How to overcome anger caused by provocation or harassment?

Dear Carla,

Good Luck.

being angry at people and blaming people feels good. confronting people feels good. then you can feel righteous about how right you are and how wrong they were to wrong you! churning the thoughts over in your mind about how everyone mistreats you and about life is so unfair.

but what feels good in the moment is not always the same as what is good for us in the long run. it's easy to get carried away on a river of emotions.

Hi Leo,

I understand... this is too difficult for you and for some therapists out there who like easy cases...

I would be interested to know how you would have reacted/overcome psychological harassment from your boss...
Or when some nasty employees hurt you with words...wisely and without a trace so that HR does not suspect anything!

I reacted with anger last time, some people just hurt/blame themselves and fall into a depression...
It is funny to observe that when an employee hurts himself, that is OK but he/she should not hurt the company...Oh my God, what a sin!
Carla

Dear Carla,

You ask me how I would Act? I told you in Thousands of Words how I would Recommend Acting, and I have seen enough Instances in my recent Life where I have Met such Challenges and Kept my Cool, so that I have the Confidence and Certainty to Tell the People Here what I tell them... to Tell You what I have told you.

But, now you See how I react when a New Poster, coming here presumably to ask Advice, takes eventually to totally disregarding me, and even vociferously contradicting me, and doing so in a manner that borders on contemptuous insult. If a Person can't even Control themselves on an Anger Management Page, and Continues to Argue for the Absolute Necessity of Always Acting Crazy whenever the Urge Prompts... citing Justification after Justification for Everything they are Doing that is Ruining their Lives... well, the Wisdom there for all of Us Helpers on the Page is to simply know when One has Tried Hard Enough, and that one must expect a few Abject Failures along the Way, while simply hoping that the Next Time a Person asks for Advice, he or she will have the good sense to listen to it.

I can see that now you are insulting me! You are useless, sorry!
I don't believe that you had the same challenges as mine because you have no sympathy! You had easy ones, that is why you are here and not fighting in a workplace where these b* can simply do whatever they like without being punished!
Bye now + take care
CB

Leo Volont wrote:...the Wisdom there for all of Us Helpers on the Page is to simply know when One has Tried Hard Enough, and that one must expect a few Abject Failures along the Way,...

Exactly. I basically see two types:

-1- Those that come into a forum asking for help, but without them having to actually change. They want advice that helps them maintain their world view, but still solve their problem. They want to overcome being out of shape, but not if it requires they change the way they behave. No matter what advice is provided, they have an excuse why it is not possible.

-2- Those that come into the forum to seek sympathy and vent. They may pretend to be asking a question, but really they just want others to agree with their point of view. Misery loves company, so some use forums to try and find like minded individuals that will be more than willing to lend an ear.

In either case it is a waste of time, but of course it is usually impossible to tell based on the first post.

I am glad you are supporting your mate. Again, this is OK if you cannot help. Help out there has a price but is not impossible for those who can afford it!
Rgds, CB

Carla2016 wrote:...Help out there has a price but is not impossible for those who can afford it!...

Lol. Keep believing money is the solution, see how that works out for you. You think Mike Tyson didn't have the best therapists money can buy? How about Michael Jackson, Robin Williams, name any number of famous celebrities either dead from suicide or with anger issues. Money solves the problem...ha, ha, ha...good one.

The people - you mentioned Rich' - were lonely...not angry.

My session with a therapist and a pastor were great. I had a good laugh and a good time. They understand the pain that I am going through

The pastor was right, the devil has ruined my life. The therapist said that I should protect myself at work.

I also feel better since I received a very good feedback from the legal expert who reports to the judge. He said that I have done a good work. I am a legal carer. I have been looking after my sick brother since 2000.

I will never give up fighting, I deserve to have a long career and to be happy professionally.
On Monday, a key customer of my previous employer decided not to employ me after getting a bad reference during a meeting. I am trying to get some evidence to take legal actions. The ex-employer has been damaging my reputation since March. I am unable to find a job in the same industry again...
They will pay for what they did, I swear. Once I get a job, I will find a lawyer.

From the bad girl...

Mike Tyson doesn't have anger issues? Lol. He bit a guy's ear off, he beat his wife. Okay, believe whatever you like.

Once you get a job you will find a lawyer? That is not how the legal system works. If you had a case that was profitable, lawyers would be scrambling to help you. They take a percentage of the damages, e.g. they sue on your behalf and when the company has to pay you $XXX,XXX they take 35%.

If you give any lawyer a dime, it is an idiotic move. They only take money when you have a weak a** case where the potential damages are limited or don't exist. When you have a case, they will wine and dine you.

Why do you think I don't have a case?
Damaging a reputation is normal for you?
My ex-employer has fired 20 employees within 12 months. I have never bad mouthed them in court or in a job interview. Of course, for you this is a normal employer...you are on their side...the employee of the month, hey?

It is a shame that you think badly of people who suffer in companies..."Mr squeaky clean"
Oh I applaud Mike Tyson. I wish I did this back in March.

You know if I had a gun, I would be happy to dash one morning in the office and shoot my ex-manager and the b* who triggered my resignation. Truth is they both have psychological problems - The Production manager has been in hospital for 5 months after a burnout and also because he wanted to impose new strategies which were rejected by the boss. He begged the boss to take him back...in another dpt. How frustrating! He told me on the phone once how much he envied my position...
You see Rich' miserable, jealous and unhappy people can become dangerous... I am the opposite in my personal life. There is an old saying in my country: "Never stir mud, you might get dirty"...I wish I didn't!
I dared confronting him...for the sake of our customers...

Carla2016 wrote:Why do you think I don't have a case?

I didn't say you didn't. I said that if you did, you don't need money to hire a lawyer.

You see Rich' miserable, jealous and unhappy people can become dangerous....

Which is why smart companies fire these people sooner rather than later. It is better to get rid of them as soon as you figure out they are such a person.

Hi Mr Smart,

First, I don't live in the UK and the legal system is different here.
Second, I totally disagree with you about
"Which is why smart companies fire these people sooner rather than later. It is better to get rid of them as soon as you figure out they are such a person" THAT IS THE OPPOSITE...Ask your friend Leo who has been fired many times.
The key customer (MD) -who has interviewed me twice for 3 hours- told me himself that it was not normal for a company to sack 20 employees within a year.
Smart company? You mean my ex? Oh God...please Rich' we will leave it there. For an Expert in this forum, I find your comments very defensive and childish...it is a shame!
My therapist is doing a better job. So next lesson is "How to deal with saboteurs at work?" So excited to be next week

Take care mate
Bye now
C

Carla2016 wrote:My therapist is doing a better job.

I should hope so. Your therapist is getting paid and is trained. I'm just having fun in a public forum. It would be a sad state if your therapist was not better at providing therapy than me, lol.

And why do you think you are going to a therapist? So they can inform you how productive and helpful your beliefs are about how to find and keep a job? No. You are going to a therapist, because what you believe is not working out for you very well. It isn't working for you in your work life, it obviously doesn't work in here, and I doubt it is working very well in your personal life. What you want to believe is getting you fired, repeatedly. That is why you are in therapy.

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
.....Which is why smart companies fire these people sooner rather than later. It is better to get rid of them as soon as you figure out they are such a person.

Dear Richard,

Oh, yes, you are indeed correct about the Vindictiveness of almost Any and Every Company or Corporate Entity that exists in the World today. Even in the United States where there are distinct Laws propounded to protect “Whistle Blowers”, the Companies have found a way to put even Those Laws to good use in carrying out their Revenge against Employees whom they see more as “Rats, Squealers and Troublemakers” than as ‘Whistleblowers’. I heard of One ‘Whistle Blower’ who, after a successful Lawsuit complained that the Company ‘Posted an Apology’. You would think that a Strange Complaint, considering the circumstances, no? But it seems that what the company did was add a Page to their Corporate Site, in which they issued a profuse Apology for not having had heeded the Employees valid and justified complaints against her direct supervisor and the Company’s Management, and even commended her for her tenacity in persevering through years of litigation to achieve her well-deserved vindication and Re-instatement. But the Company didn’t just leave it at that! They Paid all of the Big Search Engine Companies to Prioritize that Page in any search of that employees name… if somebody ‘googled’ “(Employee’s Name) Mother of the Year”, well, up would pop that Corporate Letter of Apology, thus notifying anybody who ever googled her name that she was a World Class Troublemaker.

Anyway, maybe it would be Worth It, if one could get enough Monetary Damages to retire on. But finding another comparable Job would be most profoundly difficult. And the Idea of being Re-Instated is entirely illusory, for though the person might get the Job Title back and the Salary back, the Company will almost certainly re-arrange the Corporate Operations Flow Chart to by-pass your desk. The Person would probably find herself tasked to write One tiresome Report after another which would likely be trashed without ever being read. And then there is the extreme likelihood of being Dismissed for Just Cause. For instance, if the Person made a Phone Call to her child’s School Nurse, she would be written up for making a “personal call on company time”; if the person used two staples instead of just one, she would be written up for “misappropriating Company Resources”, and such ‘Just Cause’ Infractions would continue to pile up until finally the person’s Folder would be big and fat enough to Justify Termination. And What a Stirring Recommendation THAT would be in one’s Resume!

You see, Companies are the Modern Tribes, and Individuals are simply not permitted to Stand against the Tribe. In exchange for our Wages or Salary the Companies expect not only your Labor but also, or even especially, your Loyalty…. Loyalty even if the Company has no qualms at all about Laying you Off the moment Corporate Profits dip from 5% to 4.9. The Bosses Have the Power and they are Ruthless in how they wield it, and if you are not a Boss, then you are a Slave – it may be an Ugly Truth, but it IS the Truth, and the Wisdom of the Situation would be that One Must Live With It… or choose to be Born Independently Wealthy…