Making bad decisions in life and retail

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:47 pm

A manager asked me once in my first interview outside education, "are you sure retail is what you want to do?" I answered, Yes ( as I wanted to get the job). But the truth was I didn't have a back up plan after leaving university so I felt like I had to say yes as I needed a job.
I feel like I am rubbish at making big life and career decisions.
It started with dating some guys that were no good for me, obviously I didn't know that at the time! I went to university as that was the next step for me after sixth form and my boyfriend didn't like this so decided to run of with one of my friends back at home behind my back. This was definitely a lesson to learn from so I am thankful in a way, as it got me out of that!
I completed and passed my university year and came home at summer time to realise that I had nothing to do as I had no friends- they had taken his side. My gran was in her death bed by the end of the summer and passed away not long after. I remember just feeling numb and not wanting to do anything at all and I would get quite anxious at times. I decided I wasn't strong enough to return to university- although I didn't admit this to anyone I just said that I had chosen the wrong course. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings at the time. So I found a job in a small shop. I worked here for over two years and was quite happy with my easy little life style. But people would ask me, why don't you get a proper job? You are a very intelligent girl. But I couldn't answer them. And just carried on.
Until the shop closed down. On to the next retail job working 40 hours a week. I knew this wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my life so decided to return back to education after some months as in the back of my mind I wanted to complete my degree.
Returning to education didn't work, after working for some time I felt like I just did not fit in and didn't want it enough to continue. So again I fell back on a retail job.
A pattern is starting to emerge and I fear I'm on a downward spiral but don't know how to reverse it? I know I don't belong in retail. But I fear that answering that initial question with a yes I have now set myself up for a life of this.
I know that a lot of people don't enjoy their jobs and people do ultimately just work to get paid to live. But I have witnessed people working and truly enjoying their jobs so why can't I be like them?
I don't know what to do because I had an interest in all areas at school and have never been able to narrow it down. I know this is normal.
I do know that I enjoy being creative and would love to open up my own business creating my own art.
I just worry too much about what people think of me? The stigma attached to people being unemployed? Which is why I never let myself stay unemployed for long- hence making decisions to take jobs that I know I won't really enjoy.
I just don't know what to do next?
As I have a new job and I fear that I am going to do what I have done before and leave soon due to my want to do something I enjoy!
I'm worried what my family and boyfriend will say if I do leave and how it will look on my cv.
But retail is starting to make me feel unhappy and I need pastures a new. But what?

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:01 pm

A key is finding something you enjoy. If you enjoy it then you will be able to find some field related to it. If you like art go work in a museum.

Pablo Picasso said something to the effect that the meaning of life is to find your gift and then the purpose of life is to give it away. It doesn't matter what others think. Sure, at first you may feel a bit uncomfortable, but if you are really enjoying what you do that bit of discomfort is replaced by fun and as people pick up on your passion they begin enjoying it with you. In a few years you will be surrounded with new people, new experiences, etc.

**Posts:** 31 · by **MichelleKingman** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:44 am

What do you enjoy doing?

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 6:44 am

Thanks Richard!
Michelle - I enjoy reading and writing. Although I I don't it very much, due to wanting to do nothing after work. I like the idea of being a critic or writing reviews. I enjoy baking and cooking. Sewing. All design. Watching musicals.
I like the idea of being able to make my own candles and soap and sell it. Or create my own pieces of art jewellery. Clothes and accessories. I get so many ideas I don't know what to do with them. I write them down and then never have enough time to do them.

**Posts:** 31 · by **MichelleKingman** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:02 am

Hey Silverspec,

It's cool that you like to read, write, cook, bake, make jewelry, etc. I wonder if you could eventually shift your career to doing something you enjoy more. There are some great Udemy courses that you may like that can help you develop skills to make a shift once you've decided where you are going.

One activity that helped me a lot with figuring out what I wanted out of life was making a vision board. I made mine out of poster board and magazine clippings but you could do it anyway you want, even in photshop or print out pictures from the internet. The idea is to decide what you choose for your life. You can use words, images, whatever you want. Since you sound like a creative type, it may be a great way to give you some direction. Let me know how it goes if you do it!

Michelle

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:12 am

Silverspec,

When asked, both Bill Gates and Warren Buffett said if they had to choose one word that most influenced their success they both chose the word "focus". It sounds like you enjoy doing quite a few things. So do I. Sometimes I wish I could just do it all. But, the reality is if we become a jack of all trades then we are a master of none.

You need to consider what you really enjoy. For me it turned out to be psychology, specifically as it relates to judgment and decision-making. Why I have a passion for it, I don't know, but it is something I can talk about for days and never get bored. I like a lot of other things too, but at the end of the day I chose to psychology as my primary focus. I then use the 80-20 rule, which means I don't have to give up all the other things I like, but 80% of my time I spend on psychology and 20% of my time I spend on other things I enjoy, like for instance I enjoy trading stocks and I am learning spanish.

You don't have to give up making candles, watching musicals or baking/cooking, you can keep your list and have fun with all your ideas, you can explore your dreams, but take some time to consider of all the things you enjoy, what really makes you want to stay up late or get up early? When you figure out what your truly enjoy, life can be very simple if you focus.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:14 am

MichelleKingman wrote: There are some great Udemy courses

Hey! I teach on Udemy! Glad to see it is growing in popularity. You are the second person I have come across in a week that has mentioned Udemy. Maybe just coincidence.

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:44 am

Thanks you two. When I went to university the first time i was studying textiles. I really enjoyed it and it's such a shame that I felt like I couldn't continue it at that time. I'm always getting ideas when I'm led in bed at night of things to make and i would love to make it my work. I know a lot of people think it's a hobby and maybe I should get a proper job and do this as a hobby. But I really want to try and make it work for me as a job. I think I want to get a part time job and then focus on creating my own things and then selling them on etsy in my own time.
But I feel like people think it is a silly idea.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:23 am

Who is "they"? First, it doesn't matter what "they" think. And second, "they" changes over time. When you get involved in a particular path in life, you begin surrounding yourself with others that are pursuing a similar path. Eventually the "theys" of yesterday are not your "theys" of today. Golf is a hobby, and some people get paid extremely well for that hobby. Art is a hobby and some people get paid extremely well for that hobby. The only difference between a hobby and a profession is how much time and effort you are willing to commit. There are very few hobbies that someone is not making a bundle from. Maybe yodeling might be a hobby that doesn't have very much upside, but there are exceptions I guess.

**Posts:** 31 · by **MichelleKingman** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:12 pm

Hey that's cool Richard. I'll try to find your courses on Udemy! Focus is a really good point too... I think that is my biggest weakness right now! Thanks Richard for bringing that into the light for me.

Silverspec, it is really hard not to worry about what other people think... I hope you can work through that.

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:19 pm

Yes I hope so too. I think I often put other peoples thoughts and feelings before my own.

This focus word is great. I am going to try my best to put my focus into learning my new job and doing it well.

I think gaining more of a focus in life may help me not worry so much what other people think?

Hopefully

**Posts:** 31 · by **MichelleKingman** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:22 pm

I have looked into this worrying about what people think a lot and it is so engrained. I feel that for me the root of it is fear, pride, and insecurity. The more I observe myself the more I can untangle the web that controls so much of my behavior.

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:49 pm

I am a people pleaser aswell which isn't always a good thing. Thinking about it the root for me could quite well be the same as yours Michelle. I will start observing myself and thought patterns and reactions more to begin to understand more about my worry.

I guess ultimately I don't think I really know myself?
I feel like I'm possibly just beginning a journey of self discovery?

I know this post has evolved slightly so apologies for that.

I quite like the saying 'what people think about you is no business of your own.' I didn't used to like it as I would always want to know what people really thought of me. But now I understand that not everyone's going to like me and it really doesn't matter what everybody thinks of me. It's best to just take people at face value and always be kind. The only people that truly matter are those close to me.

I think I may be quite naive in a way as I always thought I got on with everyone at school, college etc and it was only recently at work that somebody out right told me that they didn't like me. Actually a few people have across two different jobs. I am quite a proud person and I think they thought that i thought I was better than them- which I didn't - I just try to be the best I can be. I valued their honesty but it came as a shock. I used to think that if I am nice to everyone then everybody will like me.
Obviously in reality I now know that not everybody income into contact with is going to like me. But I totally didn't believe this before.

**Posts:** 31 · by **MichelleKingman** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:59 pm

First of all, you don't need to apologize. I think the flow to this thread is great and natural, kinda like a regular in person conversation.

I know what you mean about wanting and expecting everyone to like you and then being shocked when they don't. It is pretty crazy.. pride makes us blind. It's also really good to watch the swing between expectations and disappointment.

I think it's great that you are going to start observing yourself more. There is a really great free ebook called, "The Awakening of Perception" that helped me start observing myself more. You can google it.

**Posts:** 9 · by **Silverspec** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:16 pm

Thankyou I will have a read later.

For now I am going to have a break as I have developed a headache from the emotional and thoughtful journey I've been through today.

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