Hey. Ok, so I understand that this subject could upset some people but it is a genuine problem that I have and I'd really appreciate any of your insight into the matter.
So I've been exclusively dating this girl for several weeks now and she recently brought up the subject of previous relationships. I wish she had never brought the subject up because i was totally happy never knowing but she did. Now, I've always had a problem discussing this stuff with my previous (first) girlfriend due to insecurity and jealousy issues, but I felt that I had turned a corner with this current girl as I didn't really feel the same way anymore (mainly due to her not being my first, like the previous girlfriend was).
Anyway, so the discussion continued and she told me that her last boyfriend was while she was in Africa. So curiosity got the better of me and I, assuming it was another foreigner, asked about him. That was when she told me it was a local guy and she had been with him for two years until they broke up after he cheated on her. My heart dropped and my stomach became knotted. I am ashamed to say that if it was a white guy then I would have been totally ok with their relationship, but the fact that it was a black african really bothers me and i dont know why. Ive searched my mind for answers and ive only drawn up blanks, but it is a very real, very visceral feeling that I am finding it hard to contain.
I still really like this girl but all the time images come to my mind of her with this big black african guy and its driving me insane. Ive now started worrying about my own health because we have had unprotected sex and this guy is basically from the aids/std capital of the world....and the fact that he cheated on her means he cant exactly be trusted when it comes to that area. I dont consider myself a racist, but am willing to accept that perhaps there is a deep subconscious part of me that is that is making me feel this way.
I totally realise this is a problem solely in my psyche, but i just cant figure out how to fix it.
I dont want to lose her or drive her away as I think she is amazing and I want more than anything to stop feeling this way.
Thanks for any help, and please dont be too harsh.