friendship problems

Hi Kaisfish,

Welcome to the Forum!

I'm a little unclear what it is that you want to say to your friend - do you want to tell her that you think she's unfunny, or that you don't want her as a friend?

You've probably hit the nail on the head when you say she tries too hard to do something that should be natural. I don't know your friend (but you do), people usually try too hard when they are feeling anxious, and perhaps she is feeling anxious about being excluded from her group of friends.

It may be that she is aware on one level that her non-funniness bothers you, and so she tries harder to be accepted, which doesn't work and is actually counter-productive, and so the vicious circle goes on.

I sense from your message that you do basically like her, but there are bits of her behaviour - trying too hard, touching you that you don't like.

So I wonder what can you do? The easy thing would be to do nothing and let the situation continue until one day you've all had enough and reject her.

You could tell her that you find her unfunny - but that is likely to make her feel more anxious, excluded and upset.

I guess you're a caring person - you've made the effort to contact the forum and want to do the right thing and support her as a friend.

I imagine that she would like to feel more comfortable so that her humour could be natural and instinctive.

So, one thing you could do is put yourself in her shoes for a few moments and think about how and when you could say what you want to say to her.

Pick a time when you feel closer to her, so she'll know it's supportive feedback not criticism. Rather than commenting on her unfunniness, you could give her nice comments about the times when she is funnier and doesn't try so hard, to encourage her to do more of that.

And you may also be pleasantly surprised to find that if you give people feedback in the right way they can be quite grateful, because it shows that you care.