This gave me a big smile.
When conversing with someone online it is natural to develop a “mental picture” or image of that person. Even as I am well aware how misleading and inaccurate, given the years we have conversed it is normal to have a “Candid” representation.
When I clicked on the link, it looks awesome. I thought, “This is perfect for Candid, she will have a great time.” It was almost too perfect a fit for mental representation of you.
Totally not for me, lol. My jaded spirit isn’t ready.
The relevant section of the forms I handle is
Rape
Assault by penetration
Other sexual assault
Gross misconduct
In this case, "other sexual assault" would be checked and yes, Mephista would then go on a waiting list for counselling. The fact that her mother watched and did nothing would come up for discussion, too.
In my state, what happened would fall under “assault” as it relates to criminal activity. If Mephista wanted to press charges, the father would be summoned to court and fined. It wouldn’t qualify as “sexual” for a number of reasons.
I am assuming in the forms you handle, rape and penetration violate the law. What about “other sexual assault”? Is it criminal or are there cases where technically no crime was commented, but it still makes the person eligible for counseling?
What about gross misconduct? Any of it considered criminal?
A mother comes up to her adult son and slaps his butt while saying, “Hey baby, you have a sweet, sweet little @ss.” In my state, it is assault, not sexual assault. It is also not abuse. The son is an adult.
A drunk mother sits on her adult sons lap and grabs or “fondles” his package. The father watches and does nothing. It is disturbing, in my opinion it is ethically/morally bankrupt, but it is criminally treated as assault, not sexual assault. It is not treated as abuse of a 20 year old.
In my state, touching breasts or touching a “sexual organ” of an adult is not sexual assault or abuse.
___
I understand a behavior can be psychologically traumatic, regardless if it meets the legal threshold of abuse or sexual assault.
I think in this case you and I have different frames of reference. We both see the father’s actions as horrible. We both see the actions of the father and the mother as unjustifiable.
How to proceed? Not for you, as you have your torch to bear. What is my role, if any? Given I participate in the forum and try to give advice, how does my frame of reference influence my thought process?
My thought process...I see two imagined futures for Mephista. Both involve some future point where Mephista is explaining to someone her relationship with her parents.
Future -1-
“I don’t have much contact with my parents. My dad is a real d#!#. He is crass, a jerk, a drunk, and just not a good person. I don’t have much respect for him. When I was younger he treated me like s#$*, so I don’t really see much value in the relationship. When I was 20, he actually grabbed my breasts once and he has called me a whore. What a friggin #^&. My mom defends him, so I don’t talk with her much either.
Future -2-
“I don’t have much contact, because I’m a survivor, a victim of sexual molestation at the hands of my father. I’m a victim of verbal abuse as a child and into my adult years. I go to trauma counseling and have a therapist, because of his abuse and my mothers neglect. I have a lot of support, people that understand and reinforce that as a victim they are here for me, unlike my parents.”
I guess my struggle is validating Future -2-, when it seems to me that Future -1- is a much healthier and productive frame of reference. Why do parents either need to be classified as GEP or those that produce offspring suffering from CPTSD?
Why is there not a middle ground, where you just say, “My parent is a #@!$head,” but I don’t need years of therapy, I don’t need to be told I have CPTSD, I don’t need to adopt a victim or survivor mentality, etc.?
I’m sure there is a middle ground between GEP and CPTSD, but maybe in this forum I just don’t get that sense. It seems every case is treated as binary.
Hope you are enjoying Findhorn.