It happened years ago and yet I feel compelled to share this and maybe learn what other people think.
We moved into a flat of our own with my then-boyfriend. I wanted to have a companion animal to take care of, to return to after work. I grew up surrounded by animals, cats mostly, so the need for a pet made perfect sense.
I would've gotten a cat, naturally, but since my allergy sometimes manifests and sometimes doesn't, it was too risky. I thought ferrets would be perfect: active, playful, curious, intelligent and can be walked outside on a leash. I'd had no prior experience with them, so I did my share of research and even had a chance of interacting with these animals via an acquaintance who helped us get a pair of ferrets of our own. Needless to say I was very impatient to welcome them in our flat.
We got a pair of adult males. It was great at first and it goes without saying we were happy and took good care of them.
And yet things started to deteriorate. Them defecating and urinating profusely wherever they pleased despite our attempts at encouraging them to do it in one of their litter boxes (they had two), plucking the bars of the cage and biting into them (which ruins their teeth), making a noise at night despite getting enough playtime during the day to tire them out, the dominant male constantly hurting the weaker male to establish his dominance, and the weaker one simply being annoying by hiding somewhere whenever you reach out for him (this behaviour triggers me in any animal for some unknown reason) and wanting to have nothing to do with either of us. In some cases they were just being ferrets, and yet. Scruffing didn't work, time-out for a couple of minutes in a crate didn't work, because they'd pluck and bite the bars there too, making a lot of noise. And escaping the noise was impossible in a flat. I was frustrated. My idea of punishing their behaviour (and venting my frustration) was scruffing them and biting into the scruff, slapping on the snout (it happened three or four times) and flicking the nose. I would've never imagined myself slapping the snout of another mammal or being so quick to anger. Then again, I never thought of getting physical with another person, in this case with my then-boyfriend (five years of living with a person who forced me into a relationship, blackmailed, followed, and for the lack of a better word, battered me emotionally until I spread my legs), so I did learn a couple of things about how I handle frustration. Or not.
I'm trying to understand why I was so quick to punish them. I knew it would've been ''too much'' to throw them against the wall or floor, kick them, punch them. I retained that much awareness and I never felt an impulse to do that. But everything else... I kept telling myself it was wrong to punish them in any way, especially with that pathetic biting. The weaker male was annoying me in particular with his unwillingness to interact, hiding, cage-raging. Even walking him was frustrating. At the same time I was rushing to help him when his companion was taking things too far, bullying him.
Before them I'd never hurt an animal in anger, never had an impulse to do that (I used to have cats with different personalities and I cherished them equally, regardless of my age.) Dogs would sometimes annoy me because of the noise they make, sure, but I wouldn't whack a dog because it barks. I refuse to accept that the circumstances or the person I was living with had anything to do with that. I wasn't seething with anger and rushing to hurt them just for the heck of it. I enjoyed their company, taking them outside (as long as I got to walk the dominant male), took care of them. I've been racking my brains trying to understand why my love for animals wasn't protecting them. Was it just their behaviour? Them being mostly oblivious to my existence and preferring to play with each other rather than with me? They are not known for showing affection, unlike cats or dogs (another false idea I got from reading materials and watching videos of other ferret owners – the reality is you get zero affection and a lot of biting from them.)
The ferrets are gone, each died of illness due to their age. And yet my past is haunting me, because it crippled my trust in myself, my empathy and my self-control.
I apologize for a long post, but I wanted to explain everything in detail.
Currently, I'm living with a young cat and my heart is melting every time I see her. Her being a kitten was frustrating at times, I would get annoyed with her behaviour but that's where I'm not worried about my self-control. I'd rather cut my hand off than hurt a cat.