help me get her back and sort my problem out please

**Posts:** 18 · by **blackpooolmoz** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:12 am

hi...i cant always control my anger ..but i more think of hitting out than do it .. however my fave can look angry which scares my grlfriend ... i have an on off relationship with a girl for 3 years.. she has 2 kids lots of emotional baggage and a temper when wound up ..and i manage to do that ..! we love each other to bits and are gud friends and sex is great tactile and adventurous .. whenever we move in together she eventualy finds faults ..little things and criticises me .. i end up movin out .. then soon we are back on and its great ..3 weeks ago just when things were perfect id had a bad journey to hers ,she is 250 miles away,and didnt greet her with a big smile , eventually it kicked off after a drink out at a wine bar and she heavily insulted me for an hour .. in an over blown jesture i grabbed her foot to kiss it and heard it click!! she thinks i bit her foot !! i didnt ..but i have now given her ammo to end us ..as she is afraid things mite get worse .. ive been bak for xmas but came home when she started critisingme boxing day .. i have a gr8 relationship with her kids and altho i know it sounds hard work ive had enuf relationships and sex etc to know real love and this is it ...she is very stubborn its always me that patches it up ..and talks her round..however this time it feels over and i need new tactics .. help .. my anger is better than it was but inside i still have all the classic problems when im upset and my facial expressions scare her ,,her dad use to beat her i overreact alot and get angry at things outta my circle of control but only with her or people i care about or who trust me .. and i am scared i wont be able to control myself .. shud she seek conflict again .. confused !! so am i ... help if u can but dont tell me to move on cos i dont want too .. i truly adore her and most of the time when the outside forces arnt there we are perfect .....thanks for readin my stuff anythin contructive to say ? get back to me

**Posts:** 1543 · by **fanella** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:44 pm

how is it between you when you dont live together? could it be the "cant live with her/ cant live without her" thing.............why do you feel she critisices you all the time does she really or do you just get things out of context?.....

sorry lots of questions but im trying to understand how things are on a day to day basis as you cant keep the "outside forces" away forever so this will probably keep recurring

**Posts:** 18 · by **blackpooolmoz** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 9:24 am

fanella wrote:how is it between you when you dont live together? could it be the "cant live with her/ cant live without her" thing.............why do you feel she critisices you all the time does she really or do you just get things out of context?.....

sorry lots of questions but im trying to understand how things are on a day to day basis as you cant keep the "outside forces" away forever so this will pr obably keep recurring

thankyou so much for tryin to help .. this situation is very distressing .. i have only recently won over the trust and love and friendship of her daughter .. who had been poisend against me by her dad .. we are mates and she came to myne for 3 days xmas shoppin .. a big vote of trust in my view!! ..i feel she critiz me cos of guilt of ending her prev.. relationship .. where she claims to have been used to clean up etc ..the things specific are me making too many sex demands and not waiting for her to initiate ..this is us alone in bed i must add!! i cud drip water on the floor after a shower .. !! not make the bed immed after gettn up .. etc .. i am a very tidy person and blitz my own place regular ... she has a teenage son as well and he is the worse slob ever .. but like able .. he doesnt even flush after a crap !! he is from another partner who she married and he left her while preg .. ne way gettin back ......i think she does look for faults ads this convinces her men will use her ..she is intellegent attrative and works with school kids .. not a serial bride !! but yes i do get stuff outta context sometimes and my thinkn becomes exaggerated.. but her cursing at me is real and very distructive and she knows it .. she says she loves me toobits at other times and that im so gud for her cos i challenge her thorts b4 they are actions and stop her being too impulsive...when she is on abuse mode tho its very graphic personal and full of hate .. and if i make big grovelling effort eventually she comes round .. and then says she is so sorry and im taking the blame for others that she cant shout at !! when we dont live together it aint bliss cos with two kids limited finances and 2 exes neither pay her maintainance !! both s. ermployed ..there are always issues ,. but i see our time in a few years as a happy one .. we fall out or she does on the phone .. when i do that man thing of tryn to solve her probs with actions words or money .. when she just wants an ear .. but most of the time we text each nite loving words and make plans for next time we are together ...when she visits me im nr bpool.. with or without kids !! we have a grt time and she is so relaxed .and our friendshp intimacy and sex etc is so gud..when i go down to her it is often stressy and many times ive come home earlier or in the nite ..cos i think all her issues are so more real down in bourne mouth ..i know this sounds hard work but ive met the person who does it for me and im using our times alone in bed when i read to her or she massages me or we just talk when i am down there ... and when we are up here we are hedonistic .. meals out with or without kids family visit to funfair .. the kids bring a friend each sometimes ....helps us be us !!as a guide to our future .. and future happines sometimes she sees it the same way .. right now we are over .. and i want to rekindle our friendship cos its too special too throw away ... ps im a chatterbox i know !!!

**Posts:** 18 · by **blackpooolmoz** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 12:33 pm

fanella wrote:how is it between you when you dont live together? could it be the "cant live with her/ cant live without her" thing.............why do you feel she critisices you all the time does she really or do you just get things out of context?.....

sorry lots of questions but im trying to understand how things are on a day to day basis as you cant keep the "outside forces" away forever so this will probably keep recurring

hi ..that anger came back this morning ... cos this situation is outta my control... i hated everyone i saw this morning ... whats wrong with me .. they all looked so together ..in the bank the shops ....i hated them wanted to push em over ..how dare they be ok when im not ... on reflection thats what i thort ... and im so frustrated my girl or maybe not has this control over me .... she hung up on me on the 30th .. and hasnt phoned ... her 11 year old daughter textd me happy new year and has rung or textd most days ..will or does she hate me more cos her daughter has a gud friendship with me !! why doesnt she patch it up life is too short for this crap... im was so so upset ...angry ...im calmer now .. and logic says i was stupid to have those thorts but im 6 ft 2 ... fit and i must seem scarey when im like that .... they were only thorts tho .... but it worries me to feel so destructive ...

**Posts:** 18 · by **blackpooolmoz** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:02 pm

fanella wrote:how is it between you when you dont live together? could it be the "cant live with her/ cant live without her" thing.............why do you feel she critisices you all the time does she really or do you just get things out of context?.....

sorry lots of questions but im trying to understand how things are on a day to day basis as you cant keep the "outside forces" away forever so this will probably keep recurring

fanella ..or any one else with a interesting opinion. ... would hypnotherapy help do u think ... if it is over i need to lose the guilt .. this was an accident ,.... and i suppose this girl is used to being let down since she was 6 ... i can tell more if it helps with opinions

**Posts:** 1543 · by **fanella** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:11 pm

hi sorry that your still not feeling too good about this i cant advise on hypnotherapy as i havent tried it but im sure that anything thats offered to you could be of some help you need to try it and see its good that your recognising all the problems/issues that you have with yourself and im sure with the proper help you need you can become a much better person . leave the relationship to one side work on yourself then when the time is right and you feel improved you can maybe think about re starting the relationship with the knowledge and also the proof that your a changed person (its easy to say your gonna change etc but harder to do it i know i been there so putting in the effort to do this will be a big plus for any future relationships that you have)

**Posts:** 18 · by **blackpooolmoz** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:33 pm

fanella wrote:hi sorry that your still not feeling too good about this i cant advise on hypnotherapy as i havent tried it but im sure that anything thats offered to you could be of some help you need to try it and see its good that your recognising all the problems/issues that you have with yourself and im sure with the proper help you need you can become a much better person . leave the relationship to one side work on yourself then when the time is right and you feel improved you can maybe think about re starting the relationship with the knowledge and also the proof that your a changed person (its easy to say your gonna change etc but harder to do it i know i been there so putting in the effort to do this will be a big plus for any future relationships that you have)

wow... thats good advice sounds like u know me or u have been near to where i am now ....that is why i am happy to live apart ... i didnt use to be .. but ... being apart allows me to try and deal with my problems..without further loading the case of my ex / grlfriend ....i will try hard to focus on resolving my issues and in the meantime hope she missis me .. any more thorts please share them

**Posts:** 1543 · by **fanella** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:52 pm

hi glad to help think its good to get someone elses opinions on things sometimes as an outsider looking in can always see things that you maybe cant im sure by doing all you are to change things your going to get a lot further in relationships even if its not with this person, your going to go into your next relationship with a lot more insight and a better outlook on life

help me get her back and sort my problem out please

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