I need help in dealing with losing

Dear Fourdazee,

Oh, this is an easy one!

I had the same problem.

It is like your Life if a Movie and you Think You Need to be Dramatic.

This may source from all of those stupid and formulamatic TV and Movie Screen plays you been subjected to all of your Life. You never realized that Real Life is Never supposed to be like Drama.

There is a Historic Parallel... Raymond Chandler, one of the Great Pioneers in American Detective Fiction, once said that Mobsters used to be Nice and Polite like everybody else, until the Movies turned them into Caricatures, and then suddenly they all became 'Tough Guys'.

Maybe you are doing much the same thing... you are Acting Out what you Expect your behavior should be.

As I said, I used to do the same thing myself.... but mostly it was when I had an Audience.... and that was my clue... I was acting differently for Other People than for myself. But, your case may be different. You may be Observing Yourself Objectively.... thinking of your Life as a Recorded Drama. You Might EXPECT Drama from yourself.

Your are what they call in the Psychological Community, a Drama Queen.

Yes, you will have to read up and study a few books on the subject,.... but they will tell you basically that you need to wake up and see the World as it is.... Drama is just a bunch of Exaggerated Crap designed to sell Theater Tickets. Just look at how well it goes for the Characters in Plays and Movies... they mostly end up Dead, no?

So, well, its a long road ahead of you, but you should learn how to just say "Ooops", get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle, and Ride On.... as though Nothing Happened.

Thank you for posting Leo!

First of all it`s great to receive such a different point of view to the issue, than what I´ve come to think of so far.
The thing is, what you are saying makes perfect sense even tough I really hate drama. I perceive drama simply as a really useless way of being difficulty with other people. You can get your way through without pulling it off.
My mind could be a drama queen, or I could subconsciously be a drama queen who just hates drama, without me even recognizing it. It sounds funny but makes sense in certain way.

Also what you said about having a certain image of how everything should be also fits in. It was almost scary when you wrote about perceiving my life as a movie, that is exactly what I always tell people! My life is like a movie, and that`s one reason I love it. But I have always connected it to different things, like being an adrenaline junkie and a person of action.
However I have never tought mimicing any tv-series or movies would have this outcome and I`m still not thinking like that because that was a new connection point, but who knows again if that happens on subconscious level. It makes sense for me what you said because I live by goals, visions and plans. Whatever I do, I have a certain vision about how it`s going to pan out, what are the plan b`s, c`s d`s and so on. I`m unable to do something without already seeing steps and patterns on how to reach a certain outcome.

Your post made me think about 2 new aspects; My mind being a drama queen without me knowing it, and if my visions and expectations are one reason why I get angry; I keep expecting too much from myself?

You wrote:
"you should learn how to just say "Ooops", get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle, and Ride On.... as though Nothing Happened."
Is that really so simple? If you had this issue, what were the key points for you to go through a chance? or did you?

4dvz wrote:I never rage or intentionally show it if I`m around people but you can definitely see it in my face that I`m doing my best not to burst.

If I categorize myself as having a low self esteem, it fails because I`m happy with who I am and I would say I have been successful in life.

You need to consider taking a closer look at the issue of self-esteem. Your anger is rooted in a fight or flight response. Confronted with a threat, fight/flight is a natural response. It triggers adrenaline, cortisol, an increase in testosterone.

We don't only fear physical danger, we also fear the bruising of ego. This is hard wired into our DNA as we are social animals. Confronted with danger, some flee while others fight. You see losing in arenas of your ego to be the same as needing to confront an actual threat. Your mind cannot tell the difference, triggering all the physiological responses consistent with fight/flight.

How you do you overcome a fight/flight response? You build your self-confidence.

Consider fields that deal with the fight/flight response, including the military, police, fire, athletes, public speaking, etc. How does one become capable of operating in such environments without either running away or going ape and scorching the earth? The answer is deliberate training that helps build self-confidence. They train for the inevitable fight/flight response. Under pressure, they respond appropriately because of having developed their skills, increasing confidence and therefore being more comfortable in that environment. The underlying fight/flight is still there, but it is harnessed or managed.

You know the environments you need to work on. Develop deliberate skills to deal with fight/flight and this will increase your confidence. The next time you lose a hand, your energy will turn to action employing the skill, implementing the strategy. Just this will at a minimum lessen your inappropriate reactions.

4dvz wrote:Thank you for posting Leo!

You wrote:
"you should learn how to just say "Ooops", get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle, and Ride On.... as though Nothing Happened."

Is that really so simple? If you had this issue, what were the key points for you to go through a chance? or did you?

Oh My God, FourDeeze, but Did you just Open Up an Embarrassing Can of Worms... but Most Posters ignore my Advice, and I feel you must get Some Reward.

Here it is... I am about to bare my soul.

Many Decades ago, because of all the Recessions, one after another, I joint the Army, and the Army shipped me Off for a year or more... Armies do that... But I was Extremely Faithful. So when I was given Leave to come back home for a Moment or Two, well, I was going to be very pleased to see my Girl Friend.

But, when I got there, well, I felt a bit Too Pleased already. But then she excused herself to get into something a bit more comfortable. Well, I didn't want to just Explode when she came back, and so I decided the best course of action would be just Whip Off a Quick One.

There I was just in the process of "Whipping Off a Quick One" when all of My and Her Friends and Family leaped up from behind the Furniture to Surprise Me! Well, 'Surprise Me' they certainly did. Thank God I had already been through So Many Embarrassing Moments in Life. I hiked up my pants and pulled up my zipper and said "Oh My, you caught me adjusting my trousers. ITS SO WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU ALL! IT IS SO GOOD TO BE HOME WITH ALL OF MY BELOVED FRIENDS.... HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN... etc, etc, etc.

To get off the ground, and dust yourself off, and get back on the horse... well, that is all you have to do.

You don't yell and scream at the ground. You don't yell and scream at the Horse... because maybe it mistook a stick for a rattlesnake, sometimes you just have to trust your horse... The Best Thing to do is to, well, pull up your Pants, and Pretend It Never Happened. and go on as usual.

Of course there will be Stories, and it will create something of a Family Legend. But in all of these Stories... well, You will be the one who comes out the Hero, for being so well poised.

And it is true. At Family re-unions.... I had married that girl... I get me more than fair share of smiles, but everyone seems to Love Me beyond Reserve.

the Trick to Life is to Behave Properly and Pleasantly at All Times.

You're Playing Poker. You Go All In. You Lose. You Smile, you meet the eyes of the Winner, and then you Laugh Gleefully and reach across the table to Shake Hands and praise your Opponent for playing with Such Masterful Skill. You look at your Watch and excuse yourself... "Oh my! Its getting so late"... then you go out and sell your Designer Swede Jacket to the Door Man for enough money to cover the Cab Ride Home. this Won't Hurt You. It will make you a Legend!

Getting Dramatically Pissed off, well, that is Only To Be Expected.

Don't Do what is Expected. Go Up a Notch or Two.

You can Still Be a Drama Queen, BUT, aim for the Higher Level.

Don't be Burlesque or Vaudeville. Go for Broadway!.... one of those parts with a Classy English Accent. And the Audience will clap as though they are looking up from the Bottom Slope of Mount Olympus at a Virtual God... or Goddess.