Plain frustrating work environment

Hello folks,

Maybe this has been discussed before, maybe not, maybe it sounds trivial and naive, I just don't know. I prefer a honest opinion, if you please.

*rant on*
Anyway, in the last year or so, I've noticed my coworkers are engaging in more and more social activities after work, where I am not invited. Or we have some formal activity arranged by the company, and people continue to do something else, where they for example pretend they are going home, but they are not, instead dispersing and then meeting at some other place. While I didn't care much at first, it's starting to get really annoying and frankly a bit provocative, this is not something I have experienced at previous workplaces. While I'm not too keen about hanging out with most of my coworkers, this is more about the principle, I would prefer being invited and decline than this.

The thing is a new coworker started about two years ago, who I found attractive, but the feeling isn't mutual. I mean I kept it professional from my end as best I could, but she apparently finds me quite unpleasant I've heard from a couple others, and as far as I know is the only person who feels this way. I don't have this problem in other contexts off work which is why I find it a bit unpleasant and can't fully relate.

This person is also friends with a few of my coworkers who have been asking some indiscrete questions about my love life, relationships and insinuating sh** about attitude towards women in the region I come from, since I am technically an immigrant. Not much has been going on the last 5-6 years, so aside from a couple adventures and a six month relationship there is not much to tell, and I am rarely inclined to talk about relationships except with close friends and family, certainly not coworkers.

What makes is extra nasty is that my former boss (who was removed from my department on my and a couple of my colleagues request), has had talks with this woman where she recommends, in essence, that she should try out different manipulation methods on the older staff at work. I overheard a couple conversations without them knowing, since I work late a couple times a month and my new office is kinda around a bend in the hall, out of sight, but not out of hearing range. After these talks she tried sending me messages a couple times where she tests if I will do different menial tasks for her, which I declined because. A) I already left the office. B) I am not an "errand boy".

I just don't work that way, if we are on the same team and working on a common project, then certainly we can discuss who does what and she can delegate tasks after we are agreed, but not like this. I mean I don't want to hang out with her more than necessary in social events, but that she dictates some kind of policy where others also actively avoid me, is just going too far.

Tonight is one more occasion where the majority of people have gathered up and are playing some volleyball, downing a couple beers and talking some crap, where pretty much everyone is there, except your's truly. I'm trying to pretend I don't care, but I do a little bit, this is far from the first occasion.
*rant off*

Well, that's it, thoughts, opinions?