AA Step Eleven, Fear, and Anxiety

Hello Everyone

I have a eating disorder. My treatment is Overeaters Anonymous. As previously mentioned, I lost 217 pounds. However, "for me" the issue is not losing weight -- it is keeping it off. This is difficult because I self-soothe with junk food when stressed.

To maintain abstinence (stay sober), I use the 12 tools of the Program. However, I have always had a problem implementing Step 11. For those who don't know what it is, see as follows: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

My issue with the Step was meditation. For the life of me, I couldn't reliably mediate. There was too many thoughts running through my brain. Further, I could not shut my mind off. Therefore, I had been missing the power of this simple Step.

A few weeks ago, I found a YouTube Video (This Site will not allow me to post a link) uploaded by a non addict. She suffered from c-PTSD, and used Step Eleven to control her anxiety and panic attacks. She does a "hand" written fear inventory, then mediated EVERYDAY (twice a day) for twenty minutes.

My weight lost is appreciated, but I also wanted peace. She used Transcendental Meditation (TM), so I decided to try. Doing so was a game changer. The practice works well with my inability to clear my mind of thoughts. In fact, the thoughts are welcomed because they are said to be the nervous system releasing stress.

TM is so simple that I could mediate on my own with instructions found on the web. After trying on my own for two days, I enrolled in a five day class with a private instructor. She taught me to meditate at a deeper level.

I now mediate twice a day for twenty minutes and "hand" write a fear inventory (prayer) both mediation sessions. The experiences can be described as bliss. The purpose of Step 11 is to consciously connect with God. And, that is what is mediating feels like.

I share this with you because my anxiety, panic attacks, and flashbacks have been drastically reduced after a bit over a week. All other modes of treatment did not help because I will not sick. I was scared. Now that my fear is being addressed, my life is returning to normal. Thus, after 23 years of being crippled by panic, I am leaving my home.

If you are suffering, and your treatment plan is not working, please consider Step 11 -- using TM. It will cost you nothing, and could save your life.

Happy New Year's

Rosa