Advise on my cannabis-feeling trapped

Postby jc101 » Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:08 pm

Hi
Im finding things really hard currently and not knowing what to do...

I have been smoking cannabis since the age of 15,i am now 28,i have smoked it nearly everyday,early on i smoked 24/7 the consumption untill about 22 when it was just evenings as realized i could not function at all in normal life and cut it down,consumption has gone up and down but has been a constant in my life, .(there has been times i have cut down and was because i know it causes me so many problems and felt the need to change it,and wanted to give up..now and again i have had a few weeks break and felt much better for it)...cannabis has made me socially anxious, unmotivated in general life, a dull cba feeling is the best way to describe it...and depressed the more i smoke it...

Me and my gf got together 3.5 years ago and now i only smoke in the evenings from about 6pm/7pm after my misses gets home and just before dinner (tbh its not really my evening time as i dont get up at 12pm,and takes me hours to get motivated just to get out of bed so really 1/2pm ish to have coffee and cereals)for quite a long time maybe 2years i have been in this routine and would love to change it and feel the need to once and for all change it but always feel so tired and unmotivated/depressed) i have started two businesses in this routine and within weeks they where real successes making a good weekly wage, but before long motivation dwindled and evenly lost them both due not caring and just started to live from my misses wage.

we both smoke btw.
she smokes it as it helps her IBS greatly(admittedly this is mostly in the mornings for her ibs and rest of the time is recreation) she is a heavy smoker (in the evening she will happily smoke a bong then a joint straight away she and if we are talking she may even roll a second joint within 10/20 mins of the last)and if she did't have to work would be smoking it from the moment she wakes up to when she goes to bed and would be stoned every second of everyday if she could....she does now give it a break on her days off due to me talking about my problems with cannabis to her but only for a couple of hours,she always has a smoke first thing in the morning and she does try to wait as long as she can untill having another,if she goes 4/5 hours without a smoke on her day off she will say "i have done really well with not smoking,im gonna treat myself for doing so well dont you agree?"...i reply "kind of,or yes i suppose you have",as for her its really good but in general not very good and i am probably to soft and haven't got the heart to say "no not really"


I love this girl and cant imagine things without her and we talk about starting a different life,having kids etc,but i desperately want to finally get away from cannabis and start living some kind of more rewarding life (i currently have no friends due to being more interested in getting stoned than socializing and the same with her,and i have stopped all hobbies and work due to this depression)...

Im struggling quitting living with someone who smokes constantly.....i have have stopped for a day or two while being around her smoking and felt really good and proud for it but i soon give in to temptation to smoke again.

I have talked to her many times about wanting to give up and been very open and honest about how important it is for me and why etc and that cutting down is not possible for me and that i need to just stop it. ....all she really says is best you do something about it and she would and does want to give up but cant in this situation. her words where last night "i would give up but i don't want to go to work all day and come home and have nothing to do i need something,how am i meant to distress myself how am i meant to relax,until things change i don't want/cant stop"....
i do kind of get what she is saying as she works 40 hours a week in a stressful retail environment and i don't really do anything myself,but also get that alot of people work in stressful places and don't need to smoke so desperately and have learned to distress in other ways but she is adamant weed is the only thing that can help her .

im struggling to know how or what I/we can change without giving up the weed first ...

I cant bring myself to say you have to give up if not im going to leave as weed does help her IBS and that would be unfair for me to do....but im feeling weed comes first before me or are life together....



after writing this down and reading this it seem obvious there is not much advise that can be given to my situation but im going to post it anyway and see what other think...

anyway thanks for reading my ramblings...
jc101
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#1

Postby quietvoice » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:18 pm

For the IBS:
Change the diet; find on YouTube the robertmorsend channel, and also the John Rose channel.

For you quitting weed:
Move out of there. You'll need to distance yourself from people who smoke, as you say that you're susceptible to temptations. However, it sounds like your girlfriend is supporting you?

For her saying things need to change for her to change:
Change starts from the inside, from our thinking and the resulting emotions. Recognize that habitual actions stem from habitual thought patterns. Learn that thoughts are just thoughts, and they don't have to be believed in, they can pass on by and be replaced with other thoughts. Develop healthy thought habits. There are plenty of resources on the internet and elsewhere to help with this.
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#2

Postby Wolfie2000 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:57 pm

Hey jc101 :D

First off, thanks for sharing your story with us! You have no idea how many people are in a similar situation like yours (including myself). I have recently stopped smoking myself, I am 29 and I have been smoking since I was 17.

Your head is in the right place, my man. I am just now reaching 7 days cannabis free, and I can already feel an incredible clarity.

Your description of how you feel on a day to day basis is bang on. It is a trap. Like a mental loop stuck on replay day to day. Fortunately for you, those feelings can be treated and things can and will get better if you choose to quit the bud. :D

As a fellow business owner myself, I can feel your pain. Business requires so much of our energy and focus. you are the not the first person to let weed get to you like that and you won't be the last. But you are here, asking for help and that my friend is absolutely an incredible first step to doing better. This is an incredible community of people who care about each other.

You sound sincere in your admission of this and you also sound like you care very much about your miss. My gf also smokes on a daily basis but fear not, there are ways that you both can help overcome this and here are some tips from me and my short experience.

quietvoices advice is very valid, one of the best ways to remove something from your life is to distance yourself from it, but in this case that might be a little extreme, however not farfetched. Distancing yourself form something you wish to avoid does not necessarily have to be so far that you never see each other again. for me and my gf, I have asked her to smoke on our back deck, without even mentioning it to me. So far it's working. She will see when I am highly concentrated on an activity where I won't notice her being gone and goes and hits a quick bong or she will take the dogs out herself and have a quick smoke (she is also trying hard to quit herself) She is an accountant and her job is also very stressful, so I can totally appreciate what your miss is going thru. retail is extremely stressful. but there are things that you can do to make things easier for her.

You mentioned that she has to deal with IBS, that is unfortunate. But you can also take proactive steps to be the one that creates an alternative healthy lifestyle for both of you. quietvoice is correct, IBS can be greatly reduced with the right diet - and it sounds like you are in a position to be the one that can help her with that. Perhaps while she is at work, research some recipes that help calm the IBS and prepare her an amazing meal when she gets home.
This will help her with stress by 1) coming home to a healthy meal she did not have to prepare herself after a long day at work (there is nothing like coming home to a meal) and 2) it will give show her that you truly deeply care about this relationship and you care about her health.You will be amazed at how a little bit of action is perceived by others. She will see that you are taking steps to make things better for both of you, and those feelings will reciprocate to her.

Another activity I found to be extremely rewarding is getting active. I signed up to the gym where we have many classes, bikes, and other activities in a group that make being active fun (and even made some new friends). These activities will take both your minds off of the smoke, it will give you HUGE shots of endorphins (something that weed is doing for you right now) but with much-noticed benefits. you will both feel better, look better and you will be happy that you are doing an activity together that is not cannabis related. :D

The most important thing when quitting weed is activity. When the mind is bored it wanders to the old habit. It wanders to help relieve itself of that boredom. You can fill your time with being the one that takes the first step towards a healthier, happier lifestyle. you can replace the endorphin cause pattern with weed with physical activity, you will literally sweat the weed out.

Depending on where you live, you may also suggest to your gf to talk to her doctor and see if she can get THC prescribed as a pill (yes its out there) it has very similar health effects that of Cannabis THC but without the smoke, it can help reduce the IBS discomfort. But diet is your best bet.

I hope this has helped you out, I know it's a long ready. Don't ever feel like you cant come here and make a post. I would not be able to produce such detailed answer for you a week ago, I promise you that, I would have just said **** it and went and got stoned. But not today. Not after quitting, it's a battle I'm determined to win and so far I am WINNING! :D and so can you. Feel free to post here daily if you have to about your progress I will always respond (or try my best to) but remember the most important thing is to be proactive in your activity and approach to this, become a leader in this quitting thing and she will follow. Good luck my friend!

PS: If int he first few days you feel like you can't sleep, go for a run or head to a kids park and do some pull-ups, do a pushup - anything to get yourself tired and get some natural endorphins going. You will be AMAZED at how well you feel and how quickly you will get tired!

EDIT: Unfortunately I am a new user and I not allowed to post direct links to simple homemade recipes, but a quick google of "Easy, simple IBS recipes" brings up pages upon pages of ideas.
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#3

Postby Andrewske2 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 5:06 am

Try bringing home some beer or a nice wine and relax like that honestly man if you got to get out of there if you would have expressed this to the one that you love and she just says I can't then it's never going to happen no matter how close you are with someone you cannot change them they have to want to change themselves cliche I know maybe take her out to dinner and have a serious serious conversation where she can't run and hide and smoke immediately when she gets home say what's going on to dinner right now no I have reservations don't even let her smoke get to dinner have a nice wine and honestly you have to give her an ultimatum but you have to be strong to you can't go back start with just like 2 days off a week make that commitment with her just throwing it out there man who knows anything
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