, usually because of something that had been said to me that was deeply painful. Over time my ex started to push me back and for the past few months of the relationship he was covered in scratches and i was always covered in bruises. The arguments were only when we were drunk (not trying to excuse it, just not sure if it's relevant or not).
we recently broke up because of one such fight. Part of the reason i want to stop this is to prove to him that i'm still the same person he originally fell in love with underneath (in the hope of winning him back) but also because i can't carry on like this.It's ruinening my life.
I'm only 25 and have always had a firey temper but i've always been able to control it.
The thing is that i can go from being so mad that i'm throwing plates around to crying in a heap the next minute.
I've got no idea where all of this anger has came from.
I know i need help i'm just not sure what to do, i can't continue like this.
I'm completely disgusted with myself