Borderline personality disorder

Lillove wrote: I'm in med school

How old are you and how long have you been in med school? Is it possible that your stress would lower if instead of placing unnecessary stress on yourself, you went to work at a pet store and used the money from work to leave home?

My guess, based on the very little information you’ve provided, that your parents (home) has placed expectations on you that has developed into stress and other health issues.

I'm 22, been here for almost 4 years. Here the course duration is 5.5 yrs. Unfortunately women aren't allowed to live by themselves in my country. Yes, there has been a lot of pressure but i really want to be a doctor, my mental health isn't the most supportive. I feel extremely guilty and suicidal, they were my babies, my responsibility and i let them die. I am a monster, i don't deserve to have pets.

Lillove wrote:,,,i really want to be a doctor....

What type of doctor? Why?

How big is your family? What do your parents do? How about your brothers and sisters?

I feel extremely guilty and suicidal, they were my babies, my responsibility and i let them die. I am a monster, i don't deserve to have pets.

You live with family. You do not live alone. So how did the pets die? Why did your parents or brothers or sisters not take care of the pets?

Borderline Personality Disorder isn't a diagnosis I personally find that helpful. In clinical terms it means the patient "borders" the onset of a concretely defined condition. For example, Schizoid Disorder is the more stable, non psychotic "in between" condition that stops short of Schizophrenia. It could become Schizophrenia after some catalyst such as trauma or infection. Yet nobody knows if such a development will take place.
Personally, in this situation I'd be asking what condition is the subject bordering.
Non psychotic conditions (known as post or pre-psychotic) tend to be pathological - showing symptoms like phobia, obsession, mood disorders and anxiety - but not delusional. The patient may avoid reality but still knows what reality is.
The psychotic condition involves clear loss of reality, delusions and hallucinations.

The loss of pets for some of us is indeed traumatic. I lost my GSD aged 13 and was tormented by guilt. I too blamed myself. I haven't been able to have another dog since because it feels disloyal to me. I have an image of my dog and best friend seeing me somehow with another dog and feeling lost to me. And yet, because my dog loved to chase cats, somehow I feel I could home a cat, or a bird. I even have rescued injured pigeons.
If it helps, even if you feel bad none of us is superman. We can't always live up to what we would have preferred.