I panic over my wife ob/gyn exam

**Posts:** 4 · by **mrpanicatm** » Sat Oct 14, 2006 10:44 pm

hello,
i am new to this board so please bear with me. i have a bad problem with my wife having pelvic exam or breast exam from male doctor. i dont know why this bothers me so bad, as i realize they are doing their job, but i have been this way even from my first marriage.(when i was 18, now i am 37). I actually made her switch to a female ob/gyn! i am not really a jealous kind of man, it doesnt bother me even if i know someone is flirting with her. but we have had 3 children already, and due another one, and i have asked that she also change to a female ob/gyn, after she explained her last visit to me. evidently he examed her with no one in the room, took longer than normal for the bimanual portion(thats where the doctor sticks his fingers in her vj and rectum), was so pre-occupied he forgot to do the papsmear and had to redo that part, and it went clear through me, i became enraged so bad that i was depressed for several days afterwards. until finally my wife asked what was wrong, and i told her. she was understanding, she told me she would be willing to switch doctors since it botherd me that bad, but it is still bothering me, i cant concentrate on my job or anything because i am so obsessed with this. when we had our second child, the doctor used her to train a medical student, i had no idea, so when he showed up to deliver the baby in addition to the other guy, i was very uspset,i askedeave the room, but no one complied to my pleadings, and the guy wound up delivering our baby. i really felt betrayed after my wife explained that he had been present during examinations as well. that still bothers me. i dont know how to deal with this emotion, it is such a POWERFUL feeling of hate that i do not experience other wise. when we go to the hospital i have visions of men running around looking for any excuse to put the fingers you know where. i have even considered trying to get our consent forms modified to exclude all male staff from the delivery room. am i the only one that feels this way? i have searched the internet to try and find similar situations and came up with nothing. if anyone has any serious input i would like to hear it. i only have a few months to go. i have searched all the way to my childhood to find some event that might be triggering this emotion, but i cant remember anything on this scale.

i am editing this a little, so i see a few has veiwed this, please respond with some input, especially if you are a doctor yourself and have seen this before.
thank you all

**Posts:** 8044 · by **satanstoystore** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 4:23 am

what if the doctor was gay? actually, do you even know if the doctors are hetero?

this isn't about doctors and their jobs. What exactly are you Imagining that they are doing and feeling? that wasn't rhetocrical, I'm genuinely curious.

when I think about a sig. other seeing their doctor I simply imagine the both of them doing a a cold, sterile, furthest from sexy as you can get, medical procedure. not only do I feel nearly nothing about it but I'm actually turned off and feel sorry for them. What is it that you imagine?

here's a comparison. Do you get stimulated at the thought of seeing your doctor and having to turn your head and cough? It's pretty much the same for them.

do your wife a favor. Learn to get a handle on this because it's likely you have the same sort of strategies in other parts of your life. I'm sure she'd be immensely grateful if you got a grip.

**Posts:** 4 · by **mrpanicatm** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 7:03 am

i understand what you are saying, however it still bothers me, as for myself having a physical, that is the only time i have to get checked, my doctor is always a man, vs. my wife gets checked every time she goes to the doctor, so the ratio of guy getting checked to woman getting checked is what, 50:1, 100:1? my wife is pregnant, has had three already, i know what it is, i have been with her to exams, and it still bugs me a lot. wqhen i go to the doctor, i rarely lift my shirt, wheras my wife

**Posts:** 8044 · by **satanstoystore** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 5:00 pm

understood.

What exactly are you Imagining that they are doing and feeling?

**Posts:** 260 · by **echelon** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 9:55 pm

I'm a nurse and have come across quite a few 'dodgy doctors'. It does happen, although the majority aren't the least bit interested when they're doing an intimate exam.

You could explain to your wife about how you feel and try to find a female obs/gynae to examine her in the future, but I don't know if that would be feasible given that most men are doctors.

Here in the UK women don't have a PV exam until they're in labour unless there's some urgent problem, so I don't even know why your wife is having these exams - perhaps she could ask if they're really necessary. There's not much to see up there during pregnancy anyway - the cervix is sealed up to keep the baby in. Breasts don't need examining either, unless they're very painful or discharging something other than breastmilk. Nobody got near me when I was pregnant apart from the day before I had my son.

Is a female midwife going to deliver your baby? Why did a doctor deliver your last ones?

I don't think that your worries are unreasonable given the behaviour of the doctor that you first described. You sound quite traumatised by the thoughts that your wife may have been violated.

If your wife must be examined in the future then tell her that a female member of staff (qualifed or not) should always be present during the examination. Pregnant women are vulnerable to all kinds of mistreatment - I had a doctor give me a bad exam and perform an unconsented to procedure the day before I went into labour and it wasn't a nice experience.

Don't be scared to be assertive. Discuss this matter with your wife and find out how she feels about the whole thing. PV exams are part of life for women, but they should be performed ethically.

**Posts:** 4 · by **mrpanicatm** » Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:05 am

thank you all for your replys, as for what i am imagining, check out the following:
http://www.brooksidepress.org/Products/ ... icexam.htm

that looks to me like a very sexual procedure, and at one time it was just my wife, the male doctor, and the male student, and im sure they were practicing .

**Posts:** 8044 · by **satanstoystore** » Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:27 am

you haven't described how you think about it. take care, no longer watching topic.

**Posts:** 1118 · by **Sluagh** » Thu Oct 19, 2006 5:08 am

mrpanicatm wrote:thank you all for your replys, as for what i am imagining, check out the following:
http://www.brooksidepress.org/Products/ ... icexam.htm

that looks to me like a very sexual procedure, and at one time it was just my wife, the male doctor, and the male student, and im sure they were practicing .

can an admin please edit this link?

**Posts:** 20 · by **BleedingImmortal** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:01 pm

I had a girl friend who was in a pretty wierd situation with a doctor during a intimate exam. It was a male doctor and while he had his fingers in her she said she noticed him getting hard....he didn't do anything else but what he was supposed to do but she never went to that doctor again. So yeah...sh** does happen sometimes.

**Posts:** 6 · by **needhelp2007** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:32 am

[color=green][/color][size=18][/size]
Exam...
this does not look sexual....they go to school to learn how to do this proceedure.

Some women don't mind, and for what ever reason, perhaps this or that, others do. It has to be done, if you want this dr help.....

I did not have this type of treatment during my pregrancy...but during anual exams yes...if I wanted to keep from getting pg...birth control...

Hopefully, your wife is comfortable with what has to be done...and nothing else is going on. The other posts make good recommendations/concerns

**Posts:** 2 · by **jmm** » Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:26 am

Hi.

I dont know if this can be something else but I feel the same. I want to die, I dont work, I would prefer to do everthing but not be at this situation. The strange is that I like to go to naked beaches with my wife, and I dont have any problem about both of us being naked in front of other people. So I must think that this have something to do with the power of choice, the power of decide to show or not our body. Nobody should tell us to dress or undress, sit or stand up, open or close the legs. Our body is our castle and we as kings and queens have the power to give or take.

Do you think I am crazy? I have one usual life with kids, I make real friends everywhere, I have a lot of responsability on my companies. So what is wrong?

Thanks, it feels good just to talk about this.

**Posts:** 1 · by **mattthespearo** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:52 am

Hi Mr panicatm,

I know exactly what you're saying, thinking and feeling. I have and still feel the same, but I am getting there. Some of the other posts have offered well-intentioned advice, but it's just not helpful is it? At the end of the day these doctors viewing and prodding your wifes most intimate areas are men. Some people seem to hold a fallacy that when a man becomes a doctor he magically loses all sexual attraction to any female but his wife and that any perverse thought he may have cease. That is not the case and in fact some research suggests that intelligent, highly educated men may have the sickest minds of all. All you can do is stick to your guns and don't let your wife visit male doctors unless absolutely necessary. If she needs to, go with her, even though you may want to run away, because at least you won't inventing scenarios in your mind of what might have happened (this is a very extreme form of self torture). Sex can be and very often is about power and other men have had power over your wife's naked body. No one but you should have this power over your wifes body. Many poeple don't understand this and can't accept it and I may get toasted for saying it, but it is true and being in denial about it is not helpful. In saying these things I must add that my wife has seen a particular ob-gyn for a long while and i have been to every visit. I am totally convinced that he has no interst other than a totally professional one, so I believe some doctors are ok, but not all.

mattthespearo

**Posts:** 2 · by **jmm** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 7:24 pm

what can I say. how can I feel knowing that my wife is dressing good to take out all clothes on the doctor comand. why does she choose the best underwear? I know that after tummy tuck surgeries is common to take pictures, but she promise she would not allow. So now she tells me that he did not ask, just ordered. And why does she have to take off the bra? i saw many many pictures and almost all where with the bra, and even with pants.
Ok, I have this problem but is it really only me? could not he help?
Thanks.

**Posts:** 1 · by **NewCureForAnger** » Fri Jun 17, 2016 10:32 pm

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**Posts:** 263 · by **handheart** » Sat Jun 18, 2016 6:18 am

Well i understand your anger and we also feel this way ,the majority of males .But this its the society and what you can do .But you must accept that its just a consult and the doctor makes his job

I panic over my wife ob/gyn exam

does it bother any guys that their wife/girlfreind is examined by male doctor?

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