Unable To Speak In Large Crowds

I'm rather shy. And when it comes to crowds larger than a group of three people in total, I'm unable to voice my opinion - mainly because I am largely outspoken - I was wondering if this is something that will date back to a previous experience or memory that I've suppressed deep within my mind, or if it's just as common as the every day allergy. I'm afraid of offending someone and being "chewed out" by the rest of the group, I assume. And really don't get why when I've something to say, I forget it within seconds while the conversation continues and I await for an appropriate gap between words so that I can voice my opinion. Also, I have a large dislike toward yelling and telling people how I really feel their actions will affect the current, or future situation(s).Does anyone have any tips or anything that could help me learn to be more apparent and interactive in large crowds. This would help with not only every day life, but my schooling as well. Any tips are welcome, and I've an open mind to try what I can to practice public speaking in larger groups.

Sorry for my bad language. It agree, it is a remarkable piece

It sounds like an issue of confidence. If you can work on your self-confidence, you'll have an easier time knowing when to interject, knowing what is appropriate to say and how to say it.

Hi,

I, too, have experienced what you describe. I am an introvert but have learned over the years to extrovert in certain situations when I want or need to. Although I have learned to overcome this uncomfortable feeling of speaking in crowds, I still get the initial feelings in a large group to keep silent, observe, don't speak unless there is a polite break in the conversation. This is especially true with a group of people I don't know very well.

One of my first wake up calls regarding how keeping silent could actually hurt me was in my first real job out of college at AT&T. I was turned down for a promotion because I "didn't speak up" in a meeting. My boss had said that he knew that I had information that could contribute to what the team was discussing but I just sat quietly and didn't share what I knew. Boy was I confused and angry, because I thought I was acting politely and not just talking to hear myself talk (as many people in business meetings often do).

Since I was intent on getting that promotion the next time around, I knew I had to work on communication. Obviously I was sending signals I wasn't ready for a promotion, but I knew in my heart I was ready. I took several public speaking courses, but I found that my own analysis of my own actions was the biggest help.

First, I came to accept myself as an introvert. There are a lot of wonderful advantages of being this way. I learned to feel confident in my abilities as an introvert (being introspective, laser concentration, a good listener, etc).

Normally, even today, when I feel the uneasy feeling in a crowd, I don't necessarily fight my natural instinct to stay quiet. After all, I still want to be polite by not interrupting others or speaking out of turn, or risk having people jump down my throat. My natural instinct is to observe and get a lay of the land at first. And that's ok. In fact, that's a positive. I feel confident in my ability to take in what's going on in the group, the subject, the personalities, the tone of the conversation, etc. A lot of people are full of hot air, but when I have something to say, it's usually well received.

I assessed when I was comfortable or not in different situations. Was it only with certain types of people? or certain subject matters? or the location (work or social)? or all of the above? I reflected on how my actions may be different in each of these scenarios (e.g. with people I know well vs. people I've just met). Maybe you could assess whether you always feel the way you do in all situations, or are there certain situations where you feel absolutely comfortable speaking up. And then look at what you do differently in those situations and how your comments and opinions are received by the group.

In a group where I felt most uneasy (group of strangers), I usually try to find one person who I think is the quietest one in the group (next to me of course) and I try to strike up a conversation with them or include them somehow in the group dynamic. Maybe they have said something that the group didn't hear and I might say something like, "Hey, Mary had a great suggestion, why don't we do this...." This way I've formed an alliance within the group. And for my first interjection, I can just rephrase what someone said instead of risking my comment not being well received right off the bat.

Interrupting is a skill that I still practice today as a coach. Often times, I need to redirect the coaching conversation and I want to do that in the most polite but direct way as possible.

One way to do that is to say something like, “Oh that’s a good point. Let me see if I understand what you just said...” And then I’d paraphrase what the person just said. After I paraphrased then I might add my own comment or question after that.

Or sometimes I just say, “Excuse me. Could I just interrupt you for a moment, please?” and then I’ll continue with my thought.

Another polite interruption is to say something like, "I'd like to build on what Frank just said...." and then continue my thought.

Finally, be easy on yourself. We all have something to say. And I’ll bet what you have to say is probably more insightful, funny, entertaining, informative, etc. than what the average talkative person says.

Hope this helps.

Doreen Amatelli
Certified Professional Life Coach

It's all about breaking out of your comfort zone. Focus on small things first like eye contact and volume, and over time, you'll naturally become more confident. Practice is really the only way to go.

Achieve Brilliance wrote:It sounds like an issue of confidence. If you can work on your self-confidence, you'll have an easier time knowing when to interject, knowing what is appropriate to say and how to say it.

I'm not sure this is always the case. I am quite confident, in fact I've been told I'm quite chatty and come across as extremely confident. I even spoke at my brothers first wedding. I then had a relationship breakdown which was traumatic and then had a stressful public facing job, I started getting anxiety attacks even in one to one situations and would forget what I was saying. I tried lots of things to counter it but in the end I had to change my job and I started getting better. I still can't do public speaking and this is down to anxiety which I try to control but it is way too powerful, so I attack it by putting myself into small situations that will stress me but which will not bring on a full attack, the attacks set me back quite a bit so i have to be careful.

william3252 wrote:It's all about breaking out of your comfort zone. Focus on small things first like eye contact and volume, and over time, you'll naturally become more confident. Practice is really the only way to go.

Again, practice can sometimes make it worse and anxiety can actually lead to other mental disorders, I think it is different for everyone.

Anxiety and fear of speaking in public can be battled but there are certain situations which should be avoided, where the speaker can be grilled or questioned could place the speaker in great distress which may not be evident to the audience. The trapped feeling can place great pressure on the human mind and even body as the body goes into panic mode.

Small steps are best and better to pre-warn people that you may be prone to anxiety and may need to leave the room or step down from speaking. This slightly takes the pressure off and if someone chairing a meeting knows they may be able to help by taking the attention away from you for a while and then you can interject when you feel the confidence coming back.