circles getting smaller

I have two older sisters and brother. one sister, we'll call her #2, has always been a control freak. No matter what we plan, say or do, she will change it. doesnt matter if you simply suggest coffee, she would say tea.

None of my family had kids except for me and my wife. My sister would say shes showing up at noon with my wife and our daughter but not get there until 3 or 4 when my wife was ready to leave but she would stay and not say anything.

it took years but we finally understood why #2 was so hard to be with and when we got onto her things changed. At one point, in our house, she called my wife a bully (because she was one of the only peeple that would stand up to #2). she said "we ALL think youre a bully" meaning the other sister, my brother and 2's boyfriend, which is not true. but the rest dont want to get involved. They are all older than us and will not tro to go against 2. sister 1 is widowed, so she has no one else and my brother who is older is pathetic. 2 is like his mother! makes me sick and of course #2's BF has to stay with her right? Whats he gonna do.

So there was a confrontation and 2 left in a huff. Thinking I could fix things, I called her back on her cell phone. 2 and my wife made up but it was not real and I asked 2, "if not for me callin you back, would have you come? and she admitted no.

Its been a few years. We have since stopped going to functions such as Christmas, new years, birthdays etc but the aunties keep buying things for our kids and we felt that we should not deny them this relationship since its got nothing to do with them.

However, #2 has taken our kids on days like Christmas day and thanksgiving etc. My wife cries. I dont know what to do. We really can't tell the kids they cannot see thier aunts. Now our daughter is 20 and moved out a year ago and son is 16 so they can really do what they want.

Shes very involved with our daughters life still especially, not as much with our son but enough. #2 coddles our daughter so much, she has not built up a strong self being. #2 put her in swimming lessons without even asking us! 2 decide when daughter was little, that she would be a lifeguard. 2 decided taht daughter would go to college and be a veterinarian. 2 decided all kinds of things which daughter ended up trying and failing at each one. Not her thing. 2 pushed and pushed her. Daughter stayed at 2s house and had breakdowns and cut herself! but 2 thinks shes a f***ing angel and only trying to help.

#2 would do this to our dad all the time, say she would show at 3 and not get there till 6. We told dad, "go without her" but he would not because he knew 2 would get pissed and not talk to him for a week until HE apologized! This is what an a**hole 2 is.

My wife feels she is demanded as a parent, hates my family. Myself, I feel very alone. I don't have any friends I can call friends. My daughter moved out and my son, I feel I cant talk to him. Wife and I are stable at best. Some days I lye in bed thinking what it would be like to be dead. Peaceful. I wouldn't kill myself. I just wonder you know? Yes, I see a psychologist but they don't say much. The most hes offered is that you need a plan. Great thanks.

How do you handle this?