the bottom

MaestroZero wrote:Hey guys.. This is my first attempt at trying to join a support community for anger.. So I'm really not sure what to say. I guess I'll just give some background.

I'm 31 years old, three kids, and am engaged to an amazing girl.

Underneath that, though, is a lurking monster who has grown enormous over the last few years.

I've always had anger problem. Ever since I was a kid. But in my adult life It's slowly consuming me. The last 4 years have been especially harsh..and I hit rock bottom this week when my anger took over and i crossed a line. Almost to the point that im not sure that I can regain control and repair what I've done. A few weeks ago I called and made an appointment with a doctor to try to get this under control.. Or at the very least manageable. Unfortunately its a long wait for doctors like that around here so my appointment isn't until November. I'm just trying to get by until then.. But I think I've lost everything already.

I'm not really sure what my question is.. Or if I even have one.. Just feel like being in company of and venting to people who understand will help

Dear Maestro,

Welcome to the Anger Management Section of the Uncommon Knowledge Forums.

I would think it a very good thing that you decided to Post here on our Forum. I am certain it can be more Useful to you than just Venting. Indeed, often Chronically Angry People simply make their Conditions worse by ‘venting’ – presenting all the Reasons and Justifications for their Angry Behavior. Here, the Emphasis, from most of us, will be in Confronting and Disputing all the various Reasons and Justifications we use on ourselves to provoke and escalate Angry Behavior. (Indeed, I think it would be one of the Best Golden Rules in Anger Management to flatly assert that ‘There is Never Any Justification for Angry Behavior”, but we often find people, even here, who find it convenient to suppose that Their Own Level of Anger is Perfectly Healthy, which is to say that the Benefits they derive from their Anger outweigh the Damage they do to the Feeling of others and even the taint that it casts upon their own Reputations.)

BUT for us to be truly Helpful, well, it would be almost necessary for us to have some idea of what your typical Angry Episode consists of. Two different people may mean two different things when they say something like “my anger took over and i crossed a line”. For an extremely polite, caring and sensitive Person, just Frowning at somebody who had made some careless mistake, well, THAT would be considered as a horrible loss of Self Control and a huge Step Over the Line. But other people, perhaps from very rough Neighborhoods, wouldn’t thing themselves excessively Out of Control or Over the Line unless they had to be arrested for Assault or committing Mayhem, or causing extensive Property Damage… or beating a Spouse so badly that it entails Hospital Charges. Yes, some People find no problem with Anything, until it starts hurting them in their Wallets.

So, your Post seems a bit cryptic and it is difficult to know what you are telling us –you seem to be keeping all ‘your cards close to your chest’. You know, as long as you are not using your real name, you are quite anonymous here. Yes, you may feel embarrassed giving strangers the details of an incident that you are now quite ashamed of… but, as they say, “The Devil is in the Details”. To Know what your Problem is, well, you would have to Tell Us what your Problem is, isn’t that so?

Also, it is Very Helpful for us to know What you Think Your Problem Is. You see, What a Chronically Angry Person THINKS his Problem is may be a Significant Part of the Problem in Itself. For instance, often we have Posters who come here and they think that the Problem that causes their Anger is that Everything and Everyone in their Lives is Horrible, that is, they show no insight into the notion that the Source of their Anger is from within themselves. So, anyway, the More you talk, and the greater the Detail, in regards to Angry Incidents and your Evaluation of them, well, the Better we will be able to Zero in on some specific Recommendation for you.

Oh, and don’t worry much about your postponed Therapy. You don’t suppose Therapy would present some Instantly Magic Cure, do you? I went to Anger Management Therapy myself, a number of years ago. For several Thousand Dollars I paid a Psychologist to pick out a few Anger Management Books and Workbooks for me to go through. And he talked, or rather he let me do most of the talking. Very Few Earthshaking and Life-Transforming Insights came from the Doctor himself, but I found the BOOKS very useful, and that prompted me to further Reading into Anger Management. Really, if I had known how Helpful just the Books are, I could have saved a lot of that money and been driving a Much Better Car, while addressing my Anger Issues.

Well, again, Welcome to the Forum. Now, please, give us some kind of a Hint as to Just how Angry you are. Thank you for bearing with me…

Do you find it easy to forgive?

Most of the time, no... even though I try so hard to.

Why do you think forgiveness isn't easy for you?

If you are looking for a recommendation for a good book Managing anger by Mike Fisher is very good and an easy read.

Creative spark wrote:If you are looking for a recommendation for a good book Managing anger by Mike Fisher is very good and an easy read.

Dear Creative Spark

Yeah! I couldn't find THAT Book by Mike Fisher, but when I found Another Book about Anger by him on line I found this Blurb in regards to him:

About the Author

Mike Fisher is the founder of the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM). Trained in counselling, psychotherapy, facilitation skills and anger management, he has helped thousands of individuals over the past 17 years achieve clarity and maturity. Highly experienced in the media, Fisher runs workshops in the UK, Ireland, South Africa and the United States.

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So, Yes, looks like a Very Good Author for such books!

Thanks guys